by Henry, ©2025
(Jul. 6, 2025) — “Sleepwalk” (2:29)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Archbishop Dunkin invited us to visit his quaint church down on Hawthorn Street so here we are, up in the balcony. And there’s the Archbishop, at the pulpit, so let’s listen in.”
“Hello, believers in treating others as you too would like to be treated. Please turn to page 74 in the hymnal and sing along with the lady playing the violin.”
“Amazing Grace” (4:27)
“Please be seated. That was really nice, the music and the singing. I have it on good authority that when you get to the Pearly Gates at the end of your life, you’ll be confronted with the number of solitaire games you could’ve won had you paid attention. I don’t know the details, like percentages and such, but I do know it’s all connected to the early Egyptians in the times of the pyramids when your heart would be balanced against a feather, an early example of the Golden Rule. If a person lived ‘According to Hoyal,’ the ‘Land of milk and honey’ awaits them.
“We live in perilous times, to be sure, and if anyone doubts me, try walking anywhere in South-Side Chicago on a Saturday night with a full moon or, for that matter, any night, and ditto in daylight.
“Which brings us to the ‘Welfare State,’ of which South-Side Chicago, East St. Louis, Watts and Harlem are examples as good as any where the ‘Dewey Decimal System’ is classified as a foreign language. A ‘Welfare’ condition is defined as a ‘generational-one-parent-illiterate-abortion-Democratic-ticket-voter.’
“We live in the age of ‘convenient idiots,’ mouthpieces for our enemy. Simply put, we define our enemy as to those who wish to kill us. They even have an instruction book on who to kill and when they are allowed to kill, such as it’s okay to kill in a place and time of worship as long as you make it up with the devotions later.
“But people like Royce White and Charlie Kirk tell us that there are some ‘good Muslims’ among us, even though the Muslim belief system is built on the Quran, the ‘Book of Death,’ while the Christians’ handbook – the Bible – is built on the ‘Golden Rule.’ That’s interesting; I was just thinking about ‘Christ’s Second Coming,’ that it would behoove one to ‘toe the line.’ Remember the heart and feather.
“At this time would you please stand while you turn to page 33 of your hymnal and gleefully sign along as our quartet provides the music.”
“Love Me Do” (2:41)
“That was great. Please be seated. We are gathered here today by choice, freedom of choice, which is something you can’t find everywhere, although most in our country wouldn’t even know what you’re talking about. Take the clown, Zohran Mamdani, a publicly professed Jew-hater. Oh, really? Deport the Muslims for not embracing the Constitution; deport them ALL.
“The Biden administration welcomed millions of Muslims into our country and we’re unwelcoming them; it’s just that simple to save our Republic. And here’s the news: Why not send any judge who rules against the deportation of anyone who wants to kill us to a Third-World-Muslim-Cesspool-Country, paved roads or not? Let that be a lesson in life to all of us: don’t take freedom for granted and don’t flaunt what generations died for.
“Please remain seated while listening to the ‘Theme from Cinema Paradiso’ (3:25) while praying that our President and his Cabinet have the wherewithal to do the right thing by removing those who wish to murder us.
“Thank you. We believe in the power of prayer and we shall all pray for the families who lost loved ones in that terrible Texas flash flood of Biblical proportions as we exit our house of worship. We pray in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
“Thank you for attending; drive carefully; don’t speed and don’t tailgate. Amen.”
“Midnight Cowboy” (3:00)
“Well, now, that was one memorable church-going experience, wouldn’t you say? They’re serving dogs and cold drinks out back; meet you there. I brought mine, thank you: fresh fish egg salad topped with maggots with a side of grubs.”
“Honey Pie” (2:50)