Map of Martha’s Vineyard (Wikimedia Commons, CC by SA 3.0)

From: Chris Cirino
Date: September 16, 2022 at 5:04:53 PM EDT
To:joekahn@nytimes.com
Cc:agsulzberger@nytimes.com, katie.kingsbury@nytimes.com, editorial@nytimes.com
Subject: Tragedy on Martha’s Vineyard

Good day Joey Kahn,

It must be a busy time for you Kahny at your desk as executive editor of your tabloid, The NY Times.  It seems there is a bit of an illegal immigration crisis over at Martha’s Vineyard, stemming from some issue at the southern border?    I know Kahny, it is a shock to me too, as this is the first I have heard of it.  You must feel the same, as I haven’t seen ANY coverage of this nearly 2 year humanitarian crisis until just recently in your tabloid.

We need to point out the fact that these semi-fascists (sort of like being a little pregnant), MAGA’s and even the extremely rare Ultra-MAGA’s are at it again—reeking havoc.   Well at least that is what Joey Robinette, and his installed administration are saying.  Who would ever doubt Ole Joe, the great unifier.  Well, our radical right wing friends have a different spin on it altogether.  Let’s take a look , but first a little look back at events at the Vineyard.

A Little Vineyard History

It seems Martha’s Vineyard is an exclusive enclave for many of the liberal elite to vacation on. Some even have multimillion dollar estates, like Barack Hussein and his partner Michael—more on that power couple later.  

Teddy the Liberal Lion

It seems, Martha’s Vineyard and a tiny island just off it, Chappaquiddick, made headlines back in 1969.  It was back then that Kennedy scion, Teddy (the liberal lion), really put the Vineyard on the map.  If you recall, a tragic accident occurred that night for which Teddy was minutely involved, simply a tragic accident nothing more, as all liberals recall.

That is not what our friends across the aisle say though, quite the contrary.  It seems the married Teddy (devout Catholic), left an alcohol fueled get together with a young single staffer, Mary Jo Kopechne.  As Teddy headed to a secluded beach, (probably to finish up some official paperwork), he said he got lost going to the ferry with Mary Jo, even though he had been coming here for years, he then drove off a small bridge into the water.  After freeing himself and leaving Mary Jo, he then went back to the party house and after conferring with staffer’s, Ole Teddy was able to swim the channel (some 500 feet) to the mainland and go back to his hotel—while Mary Jo was still in the car, albeit under water.

Well, after only 12 hours (after speaking to lawyers and advisors), the highly moral, devout Catholic Teddy decided to call police and report the accident.  He received a slap on the wrist and insurance paid a modest sum to the family…..seems fair, don’t  ya think Kahny?  I understand that some of these same police now work for the Gestapo, sorry I mean the FBI, and they were assigned to investigate Hunter Biden.  

Conservatives say, this incident sets the stage for the latest example of entitled, elitist liberals and the hypocritical double standard that they seem to be afforded.  Like the fact that the southern border has basically been wide open since the vegetable was installed in the White House, which has resulted in border states being inundated with illegals. Repeated calls to the White House for a plan or assistance from state representatives have gone unheeded.

The Border Czar to the Rescue

They even appointed the outrageously incompetent Heels Up Harris as the Border Czar.  Was the plan to have her go there and giggle hysterically, like a village idiot and drive them back to Mexico?  Conservatives ask, besides sampling various pastries and traveling the world on the taxpayer dime—what has this word salad, cackling buffoon accomplished as the “Border Czar,” or anything else for that matter?

This Should Get Their Attention

Well, it seems all that needed to be done was deliver 50 illegals to the playground of the out of touch liberals to get some action.  Even you started giving coverage to this over at your tabloid Pravda, Kahny.  Bravo champ!

It seems these 50 illegals have caused a “humanitarian Crisis” on the island.  Imagine, an island that houses roughly 20,000 year round and over 100,000 during the summer, is having a “CRISIS,” housing FIFTY of the downtrodden, that they have such compassion for (as long as it is somewhere far away apparently).  Sources say celebrities were screaming at their minimum wage help to rip those—“we welcome all” signs off the front lawn, before they would release the hounds on them.

The Commander Speaks

They even woke up Joey Talibiden in between his afternoon naps to make a statement.  He was not happy as this cut into his cartoon watching time, and pudding pops,
screaming, that it is un-American, and it is playing politics with human lives—he vowed action.  They didn’t have time to provide the blood red backdrop, and put the little mustache on Joey.

Really, Joey Robinette

Conservatives want to know, exactly how detracted from reality is Lyin’ Biden and his handlers.  They point out after some estimates as high as 4,900,000 illegals have crossed the southern border, since this treasonous incompetent has been installed in office—and he is now outraged over 50 illegals and a humanitarian crisis in Martha’s Vineyard.  I guess Hussein was not happy about this and got on the horn to the very accommodating Joey. He wanted to stay on Hussein’s good side for next years birthday bash (the last one was of course maskless during the plandemic—oh, that privileged Hussein).

Well anyway, in less than 24 hours these poor downtrodden lost souls were being shipped off this land of hypocritical frauds.  I mean how are these out of touch celebrities going to enjoy their Dom Perignon, pheasant under glass and truffles—knowing “these people” are on their island.  Word is as soon as the last illegal was shipped off, a public service message went out that it was safe to put the welcome all signs back out on the lawn.  I understand Oprah had tears in her eyes as they stuffed the last illegal in the van leaving the island—what a sincere, loving, down to earth individual she is.

