by OPOVV, ©2015

(Oct. 31, 2015) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We’ve a real treat for you tonight. It’s taken three years of non-stop work; numerous emails and snail mails; hundreds of phone calls and texts to finally get an affirmative on a one-on-one interview with the former presidential candidate, OPOVV.

“Good evening, OPOVV, it’s taken a lot of effort to pin you down for this interview. Why was that?”

“Hey, Roving and crew, thanks for having me. Enjoy your show. The reason you’ve had such a hard time getting this interview is that I’m hard to pin down. First of all, I’m touring the country pushing my book, ‘Shadow President,’ which is in its fifth printing — I guess they didn’t think it would sell — that’s been flying off the shelves. And don’t look for it on any ‘Bestseller’ list; heck, it’s outselling everything in sight, but it’s the same old MSM story, so there you are.”

“The FEC gave you a number for you to legally compete in the 2012 presidential election, so you were a viable contender, but we didn’t see you at any of the debates. Why was that?”

“Well, maybe it was that if I were on the stage, on national television, I’d ask why we’re allowing a Constitutionally-ineligible person to reside in Public Housing Unit #1 (that would be the White House), for starters. That Obama is a Muslim plant; that Valerie Jarrett is part of the Muslim Brotherhood; and I’d name names of our politicians and members of the Judiciary and the Joint Chiefs of Staff getting caught with billions in the Vatican Slush Fund, for example.

“I’d make mention of Obama never being vetted. I’d tell the tale of LTC Terry Lakin being railroaded in a kangaroo Court-Martial, that his Constitutional rights were vastly violated and everyone just stood by and didn’t lift a finger — thank you, Allen West — and that it never made it into the MSM, just like the news that, after all that has been said and done, no one has actually seen Obama’s Birth Certificate.”

“But that’s old news. The White House released his Birth Certificate just before LTC Lakin was released from Leavenworth Federal prison.”

“Which was proved to be a fake.”

“Your platform is very similar to Trump’s; do you think he’s copying you?”

“No, not at all; after all, everything that I proposed is just straightforward common sense, starting with the immediate deportation of each and every Muslim from our land, as in yesterday, and the same goes for illegal immigrants. And then let’s not forget to abolish the Federal Reserve Bank, the IRS and the Department of Homeland Security.”

“What do you have against Homeland Security?”

“Oh, maybe because all they do is act as a Welcome Wagon to relocate Muslims coming into our country, that and cavalierly violate our 4th Amendment rights.”

“I read that you don’t particularly care for the United Nations.”

“If you’re referring to the ‘Muslim Admiration Society,’ then yes, I’m against a political system that is in existence for the sole purpose of old men having a free license to molest young girls, which is all Islam is in a nutshell. Everything else about Islam is just icing on the cake, meaningless mumbo-jumbo. ‘Oh, when I get to Paradise, will I have a VCR?’ ‘Sure thing, kid, now prime your suicide vest and go blow up a bunch of innocent children riding a school bus or in a day care. Be really brave; be a man; be honorable. We’ll name that piece of sand that the outhouse sits on after you. Now go and show the world just how much honor a Muslim man really has.”

“I’d ask you what you really think about the Muslim savages, but we get your point. Here’s one: what are your views on the 2nd Amendment?”

“I agree with the 2nd Amendment. But first let me say one other thing about Islam. You see, America is fighting this war at a great disadvantage, and the reason is that Islam’s public relations has been working full-time, 24/7 for the last 1,400 years convincing people that Islam is some kind of religion. Why, just look at all of the history books, encyclopedias and dictionaries that proclaim Islam is a religion and not what it really is: a Totalitarian system of government enforced by draconian methods, starting with sleep deprivation, and treating women as second-class citizens.

“Look, it’s a broken record. Either the people ‘get it’ or will forever be left behind at the train station. One of those ‘The ship has sailed?’ moments, you know, ‘Oh, we’re going to all take a shower, finally get rid of this lice.’ Auschwitz; Buchenwald; Treblinka; Mao; Pol Pot’s ‘Killing Fields.’ Better wake up.

“Getting back to your question: yes, I believe in the 2nd Amendment so much, in fact, that I would’ve had gun safety courses taught in high schools, and at graduation I’d give a diploma along with a lightweight .357 Magnum revolver to every female. A women applying for a driver’s license or renewing one would have to show she’s carrying a loaded gun in her purse.

“I’d bring back the draft and make our country stronger educationally, militarily and morally stronger than it ever was. You try to mess with the USA, you just made yourself a piece of toast.”

“Isn’t that a little over-the-edge? I mean, this grand posturing?”

“It would be if I drew a line that was crossed and didn’t do anything. Me? Go ahead, just try and draw a line and you’ll never know what hit you.

“Here’s a case in point. Squad’s on patrol, 10 guys, all of a sudden start taking small arms fire from a house over yonder. Now, the lieutenant has a number of choices at his disposal. Maybe call for another squad to sneak up in back; call for a tank; call for a napalm drop; or maybe call the Navy and have a few 6” HE shells dropped from heaven upon that house. No warning. It’s there, and now it’s not there, as if it never was there. Ever. All gone, and just that quick, too. See what I mean? There are, and this is the God’s honest and awful truth, times when war can be fun after all. And before you start making a mountain out of a molehill, this very real war Islam has against Western Civilization would’ve been over, all over, mind you, by now, had I been elected president.

“One last point: global warming. Maybe had they gone after the polluters of the world, starting with Europe treating the Mediterranean as a septic tank, people would’ve bought into it, but we all know that the weather changes. Remember the ‘Little Ice Age’ in the 1700’s?

“Wait, keep rolling, please. We change the clocks back an hour tonight, right? But our animal friends don’t have clocks, so they’ll be ahead an hour, meaning that they’ll be crossing the roads when we normally wouldn’t be on the roads, so what do you say we leave a little later for the next week and drive a little bit slower so the deer, armadillos and possums and all the other little critters have a chance, okay?

“Look, I’ve got a spot at the target range reserved for about this time; care to join me? I’ve got plenty of weapons to go around, and there’s a dynamite burger place on the way back. Hey, there’s no better way to wind down after shooting the bad guys than with  a delicious burger. My treat for your crew and you, Roving.

“Sure, we’ll join you. Thanks for the invite. Well, folks, that’s our show for tonight. I enjoyed it and I liked what he had to say, as I’m sure you did. Goodnight.”

Semper Fi