by Bob Russell, ©2024
(May 16, 2024) — Is This a Test of my Faith?
This is the 24th installment of the series I started in February 2015 about the massive stroke I suffered on August 19, 2014. I have had three dreams of total recovery, dreams that I believe were sent from Almighty God to encourage me. The first dream in late May 2016 told me that I would wake up in the morning totally healed. It wasn’t THAT day, as I jumped out of bed rejoicing at my healing and immediately hit the floor as my left leg collapsed under me.
The second dream was on April 23, 2021 in which I was strolling through an auto repair shop, walking normally which I cannot do now, holding a large bolt in my right hand. As I walked I used my currently paralyzed left hand to unscrew a nut and take four washers off the bolt then replace the washers and screw the nut back onto the bolt. I did this repeatedly while walking around without the cane I now use to help my balance and without my current very pronounced limp.
In the dream the owner of the shop, after observing me for a while, came up to me and offered me a job, saying that a sudden thought had come over him that I could be a great asset to his business. This was rather puzzling to me as I was, at the time, well into my 71st year and couldn’t imagine how I could be an asset to any business.
The third dream occurred the night of April 21, 2023 in which I was half walking, half dancing around the altars at the front of Faith Holiness Tabernacle church, one of the two churches I attend weekly in Claremore, Oklahoma, while clapping my hands high over my head, a feat I cannot currently do.
Every night I pray asking God to let the next morning be the morning of my first dream. I read the Holy Bible daily and have read about people who waited years for God’s promise for their healing to come about. Abraham, the father of the Jewish people and many other nations, waited for 25 years for his son Isaac to be born; the woman with the issue of blood waited for 12 years to be healed; Moses waited for 40 years before confronting Pharaoh and leading the Israelites out of bondage in Egypt, then waited 40 more years for the 11-day trip across the wilderness to be completed so the people could enter the land of Canaan that God had promised to give them. Moses was not allowed to enter the Promised Land but was taken up on a mountaintop by God to be able to see it from the edge. The man on Solomon’s Porch waited 38 years to receive his healing; Jesus waited 33 years for His ministry to begin; and there are more instances of people who waited on God for quite some time before their situation was resolved.
In my prayers I daily ask God for healing but have told Him that I will wait as long as it takes for my dreams to be realized. I wake up every morning dealing with taunts and laughter from satan because I haven’t seen the promised restoration. I tell God in my prayers that His will takes priority over mine and that I will do my best to serve Him with the ability He has already given me until the day total restoration arrives. I firmly believe He has a specific date marked on His calendar for my restoration and I often wonder if He is testing me to see if I am serious about waiting for that day to get here. Being taunted by satan every day makes waiting more difficult, but I know the only way I won’t see recovery is for me to give up and I won’t do that.
Trusting in God’s plan and waiting for it is difficult, often frustrating and disappointing because there are so many things I want to do but am not able to do in my current physical status. God won’t tempt His people, but He will test us to see if our resolve to trust and obey Him are where they need to be at any given moment. If this waiting period is a test then I believe I am passing. I am very limited in what I am able to do but I do my best to serve Him in any way I am able. I serve at the two churches I attend in Claremore, including Cedarpoint Recovery on Monday evenings, and at a Celebrate Recovery program at a third church, mostly just opening a door and saying hello to people, which isn’t anything spectacular, but God wants me to do the best I can at the tasks He gives me and doesn’t expect me to do things I am not capable of doing with my current physical limitations.
It is frustrating and disappointing to me to have to sit on the sidelines while others do tasks that I would like to help with but am not able to do because of the stroke effects, but that is where I am so I dedicated that I am able to perform to God’s glory until He gives me the ability to do more. There have been things I tried to do but was not able to do, like moving chairs, mopping floors, and doing other things that require activity I am not currently able to perform.
This month, on the 19th, I will mark 9 years, 9 months of being limited by the stroke. I hope I don’t have to wait 12, 25, 30, 40 or more years, but I will wait as long as it takes, knowing that this is all God wants out of me right now: a willing heart, patience, and for me to do the best I can to perform the tasks I have before me at this time.
I am 74 years old so don’t know how many years I have left but I am sure God will be with me every day to help me along until THE day arrives. I believe satan did this to me to try to get me back into his camp because I had stopped living my life for myself and started living it for the glory of God. I believe that this situation is similar to what Job went through. although I don’t begin to think I belong in the same category as him, I do believe satan thought this would get me to abandon my faith. However, it has done just the opposite. I am closer to God than I have ever been and am drawing closer every day. I pray and read the Bible every day, giving me the strength to get through each day. Satan failed, if his plan was to get me back, because this has brought me much closer to God and I intend for that to continue. I focus more on what I CAN do rather than dwell on what I CAN’T do.
I do get a bit discouraged at times but I believe that is okay as long as I don’t let the negatives control me. I have NO doubt that Almighty God is going to restore me to full health but will do so according to His plan and until then I will continue in faith as best I can.
I submit this in the name of The Most Holy Trinity, in faith, with the responsibility given to me by Almighty God to honor His work and not let it die from neglect.
May 16, 2024