by Pastor Dunkin, ©2026
(May 1, 2026) — “He had the midwatch. It was a chilly 48 with a stiff breeze from the north and it would’ve been perfect if there were a slight mist. Clouds were rollin’ in blocking out the stars and, lucky him, a light rain begin to fall. He was an hour into walking the deck of the destroyer when he heard it: a distinct ‘snap’ coming from the fenced area, over on the right. Someone, or something, was out there.”
“Victory at Sea Theme Song” (0:57)
“And that’s my opening. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest is an ‘old salt,’ retired Admiral Harry ‘Bullseye’ Jones. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“Thank you for having me.”
“What I just read as the opening was the first paragraph of your autobiography. True story?”
“Yes, of course it is. That night was the night I got the handle ‘Bullseye.’”
“Tell us about that night.”
“‘I have it on good authority.’ (Here’s the thing: in keeping with the spirit of good wholesome inter-service rivalry, sailors on guard duty are told that the Marines are ‘the bad guys’ and must be ‘repelled at all costs,’ and the Marines who try to sneak up on a sailor on guard duty – to test the alertness quotient — is a serious infraction that would result in extreme embarrassment. ‘I have it on good authority’ is the ultimate declaration of scuttlebutt to goad the sailor to be especially vigilant.)
“So, you were ready.”
“Son, I was always ready, Marines or not. I just wanted to shoot something, to make my four miserable hours count for something, is what I’m sayin’: round chambered, safety off.”
“But isn’t that against regulations?”
“They have laws against murder, but people get murdered, right? Chicago has gun laws, but the punks have plenty of them; what gun law? I’d rather be alive and court-martialed than be a dead sailor maybe responsible for many of my shipmates getting killed.”
“Like what happened to the USS Cole. Go on.”
“We were tied up to dock somewhere on an island in the South China Sea, 1965, when I heard the noise. So, I hid behind the forward turret and tried to see what was going on. I kept still for what seemed like an hour but was not even ten minutes when I thought I saw something move in the shadows, so I took aim and fired. Didn’t see anything, but before I knew it the place was crawlin’ with Marines and Shore Patrol. Turns out I killed a guy wearing some kind of dynamite vest.”
“You were a hero.”
“Well, yes and no. If I was a hero then those Marines who were supposedly guarding the perimeter of the base would’ve been in trouble, so everybody just swept it under the rug, so to speak.”
“No medals?”
“Just the handle ‘Bullseye,’ which was enough to launch my career.”
“You were lucky.”
“I was prepared, unlike those Secret Service agents supposedly protecting the President.”
“Good point, and with that we’ll call it a night: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”