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by OPOVV, ©2016

Chief Seattle, 1864

(Jul. 14, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation.”  I’m Chief New Leaf, once again filling in for Roving, who told us he still has some unfinished business, as he put it, in his ‘Birth State.’ I guess we’ll see him when we see him, or, in Injun Speak: ‘There goes another white man.’ The way Chief Seattle put it was, ‘Only a white man or a fool could starve in the Puget Sound area.’

“As you can see, we’re back on our favorite corner to interview people just like you about what’s on their minds. And here comes an Army general pushing something.

“Excuse me, General, got a minute? Chief New Leaf for ‘Pulse.’ What are you pushing down the sidewalk?”

“Aren’t you supposed to salute me? You’re in uniform, aren’t you? What are those, Class ‘A’ Buckskins? And I’m a general, so I think a salute is in order.”

“I’m out, General. I served my time. The only thing I salute is the American flag by my hand over my heart and when I give a toast to the next cold one. But what you got there?”

“Saluting’s good for the soul, soldier; remember that. This is my chalkboard, see? Give me a hand removing the canvas: that’s an order, son. I use it when I give my talks, like now; here, let me show you. See, I’ll print the word ‘G-E-N-E-R-A-L’ here at the top and at the bottom – notice it’s at the VERY bottom – I’ll print the words: ‘FAILED TO SALUTE A SUPERIOR OFFICER.’ Now, how does that make you feel?”

“Makes me feel really good about myself, General. How does it make you feel acting the fool on television?”

“What are these people doing? Put that canvas back on; I’m not finished.”

“Oh, yes you are; next.”

“Hello, Chief. That was sad and funny at the same time, wasn’t it? I mean, it’s good to have an ego, but to push your own chalkboard wherever you go?”

“I remember you; you’re that Vietnam Veteran with the dog. Where’s the dog?”

“Here she is, hiding behind me. Say ‘hello’ to the Chief. Chief, say ‘hello’ to my daughter.”

“What, another crazy white man? Look, I’m afraid to ask what you thought of the general’s performance.”

“No, go ahead and ask your question.”

“Here’s the question: if a political delegate is required to vote for the candidate his district supported, but refuses, what’s the verdict?”

“’Sleazeball’ was the first word that came to mind; another one was liar. Look, people have hidden behind the words ‘conscience’ and ‘feeling’ forever. Doesn’t mean a hill of beans. What does have meaning in a person’s life – how their net worth is measured – is by their word. Who’s the better man, the millionaire who lies or the homeless vet who tells the truth? Look, my daughter is on her way to the dog park. Excuse us, please.”

“Yes, of course, and thank you for your comment. Time for one more? A normal one, please. Hello, sir, where you off to today?”

“Hello, Chief. I must say you’ve some, how to say, interesting characters on your show. Watch it all the time with the wife.”

“Why, thank you. Our sponsors will be glad to hear that. What, may I inquire, do you do for work?”

“I work at the university; matter of fact, my office is just across the hall from Professor Zorkophsky’s, so I’ve seen you and Roving many times. Right now I’m fulfilling my government contract – administered through the Department of Health – on threat assessments to our country and, by default, the human race.”

“Care to be a little more specific?”

“Sure thing. We have travel between continents at 400 mph. We have hundreds of thousands of immigrants crossing the borders from just about every country in the world – nobody wants to go to North Korea – without proof of vaccines, immunizations, previous infections, diseases and any documentation of health – or ill health – history whatsoever. We have mosquitoes biting someone who just stepped off the Jetway and then biting someone else, maybe a passenger on their way to yet another continent, only to get visited by yet another mosquito, thereby passing whatever it is they’re passing.

“But this we know. What we don’t know is that the CDC is in a panic mode, I kid you not. And it’s been documented, without any possible error whatsoever, that a drug-resistant and dangerous form of TB has been crossing our southern border for the past few years and it’s getting worse, much worse. Matter of fact, it’s so virulent that, if you’re in a grocery store, and someone coughs who has this strand of infectious TB — who you’re nonchalantly pushing your cart behind –your chance of becoming infected is not only a very real possibility, but actually more than likely. And here comes my train. Bye.”

“Egad, more bad news. A wacky general; a dog that talks; and a Prophet of Doom.  Well, if there’s one thing you have to say, this show, ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ sure is entertaining. I see that our time is up for this evening’s show, so on behalf of the crew I’ll be wishing you all a good night: Goodnight.”

“Sounds like the CDC is lying down on the job, at least it does to me. Aren’t they supposed to warn us of danger? Could the Obama Administration have gotten to them so they keep their mouths shut about the illegal immigrants, is that it? This Hillary open-order lunacy will get us all killed. Seems as if our very lives are dependent on Trump getting elected, doesn’t it? Burger time. My treat.”

Semper Fi


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