Screenshot: C-Span

From: Chris Cirino
Date: September 14, 2022 at 3:57:18 PM EDT
To: joekahn@nytimes.com
Cc: agsulzberger@nytimes.com, katie.kingsbury@nytimes.com, editorial@nytimes.com
Subject:The Twilight Zone Continues!

Good day Joey Kahn,

I hope today finds you well at your desk as the executive editor of the iconic tabloid, The NY Times.  I see that Joey Robinette is stomping across swing states before the midterms, using his usual Kennedy like eloquence at the podium.   I know you must be in awe, as I am Kahny. I see that his mastery of elocution is rubbing off on his press secretary KJ Pierre.  She has also been knocking it out of the park with her lightning like responses during her daily Q&A’s.  As usual those radical right wingers are having none of it, criticizing these oratory icons, at every chance they get.  Let’s try and see where they come up with these outrageous claims of incompetence.

Biden’s Unifying (Satanic) Speech

Let’s start with that brilliant unifying speech a few weeks ago by Joey Robinette.  Wow, ole Joe knocked it out of the park with that one—don’t ya think Kahny?  Well those darn conservatives were besides themselves, trying to rain on little Joey’s parade.

Conservatives think that possibly Beijing Biden has lost what is left of his mentally addled brain.  They felt that the backdrop of this satanic and divisive “unifying” speech—would be more appropriate at a Metallica or Ozzy Osborne concert.  I mean with the blood red lighting, marines standing at their posts, behind the Supreme Houseplant-in-Chief.  All that was missing was Chardonnay Pelosi flying around on her broom with a trail of smoke.

The Fourth Reich

Then there he was, his fist raised in the air—condemning MAGA’s 13 times in his 24 minute rant.  All that was missing was the little mustache and armband.  He already has the Gestapo with Merrick Garland; his Minster of propaganda with Mini-Me Pierre (though she is no Joseph Goebbels Psaki…..more on Mini-Me later); Stacey Abrams could fill in as Goering, and Heels Up Harris could fill in as Rudolf Hess— as he was useless to anyone, sort of like the Border Czar is in the present day.

Well, Mein Fuhrer Biden ranted about threats to Democracy, that these people who want to make America great again pose.  I always thought that making America great again was a good thing Kahny?  I guess I need to take a CRT correspondence course to really grasp what Bidenflation is talking about.  Maybe I could attend a BLM (building larger mansions) rally; I just have to wait until a conservative is back in office for that. Apparently, there hasn’t been any racial injustices since Mein Fuhrer was installed.  Or possibly, inflation has hit Georgie Soros’ pocketbook hard to fund these protests—we all have to make sacrifices during these inflationary times.

A Couple of Minor Details left Out

Conservatives point out one thing though.  It seems Mein Fuhrer, failed to mention a couple of things about the state of the country.  Namely, inflation crippling middle and lower class families, with credit card debt at record highs, and approximately 35% not able to buy the basic necessities.  You know food, shelter, healthcare, gas—those pesky little things Mein Fuhrer failed to mention.

Gas still over 40% higher since the Fuhrer was installed.  Even as he depletes our strategic petroleum reserve….which seems very practical.  Which by the way, will stop right before the midterms, when you can then expect prices to go up again.  Yep, the Fuhrer’s handlers sure had some lucky timing there, huh Kahny?  Sort of like vaccine manufacturers withholding that they had a successful Covid vaccine, until just after the 2020 election—what a coincidence, simply amazing!

He also failed to mention the treasonous debacle and human travesty that is taking place on our southern border.  Not too mention the calamitous amount of fentanyl coming across, killing our citizens; number one killer of of 18-45 year olds.

No News is Good News

You know Kahny I’ve been asking you for a while now, how come NONE of this is covered in your iconic tabloid Pravda?  I know, I know, we need 24/7 coverage of the INSURRECTION and the Gestapo raid on Mar-a-lago; but maybe a blurb about this catastrophe at the border or rampant inflation.  Maybe sneak it in next to the Earl Scribble paint job advertisement on page 46.  You know to keep up with the journalistic integrity you and The Times are known for (wink, wink).

It’s Tough to Lie ALL the Time

It seems like Mini-Me Pierre needs more training from a true sociopath, namely Jenny Goebbels Psaki.  The lies don’t seem to flow nearly as easy for this incompetent, who was hired for her gender, skin pigmentation, (just like our latest Supreme Court appointment and VP superstar), and her sexual orientation.  As far as being qualified, well not so much.  It seems she is unable to answer a direct question, she does (barely) have the ability to read a talking point from her huge propaganda binder……which she also uses as a booster seat while driving.

