WHO SHOULD CARRY FIREARMS?
by OPOVV, ©2014
(Sep. 1, 2014) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you for tuning in for the Great Debate. This anticipated happening has been planned for many months and, as I’m sure you’re all aware (and just plain tired of hearing about it), it has been hyped up by the media day after day, hour after hour. Well, the H-hour is upon us and OPOVV is walking onto the stage, from the right.”
“There’s loud cheers and, what’s this I see? Guns? People are cheering and waving their guns; no, wait, they’re not real guns after all. No, they’re cardboard guns, and all kinds. Why, I see an M16, a couple of 12-gauge shotguns and even a cutout of an M1 Abrams Main Battle tank, 128th size, and another cutout of a nuclear attack submarine. Cool.”
“Now I see a major commotion. Let’s see if I can work up to the entrance and see what’s happening. A shot! Someone fired a shot! Holy Tamale, a stampede! Let’s see if we can waylay someone and find out what’s going down. Excuse me, Miss, but why are you running and do you know what’s happening?”
“I’m running for my life and what’s happening is the so-called ‘security’ let off a round because the guy with the tank wouldn’t stop pointing the cardboard turret at him and when the guy said ‘Bang’ the cop pulled his gun and fired a round. Bye!”
“Bye, and thanks. We can hear ambulance sirens in the background, so something must’ve happened. Let’s work up a little closer, shall we? Ah, I see the tank, and if I were the size of a mouse, I’d say it looks real. There’s someone sitting on a chair holding his foot. Let’s ask him some questions.”
“Ah, excuse me, Sir, but your foot looks like it’s been shot. Mind telling us what happened?”
“Be glad to. Officer Harris, protection detail, hero, got shot in the foot by persons unknown.”
“But it looks like you shot yourself in the foot.”
“I’m sorry sir, but the facts have yet to be determined and, besides, I can’t comment on an ongoing investigation.”
“What ‘investigation?’ You shot yourself in the foot because you’re a darn fool.”
“The ‘suspect’ failed to obey the commands of a duly appointed police officer in that he failed to cease and desist from pointing a gun at an officer of the court.”
“You say what? ‘Suspect?’ ‘Gun?’ There’s no ‘suspect’ and there’s no ‘gun,’ you darn fool. You could’ve shot some innocent bystander.”
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to stand over there until reinforcements arrive. Yes, I say ‘suspect’ because a firearm was discharged in this building and I’m tasked with the safety of all of us, especially my fellow officers and myself. And, yes, ‘gun’ because it represents a real gun, which is as close as you can get to a real gun, so there. Anyway, you’re under arrest for impeding an ongoing investigation of an officer in the performance of his duty.”
“You shot yourself in the foot, you moron, and you refer to yourself as a ‘hero.’ You’re conducting an ‘investigation’ to find someone to blame for your stupidity rather than yourself. You’re trigger-happy. You never served in the military. Your job is to uphold the law, but you can’t even arrest an illegal immigrant. All you care about is getting home safely, which is how much store you put into your Oath to the Constitution, the ‘serve and protect’ part. Imagine if our military felt the same way: ‘Oh, as long as we get home safe’?”
“I know you. You probably think that the Constitution was written just for you. Well, I got news for you: everybody here is under arrest for carrying guns. The Constitution is ‘a flawed’ document; Obama said so. You people don’t respect Islam and are nothing but bigots and racists. You’re all going to jail.”
“Well, I gotta say, this interview is going viral. Now we know why OPOVV always had his speeches in secret: no cops.”
“Well now, it was an exciting time here but they’re clearing out the hall, so the debate has been cancelled. I’ve got a feeling that’s the last we’ll see of OPOVV.”
“Me? No, I’m not sticking around to play any cop games. I’ve more important things to do. I got a life to live.”
“Wait. One more thing. We’ve just heard what OPOVV wanted to debate: Topic: Democracy is the Revolution; Socialism is just the same old tired game that doesn’t work, and never has.”
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