by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Dec. 9, 2023) — “Theme from Gunsmoke” (2:50)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Professor Zorkophsky is with us to hawk his latest bestseller, ‘Veterans Suicide Off the Charts: A Reason Why.’ Welcome back to ‘Pulse.’”
“Thank you for having me. I have ‘Pulse’ to thank for my success, helping me hawk my books, and I thank you again.”
“You’re welcome, I’m sure. What have you got for us today?”
“A rather interesting story. As you know, I do charity work at hospitals, mainly comforting Veterans, and as I was walking down the hall, I heard somebody yelling, ‘What have you done to my country? Where is it? Where did it go?’ I thought, ‘What a strange thing to say,’ so I peeked in and found out this guy was in a coma for the past 20 years — got concussed by an IED in Afghanistan after he joined up after 9-11 – and just came out of it and they had the TV on showing protesters marching down Fifth Avenue calling for the destruction of Israel.”
“Wow, talk about a shock. Wait until he learns about the ‘Patriot Act.’”
“You better believe it, something that should’ve been trashed the day it was written. And weaponizing the DHS.”
“Don’t forget the DOJ and the FBI.”
“And the Capitol Police.”
“The list goes on forever. Wait until he hears how much gas is, and peanut butter.”
“And he learns about the ‘Clot Shot.’ He’ll flip.”
“Why did they keep him on life support for 20 years?”
“Because every couple of weeks he’d snap out of it for a few minutes and then revert back, that’s why. The last time, about a year ago, he asked for a TV set.”
“Wait ’til he learns about the Jan. Sixers [‘Justice for All’ (2:24)].”
“And how utterly despicable Liz Cheney is.”
“She could put anyone in a coma.”
“Better have some sort of censorship on his TV, then: no Cheney.”
“Ever notice how, when people get old, they kind-of change to look like their personality, in a way, maybe?”
“The ‘WWW’: ‘Wicked Witch of Wyoming.’”
“Now ain’t that the truth? Her personality is written all over her face; just check out that photo of her sitting behind the dais on that Jan. 6 illegal witch-hunt committee.”
“Sorry, time for a short commercial break.”
“Theme from The High Chaparral” (0:36)
“And we’re back with the Professor…”
“’Zork’; please call me ‘Zork’ because I feel it makes for a more relaxing atmosphere.”
“Alright, Zork it is. So, you were tellin’ us about this guy who came out of a 20-year coma.”
“It was this Jew-bashing that upset him to no end. He kept on yelling that he woke up in 1930s Germany, and he didn’t want any part of it. He said to wake him up into a world where there was some semblance of common sense, not until then. And you know what?”
“No, what?”
“I agree with him. He’s right, you know. This Jew-bashing isn’t America; it’s Gaza-slash-Muslim nonsense; it’s wherever there is hatred for the ‘GOLDEN RULE’*, and that’s the truth. I have never been ashamed of my country, but when I see Hamas flags being carried down our streets and idiots cheering for murder, well, it makes me come to a boil.”
“Well, join the club. Now, about your book?”
“Pretty simple, really. You send young men over to fight the enemy and then you bring the enemy to live next door to the Veteran. It doesn’t make any sense. The Veteran knows what kind of people the Muslims are; they’re not blind, you know, not like idiots such as ‘Morning Joe’, Biden and Harris. Now as far as Mayorkas goes, there’s one failure if there ever was one. I believe God put Mayorkas on earth to show the world what a ‘WIMP’ looks like when asked the question, ‘Is the border secure?’ (1:11)’ If anyone out there has a ‘low self-esteem day,’ to shock you out of the blues just look at Mayorkas to cure yourself; trust me. After all, I am a certified practicing psychiatrist although these days I write books rather than practice.”
“Don’t you miss your patients?”
“Are you kidding? No way. All day long hearing about how sad they are, but what about me? I‘d like to scream that in their ears, just once. Because I was afraid of my wife telling me to ‘take a hike,’ I divorced her. Big mistake, my biggest regret. So, what if she told me to take a hike, we’d be apart anyway, right? I wish I had swallowed my pride, just once; I mean, I got a Good Conduct Medal when I was separated from the military.”
“You are one funny guy.”
“My ex-wife cheated because of my PTSD, so I left and divorced her. Then I cured myself: no PTSD, kissed the nightmares goodbye, kicked the booze, cigarettes and the drugs, so here I am, cured but lost without her. Sad. She might have said, ‘Get lost,’ but the way I burned my bridges I’ll never know, and that’s where the sadness enters. That’s the regret, but I think it might be better to have a regret than to commit suicide, just sayin’. Anyway, that’s why our Veterans are doing themselves in: we’re welcoming the enemy to live with us and that’s very wrong. We’re inviting the Grim Reaper to rape our women and murder us. Now where’s the sense in that? You tell me. The clock is ticking.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t, and neither can they, and I believe all rational people worldwide would agree with you. And we’ve just run out of time, and so this is your Roving Reporter, along with Zork, wishing all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*GOLDEN RULE: So, Muslims go around just killing for the sake of killing Infidels. The Golden Rule states to treat others as you yourself would wish to be treated, and that’s the reason there’s no Golden Rule in Islam; they wouldn’t want people to indiscriminately murder them for no reason, so why do it to us? Islam will never embrace the Golden Rule; if it did, Islam would shrivel up and die, for the whole reason for its existence is to murder non-Muslims.]
“Happy Trails” (3:17)