Finally Journalistic Integrity

Well, it accomplished one thing Kahny.  It got your tabloid to actually print SOMETHING, ANYTHING about illegal immigration.  See, that journalism degree is finally coming in handy, your folks must be so proud.

One last thing, It seems Gavin Newsom is so outraged he wants these southern border governors charged with kidnapping and removed from office.  Great idea!  But wait a minute, the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT has been flying these illegals in the dead of the night throughout the country since the houseplant was installed.  That would mean, Talibiden (installed puppet), Heels Up Harris (Border Czar/pastry aficionado), and Alejandro Mayorkas (Daddy Warbucks), would have to be removed.  Ya know Kahny, for the first time I have to agree with that narcissistic, incompetent Newsom…….let’s start charging them!

Sincerely,
Chris Cirino

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  1. From various decisions in the past, the US Supreme Court (USSC) has hamstrung Congress (and States) from effectively carrying out their authority to manage immigration laws, especially when it comes to the USSC treating illegal aliens as if they should have equal protection under the law. In my mind, as the USSC justices deal with equal protection under the law for illegal aliens, that’s equivalent to saying that an escaped felon cannot be touched and rounded up to be put back into prison.
    To wit:

    Article I, Section 8, Clause 18:
    [The Congress shall have Power . . . ] To make all Laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into Execution the foregoing Powers, and all other Powers vested by this Constitution in the Government of the United States, or in any Department or Officer thereof.

    While the Supreme Court has generally shown deference to Congress’s authority over aliens, the Court has shown less deference to state government regulation of aliens. In Graham v. Richardson, the Supreme Court in 1971 held that state laws denying welfare benefits to noncitizens, or conditioning such benefits on a long period of residence, violated equal protection. Recognizing that both U.S. citizens and aliens were entitled to the equal protection of the laws of their state of residence, the Court determined that the states’ desire to preserve limited welfare benefits for its citizens was not a sufficient justification for denying benefits to aliens. The Court, moreover, observed that only Congress had the power to formulate policies with respect to the admission of aliens and the conditions of their residence in the United States, and concluded that by denying welfare benefits to aliens, the state laws conflict[ed] with these overriding national policies in an area constitutionally entrusted to the Federal Government.

    Similarly, in Plyler v. Doe, the Supreme Court in 1982 struck down a Texas statute that withheld funds for the education of children who were not legally admitted into the United States, and a school district policy that denied enrollment to such children. The Court noted that aliens present within the United States, even unlawfully, have long been recognized as ‘persons’ guaranteed due process of law by the Fifth and Fourteenth Amendments. Thus, the Court held, the plaintiffs challenging the state law and school district policy that denied them a basic education were entitled to equal protection. The Court concluded that, because the state failed to show that its school enrollment policies advanced a substantial state interest, those policies could not survive constitutional scrutiny. Further, the Court observed that Congress uniquely had the power to create a complex scheme governing admission to our Nation and status within our borders, and that the state’s policy of restricting access to education for aliens d[id] not operate harmoniously within the federal program. But the Court suggested that the state’s policy would have been permissible if it had advanced an identifiable congressional policy to limit access to education for unlawfully present aliens.

    Although the federal government has the exclusive power to regulate immigration, not every state law that pertains to aliens is necessarily a regulation of immigration that is per se preempted by that federal power. But state laws that conflict with or pose an obstacle to the federal regulatory scheme are preempted. For example, in Arizona v. United States, the Supreme Court in 2012 held that Arizona laws that made it a misdemeanor to fail to comply with federal alien-registration requirements, that made it a misdemeanor for an unlawfully present alien to seek or engage in employment in the state, and that authorized police officers to arrest aliens on the grounds that they were potentially removable were preempted by federal law. Citing the federal government’s broad, undoubted power over the subject of immigration and the status of aliens, the Court determined that the Arizona provisions intruded into areas that Congress already regulated, and conflicted with Congress’s existing statutory framework governing aliens.

    The Supreme Court’s greater scrutiny of state laws reveals an important distinction between the constitutional limits on state power and the constitutional grant of power to the Federal Government with respect to immigration. The Court’s jurisprudence suggests that the Court is willing to give more deference to Congress’s policy choices in the immigration context because it is the business of the political branches of the Federal Government, rather than that of either the States or the Federal Judiciary, to regulate the conditions of entry and residence of aliens. Conversely, the Court is willing to exercise less judicial restraint when the constitutional challenge in question involves the relationship between aliens and states rather than aliens and the federal government, especially if the state’s policy encroaches upon the federal government’s authority..

    BTW Rafael E. (Ted), there seems to be a mystery surrounding why you have not proffered your own immigration papers that awarded you your US citizenship. Ted – Show us your papers, please. After-all: The Constitution allows immigrants who become naturalized citizens to serve in any government office except for one — the presidency itself. In Article II, Section 1 the Constitution affirms that “No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President.”

  2. Isn’t it odd how quick “liberal compassion” ends when they are expected to show rather than posturing by telling the rest of us how wonderful and loving they are??????????