by OPOVV, ©2016

(Jun. 5, 2016) — “How. Chief New Leaf here again taking Roving Reporter’s place while he’s gallivanting in Southern California. I’m supposed to say the following: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to another exciting episode of ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ So here we are, under Roving’s favorite awning across the street from the railroad depot.

“And here comes a gentleman. How, Chief New Leaf for the ever-popular show ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ Want to talk? Tell us what you do.”

“Oh, sure, ‘Howdy’ back. Watch the show every night, back in Florida.”

“You up here in our great city on vacation or business?”

“Vacation. I’m retired. Up here to visit the museums, and this time I’ll take as long as I want. If I want to spend a whole day looking at models of ships, well, that’s what I’ll do.”

“So what are you doing, staying at a motel out here in the outskirts and taking the train to the city?”

“You bet. I drove up here but I took our little microwave, and we’re a block from a grocery store, so cost-wise, it’s not so bad.”

“What did you do in Florida?”

“I was an underground utilities locator. Heck of an interesting job because I had the primo section of the county.”

“Section? County?”

“Oh, sorry: Palm Beach in Palm Beach County.”

“You mean you did your underground locations on the island? You planted those little flags in the ground indicating where certain utilities were? Sounds like a rather important job.”

“Oh, for sure, very important. Just think about it:  gas pipes; electrical cables; communication fiber optics; plus your everyday sewage and water. Of course, every locator has his own specialty. Like the telephone company would be in charge of their own line, and FPL – that would be Florida Power and Light – would have its own locator for their underground cables.”

“So before anybody on the island, in Palm Beach, wanted to plant a tree or put up a badminton net, they have to call for an underground locate?”

“You better believe it. Before you put a shovel in the ground, you’d best have it located. Besides, the call is free. No charge. It’s a lot cheaper for the gas company to locate the gas pipe than to repair a broken pipe. Same with all the other utilities, of course.”

“So, in order to locate, you have to be there physically to put the flags in the ground. So you must’ve been on the grounds of many of those beautiful homes, most of which are gated and fenced.”

“That’s true. But there are no fences on the island. I mean, there’s a few fences, but most of what they have for privacy barriers are walls or hedges, and many of them you can drive through.”

“Of course you can… did you say ‘drive through’ hedges?”

“Ha! I knew that would get you. You see, a hedge in Palm Beach is like none other. A hedge in Palm Beach is as high, or higher, than a telephone pole, plus they’re 3-4’ thick. You can’t jump over them or crawl through. Plus they’re a great sound-deadener. I was doing a locate 10’ next to a well-traveled road and didn’t hear one car; I kid you not.

“I believe I located every piece of property on the island, and that goes for the Post castle.”

“Post castle?”

Mar-a-Lago – References; Trump’s place.”

“So you located an underground utility on those, what, nine acres?”

“Originally it was 17 acres, but I don’t know how many it has now. Anyway, the locate was fun. It was even more fun than John Lennon‘s old place. But, all and all, Trump’s place was the most fun because I got to ask the workers what they thought of their boss. True story.”

“When was this?”

“In 1999.”

“Mind telling us about it?”

“No, not at all. See, I was just like everybody else, wondering if he was really a good guy. So I’m in my locator outfit: badge hanging from my neck, orange vest, white hardhat and my beep-beep-beep electronic gizmo-locating machine. And I’m walking around, all over the place, because, well, I never had anybody killed or injured from a one of my mistakes, and mistakes are easy to make because the signal you’re trying to follow can latch on to anything buried and you could be planting flags to the right when what you’re trying to locate went left.

“So then what happens is that a Ditch Witch, a ditch digger, takes a swipe and BLAM! somebody gets injured. You see a flag you’re supposed to hand-dig within three feet of the flag, all the way to China.

“So I’m all around the place, making double-sure I’m doing the best job I can. Do the best you can, no matter what the job or the pay. It’s called a good work ethic.

“Anyway, I’m coming across all kinds of people because I’m all over the place, right? So I decide to ask this guy, I’d say about 25 years old or so,  ‘How’s it to work for “The Donald?'”  And he says, ‘We don’t call him “The Donald.” We refer to him as Mr. Trump.’

“Well, let me tell you, the first word that came to me was ‘contrite,’ and it was not a good feeling, believe me. So I said I was sorry and how’s it feel to work for Mr. Trump. He said it was ‘really good.’ And throughout my three-hour locate I must’ve asked 15 people how it was to work for Mr. Trump and the worst rating I got was the first: really good. The best was ‘I love it.’

“One guy I talked to was near the Intercoastal Waterway, as far away from prying eyes and ears as you can get on the property, and I said, ‘Look, tell me the truth: is Trump a good guy to work for?’ And I got to say, he gave me a really dirty look and said, ‘Mr. Trump is the best boss I ever had’ and turned away from me. Conversation just ended.

“So I have to honestly conclude that the employees of Mr. Trump respect him as a fair and caring person. As a matter of fact, I came away with a real appreciation of the man to the point that whenever I hear some pundit on television trying to be funny by addressing Mr. Trump as ‘The Donald,’ I really get ticked-off.

“Hey, here comes my train. Nice talking to you, and thanks for letting me tell my Trump story. It’s the only one I have. Wish I had more. Bye.”

“And thank you for sharing your story. Well, our time is up, so thanks for watching. On behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a good night: Goodnight.”

“Great show. Gee, how easy can it get? What a great story about Trump – oops – ‘Mr. Trump.’ Let’s grab a burger and make it Roving’s treat.”

Semper Fi


Join the Conversation

1 Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  1. Dear Readers;
    Actually, the story of the underground utilities locator at Mar-a-Lago asking about Mr. Trump as a boss is a true story, just as the answers were.