by OPOVV, ©2015

(Nov. 6, 2015) — Tonette: a flute-like recorder, made of plastic, used by music instructors as a teaching aid for young school children.


The curtain rises as Grieg’s Two Norwegian Airs, Op. 63, is played. The stage is set as the fantail of a US Navy destroyer, with a 5’ gun turret on the left and the stern on the right. Also on the right is an elevated pulpit, the kind one would expect to see in an English church. Standing in the pulpit is a Boatswain’s mate Chief holding an oversized coffee cup in his left hand. Below him are ten sailors wearing dungarees, with shoes off, pant legs rolled up, holy-stoning the deck. The backdrop is of a sunrise.

Sailor #1: “This ain’t so bad. I read about sailors doing this in the British Navy, even aboard Old Ironsides.”

Sailor #2: “And I know just what they were saying, too. ‘This ain’t so bad.’ You’re balmy, is what you are. Look around you, go ahead: tell me what you see.”

Sailor #1: “Well, since we’re smack-dab in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, I’d have to say ‘water.’”

Sailor #2: “Give that man a cigar. See anyplace to get an ice-cold beer? And where’s the women?”

At this point Part 1 of Grieg’s music finishes and Part 2 of Grieg’s Nordic Melodies, Op. 63: Peasant Dance begins.  Five of the sailors put mops on their heads to play the role of women who start to folk-dance with the other five sailors. Meanwhile, the Boatswain mate Chief waves his oversized coffee cup to the beat of the music. At the end of the music the men bow, and the mop-headed sailors curtsy to the audience as the Chief raises his cup in salute.

Curtain lowers.

End of ACT I


Curtain rises to the music of Eddie Heywood and Hugo Winterhalter playing the Canadian Sunset.  The stage backdrop is of a Vermont wilderness scene: mountains covered with trees. Ten Indian braves, in buckskins, wearing canoes — 8’ long, 4’ in front, 4’ in the rear at waist-high — enter from stage right and dance as can-can girls do, to the beat of the music, in slow motion. A minute into the song an Indian Chief enters from stage left — also wearing a canoe — dances to stage front center and addresses the audience while the braves continue to dance.

Chief: “Chief Seattle said only a white man could starve in the Puget Sound area, meaning white men pretty stupid. Let people into his country who want to do him harm: “honor-kill” women. No respect for Mother Earth; no respect for mothers. Sharia Law is the reason why all musical instruments have been destroyed. No pianos or flutes; no more Mozart and nursery rhymes. With us here is the last tonette that hasn’t been destroyed. We are smuggling it to a Navy destroyer so as to keep it safe somewhere out at sea.”

Curtain lowers as the song ends.

End of Act II


Curtain rises to the music of Pavarotti singing Nessun Dorma [English translation here].  Stage right are the ten sailors, in dress blues, standing at attention, facing rear. The Boatswains mate Chief is in the raised pulpit singing (or pantomiming) the song while holding the oversized coffee cup. Stage left are the ten Indian braves and Chief, sans canoes, also facing stage rear. The stage is dimly lit as the music starts. As the music is played it gets brighter as a very large American flag, the width of the stage, slowly rises to the ceiling. When it reaches the top, the lights are ablaze as the song ends. Curtain lowered.

End of Act III

Act IV

The curtain rises to the music of Tchaikovsky’s Piano Concerto No. 1 in B-Flat Minor, Op 23 to a stage once again set as the stern of the destroyer. The backdrop is of the ocean with little white caps. Up in the pulpit are the Boatswain’s mate Chief and the Indian Chief, both with oversized coffee cups in their left hands. On deck are the Indian braves (without the canoes) in buckskins, sailors in dungarees and a squad of US Marines in dress uniform. They appear to just walk around aimlessly, but after closer inspection, it can be seen that they are doing a rather intricate drill. The music ends, and the men on deck stop and look up at the pulpit.

Indian Chief: “Used to be getting a bunch of Americans together, no matter where they were – in a rowboat out at sea or stranded on an island – they became, automatically, a microcosm of the United States.”

Boatswain’s mate Chief: “It’s a sad state of affairs that has brought us to this point: our country imploded. The very people who supported Obama were also supporting the overthrow of the Constitution, whether they knew it or not. Certainty they all knew that Obama had never shown his Birth Certificate. And so it’s come down to this: all to save one little tonette from the Muslim heathen-savage mobs.”

At the start of Beethoven’s “Waldstein” Sonata No. 21 in C Major Op. 53, 3rd Movement, the ‘cover’ of the 5” turret is lifted, revealing a grand piano being played as the men on deck continue their intricate drill while the Chiefs keep time with their coffee cups. As the music ends, the lights dim, and the Chiefs and actors leave the stage. Entering from stage right is a Marine Silent Drill Team which proceeds to stage center.  To the music of Mr. Acker Bilk playing Stranger On The Shore, the Marine Drill Team goes through its paces in close march, tossing their weapons about in time with the music. As the music ends, the drill team marches to stage left and forms a line, then faces the audience. They are joined by the sailors and Indians, all in a line facing the audience, behind the ship’s lifeline. The Chiefs again appear in the pulpit.

Indian Chief: “What you just witnessed was an example of what’s at stake: the world’s most beautiful music destroyed forever, just like those Buddhist statues in Afghanistan and those priceless artifacts at various museums, libraries, private collections and the whole ancient city of Palmyra.”

At the start of Bobby Darin singing “Beyond the Sea” the actors exit stage left.

Boatswain Mate Chief: “There’s nothing that hasn’t been wrong that can’t be put right. Islam has been on its relentless murderous march for the last 1,400 years. Since the usurper Obama took office, the expansion of Muslims throughout the world has increased a thousand-fold. Muslims and illegal immigrants can be deported and Islam must be defeated.

Victims of the Beslan, Russia school siege, September 1-3, 2004

“Besides the complete elimination of music, at stake are all the other forms of human expression: art, sculptures; photography; songs; poetry; movies and laughter. No more singing ‘Happy Birthday’ or celebrating the 4th of July. No more celebrations: just cruelty; sadness; torture and death, for that is the way of Islam. On a worldwide scale, Islam IS EXACTLY what transpired in a schoolhouse in Beslan, Russia, in 2004: little helpless children subjected to the worst imaginable cruelties while their murderers yelled ‘Allahu Akbar.’”

“We can be, we must be able to fulfill our destiny: to give all the people of the world an equal chance at freedom and prosperity. Here we are, volunteers all, fighting to save one little tonette. I say we get it together, be together and stick together in taking back our country!”

At this point, one of the sailors takes out the tonette and plays the start of the finale of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture, at which time the Indians return to the stage carrying bows and arrows. The sailors return carrying cutlasses, and the Marines return, in full battle dress, carrying an assortment of lethal weapons as the full orchestra joins in. Cannon noise is provided by small black-powder cannons on the starboard side of the ship fired by men and women of the orchestra dressed in tuxes. Whenever a cannon is fired, the actors on the stage and the Chiefs in the pulpit raise their weapons and coffee cups in anger, in salute, and in determination. When the music ends, the curtain lowers.


Semper Fi