“A GOOD NIGHT”
by OPOVV, ©2016
(Jun. 24, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the show that exposes the truth without fear of consequences, whatever the tarnation that means. Hello, I’m Chief New Leaf, once again filing in for Mr. Roving, who will be with us shortly via Skype.
“And here he is. Hello, Roving.”
“Ah, you can hear and see me? Am I coming in five-by-five? Good. Hello, faithful viewers. Thanks for your continued support; why, our office was undulated with emails and snail mail demanding that I’d be back on.
“As you can see from the commotion behind me, there’s jubilant pandemonium gong on here at the headquarters of ‘Britons for Britain,’ who have just received the news that the vote was counted and ‘Merry Old England’ has a chance to recognize her sovereignty again by voting themselves out of the Muslim Union, sometimes referred to as the ‘European Union.’
“Standing next to me is Lady Cecily Williams, who has been such a staunch supporter of women’s civil rights throughout the world. Hello, Lady Williams.”
“Oh, please address me as Lady Cecily; there’s no need to be so formal.”
“’Lady Cecily’ it is, then. Well, you must be very pleased with tonight’s outcome.”
“That I am. Is it really ‘Mr. Roving Reporter?’ Surely that can’t be your real name?”
“Stage name, Cecily.”
“’Lady Cecily’; only my mother and solicitor may call me by my given name; with everyone else I must maintain a sense of strict decorum to keep the riff-raff at bay, you understand, or don’t you colonists have royalty?”
“We had a king once, but he died. His name was Elvis.”
“Oh, my, I think I read something about him long ago.”
“So tell us, Lady Cecily, what was it that lit a fire under your bonnet about England having to accept Muslim immigrants that Brussels made you take in?”
“’Under my bonnet,’ did you say? I hope that is a good and proper way to speak to someone of my impeccable upbringing and stature. As to my reason: it was finding severed heads rolling around the streets – reminds me of what Jonathan Swift wrote about — severed women’s heads, I might add. And the husbands – the ‘suspects’ — were never even charged – let alone arrested – for the capital crime that the Muslim community is so well-known for: ‘honor killings,’ as if there’s a hint of honor among them.
“Why, they wouldn’t know what even the thought of having any honor was: all they do is pick on the innocent and helpless victims — like women and children — like what they did in Beslan, Russia, in 2004.
“Simply put, getting out of the European Union allows us to follow our own laws about deporting and prosecuting our own riff-raff. Now, if you’ll excuse me: I have ladies in waiting, you know.”
“Yes, of course, Lady Cecily, such a pleasure and honor speaking with you. I’d like to add…”
“Oh, my, we seem to have lost our connection: storm clouds or a solar flare, perhaps. I see that our time is up anyway, so on behalf of the crew, let me wish you all a good night: Goodnight.
“Hold on! We lost the video but we have Roving on the phone. What’s that? Say again but slower. Oh, I get it: in the background of Lady Cecily’s celebration, they’re chanting ‘Trump! Trump!’ Here: listen: Trump! Trump! And there goes the sound. Okay, you heard it as well as I, live on ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ What a great show. Goodnight.”
“Great show, guys. What do you say we let Roving buy us a burger?”