by OPOVV, ©2016

(Jul. 22, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the show that tells the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. No plagiarism intended. Mr. Roving Reporter is joining us from the Southern Nevada Veterans Memorial Cemetery in Boulder City, Nevada.

“Hello, Roving. What you got for us tonight?”

“And hello to you, Chief. I was at the cemetery this morning doing some research and came across a funeral – complete with Honor Guard — of one of our fallen Afghanistan veterans where Jim here recognized me and asked if I could interview him on camera, as long as we filmed him from the back.

“Hello, Jim, and welcome back from a tour in Afghanistan.”

“Hellhole. Let’s not mince words, Roving. When you say ‘Afghanistan’ you make it sound like maybe it could be a place for normal human habitation, and nothing could be farther from the truth.”

“Which is why you’re on the show, Jim. Tell us about what goes on there.”

“You wouldn’t believe how they treat women; you’ve no idea, not even a smidgeon of an idea. ‘Slave’ doesn’t even come close, because you’d treat a slave better than they treat their women.

“To start, they do the FGM bit, the Female Genital Mutilation, of whose victims close to a third die because of 16th century sterilization practices. But of course there weren’t any such medical practices back then, which is my point.

“They wear the burqa; you know, the mattress sack that covers them head to toe with a little screen so they have an idea where they’re walking. We had a checkpoint where we had them open the burqa to check for weapons and sometimes you could see their faces. Well, let me tell you, you get pretty sick of seeing the scars and knocked-out teeth.

“I must say, some of them are pretty good-looking. Anyway, I was standing guard and this family comes walking up – same family, every day at the same time — and the women open up and this one girl’s head cover fell off so her face was exposed. Next day here they come again, but this time one of them had to be guided. So they open up their burqas and the father comes over and yanks the burqa off one of the girls.

“I lost it then and there, I tell you. I shot that man in the knee and I was going to shoot each and every joint on his body, but the other guys grabbed me and took me away. I got a medical discharge so they sent me home. I live in Las Vegas and as long as I was in the neighborhood, as my last official act of duty, I had to come here and be part of the Honor Guard for the guy we just buried. Never knew him.

“Look, I’ll just tell you and then I’m leaving. I’ll just tell you and then I’m walking away. This is the last time I’ll ever mention it for as long as I live. See this weapon? It’s mine and it’s loaded. It’s the same piece I had that day I stood guard at that checkpoint. The shrink let me keep it, as kind of a security blanket. I recall his words: ‘A pacifier for a 22-year-old soldier who took his duty personally and went over the edge.’

“Okay, I’m ready to say it for the last time, so pay attention. I’m not making any of this up, and for proof just look at my piece. You can’t touch it, but you can look, okay? Of course it’s clean: I clean it often. I clean it whenever I get the chance; why, just after the ceremony here I went to the reception center: I cleaned it in there. Took it all apart and oiled it wherever it needed oiling; dusted it wherever it needed dusting; and patted it wherever it needed a loving caress.

“Remember that family that crossed the checkpoint about the same time every day and that daughter that was drop-dead gorgeous, the one whose face was inadvertently exposed that one time when her head scarf fell off? Well, what set me off was that acid was thrown on her face and her eyes were gouged out, okay? Are you satisfied? Are you really happy about bringing democracy to them? Are you? What do you think about the ‘changing hearts and minds’ now?

“She was disfigured and blinded because I saw her face. Me, the Infidel, saw her face, which in their sick and depraved minds made them dishonored somehow, so they had to atone for it; had to make amends somehow, so they burned her face with battery acid – sulfuric acid – and gouged out her eyes, just because I, Jim, saw her face. As God is my witness, I would’ve married her at that moment and loved and cherished her forever, as God is my witness. And just for a second our eyes locked and I was one with the universe. So I had one second of happiness in my whole life, and I hope and pray she did, too.

“My life is over and I’m just 22 years old. I’m an old man at 22; how do you like that? ‘Rules of Engagement’: my foot. Sitting ducks, that’s all we are: nothing but one big joke. God has a sense of humor: I can prove it. I’ve lived it; I’m living it. I’m walking away now. Don’t say a word, and if you thank me for my service I swear to God I’ll shoot you. I’m walking away. Walking away, and if you see my hand go up to my face to wipe away a tear, keep it to yourself. I’m in love and she’s gone. There’s nothing left to say because it’s all gone.”

“And there he goes: piece shouldered, walking off. I hope he can put his nightmare in the back of his mind somehow. Hey, rather intense, wasn’t it? No, I didn’t fear for my life, I just feared, well, I hope he doesn’t do anything stupid. This is your Roving Reporter saying so long: until next time.”

“Thank you for a rather intense report, Roving. I see that our time is up, but first I’d like to say that these Muslims aren’t like us. Oh, they may look like us, but they sure as heck don’t think like us, especially their concept of time. You see, we – you and the American Indian – view time in a linear fashion, as in ‘b’ follows ‘a’; ‘2’ follows ‘1’.

“Muslims don’t think that way. Oh, they can relate to the calendar and the clock as we do, but it’s not the same; it’s different. It’s like a part of their brain sees time as disjointed; moving not necessarily forward, but in parallel. Like yesterday’s 2:00 pm is right next to today’s 2:00 pm, not a day behind. And you can think back, even a thousand years, and it’s still parallel with whatever’s happening today. Not necessarily in the past or behind, but alongside.

“To us it sounds nuts, but to them it’s completely normal. They think that beating animals, children and women is nothing but normal everyday acceptable behavior. They treat those over whom they have complete control like a serial killer treats his helpless victims. It’s the same mental process, according to our Professor Zorkophsky:

“‘Serial killers gouge out the eyes of their intended victims, he says, because they’re ashamed of their inhumanity; it’s only a deep-rooted subconscious cry for help, crying-out to be recognized as a normal human being, which is impossible, and they know it, because they’re over the edge — their whole way of life is meaningless — which make their inhumanity even more sickening: their depravity knows no bounds.’

“On behalf of the crew I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Man, I was worried about Roving out there with that nut case, in the middle of that cemetery in Nevada. And they let him keep his weapon. Well, if he sees any Muslims on the warpath, I’d sure want him around. But Roving is armed; always has been. Hey, burger time: my treat.”

Semper Fi


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