by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Apr. 21, 2023) — “80’s Ladies” (4:13)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest today is Miss Nancy Welk, a retired CIA operative from South Side Chicago. Did I read that right, Chicago?”
“No, you did not. I was tasked with surveilling the suburbanites who visited the Museum of Natural History, which basically entailed running license plates.”
“But doesn’t the CIA’s charter entail no operations within the borders of the USA? A parking lot in Chicago is clearly within the USA, isn’t it?”
“Well, that depends.”
“Depends? Depends on what?”
“Look, I didn’t agree to spill the beans to give a geography lesson. We scrutinized all intellectuals, is what I did.”
“It still sounds a little fishy.”
“You sound like one of those flaming ‘Patriots,’ the exact profile I was instructed to make a report on.”
“On me? What kind of report? So, I visit the museum; big deal.”
“My contract with the CIA was I got paid $10 for every name I turned in when I started 30 years ago, and $100 when I retired last year.”
“So, you retired as a multimillionaire.”
“But not as many as you may think.”
“Why not?”
“Why not? What kind of stupid question is that? First, I had to give the Director of the CIA a percentage, then the governor of Illinois, and the two senators, the mayor, and the police chief of Chicago, all the way down to the snow-plow contractor. Yes, I made a lot of money but not nearly your ‘multi’ millions.”
“How many, then? Wait, answer after this short commercial break.”
“Tomorrow is a Long Time” (3:01)
“And we’re back. You were going to tell us how many millions you retired with.”
“Ten, an even ten.”
“What about taxes?”
“No taxes because income derived from work outside the United States was tax-free.”
“But you worked in Chicago.”
“No, I did not because, at the time, I lived in Vancouver, British Columbia and the parking attendant sent me photographs of the license plates and it was those numbers that I sent to the FBI and then they would relay that information to the CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia.”
“But…”
“Stop it; you’re just going to confuse yourself.”
“I give up.”
“They usually do.”
“So, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that it was people just like me who destroyed the Republic, and that’s why everyone’s on edge these days, and if you don’t believe me just ask any trucker and they’ll tell you. They’ll tell you since Biden got away with stealing the election, common road courtesy has gone to the dogs, big-time. They’ll tell you they used to keep a loaded revolver on their hip, in the holster when they drove, but nowadays they keep it right between their legs for quick and easy access. Everyone’s on edge these days, and getting Biden and his gang of thieves out of the White House can’t be done soon enough.’
“We’re done.”
“Thanks for having me. I hope I made everything all clear.”
“I’m afraid you did; goodnight. And I’ll say the same to our audience: Goodnight.
“Good show, but what was the point? I’ll tell you what the point was: you’re never, and I do mean never, going to get a straight answer from a Deep-Stater, so forget it. Burger time for the crew: my treat.”
[For a little bit of reality with a touch of humor, check out ‘The Chit Show,’ a site that never gets old.]
“Hello, Hello” (2:26)
Roving Reporter