Nothing to See Here, Move Along

When asked why illegal immigrants are just allowed to walk freely across the border, her response was, “that is just not true.”  Well that solves that—even if there are numerous videos contradicting her blatant LIES!

When asked how the ridiculously named Inflation Reduction Act is going to immediately help Americans who are struggling mightily now, her response was, “citizens can apply for federal aid on the purchase of solar panels and energy efficient windows.” I don’t know about you Kahny, but it’s going to be a tough sell, telling the family that they will have to substitute food on the  kitchen table with solar panels.  Maybe Mini-Me has a secret recipe for solar panels, something French, perhaps.

When she was again asked what they are doing to help Americans crippled by rampant inflation, her reply was, “this (installed) president has created a record number of jobs (most coming back after being let go during the plandemic), as we experience low unemployment numbers.”  So, Conservatives want to know: when the bank comes to foreclose on your house, should people just tell them Bidenflation has created a record number of jobs; when you can not afford to purchase food for your family at the checkout counter, do you tell them about unemployment numbers; when you can’t afford baby formula (if you can get it), do you mention the deal you can get on solar panels; when your car dies, how do you purchase a new $65,000 electric vehicle?  Do you just do what new Mother Petey Buttigieg suggests, when you currently can’t afford to fill up your car?  Maybe we should just tape some of those discounted solar panels around the old car and hope for the best?

Party Like it’s 1999

Finally, let’s look at the celebration of the passing of the Inflation Reduction Act, on the White House lawn by the puppet occupying the White House.  Yes, the inept leader in his dollar store aviator sunglasses, actually celebrating his economic triumphs,  while inflation actually ticked UP, the morning of his speech.  At the same time, the stock market experienced its worst day since June of 2020–during the height of the Plandemic.  We even had musical guests serenading us, as James Taylor (is he senile too?) entertaining us during this surreal, delusional display.

Delusional Old Nancy

Then we had Chardonnay Pelosi wetting herself again, as she showered Beijing Biden with vomitous praise.  After her unhinged diatribe, she then had to remind the entire partisan cult, that this was indeed, “the time to applaud.”  They immediately woke up and started to clap.   Unnamed sources said Big Paulie Pelosi was absent as he was down the road with an unidentified female at a local tavern enjoying 2 for 1 drinks.  See Kahny, inflation is even hitting the Pelosi’s,  as they too have to stretch that dollar…… no word if Chardonnay will have to scale back on her $15 a pint gourmet ice cream.

Paging “Dr.” Jill

Finally, we have mentally addled Joey ranting and raving as usual, while stepping all over his jacket that he just placed on the ground.  Where was his nurse, “Dr.” Jilly Bean, when you need her?    Perhaps she was with her ex-husband, trying to make amends after her adulterous affair with devout Catholic Joey Robinette.  Or perhaps there was a blue light special at Walmart on shower curtains, so she could add to her wardrobe ensemble.

Conservatives as well as some Democrats want to know how much further this corrupt, incompetent  puppet and his treasonous cabal will detach  from reality?  Where does the line get drawn on this insanity, more than half of America wants to know?  What if Joey Robinette comes out and says, ”the earth is flat”?  Does Mini-Me Pierre come out the next day, and when questioned on this, say in response : “the president is very proud of his low unemployment numbers and MAGA is our greatest threat” (never mind those pesky Leaders in China, Iran, North Korea, and Russia.)  But Mini-Me you never answered the question: “I’m sorry, we are out of time.”

The Propaganda Machine

Conservatives say, an integral part of this disastrous Twilight Zone of an installed administration, is your tabloid Pravda (NY Times), that provides minuscule or more often, NO coverage of this treasonous regime.  I mean Kahny, didn’t those Ivy League schools you attended teach anything about journalistic integrity or self respect?  You do have a conscience…..right Kahny?  Or are you too enmeshed in the propaganda, CRT and the like; or maybe those deep pockets of your boss AG Sulzberger, sway your integrity meter all the way down to zero.  Well at least you can buy an electric car with that payoff,  even if you can’t honestly look yourself in the mirror Kahny.

Now, get back to work.  We need more saturation coverage of the INSURRECTION, and the Gestapo raid on Mar-a-lago.  We have to get peoples minds off of losing their homes, putting food on the table, and meeting everyday expenses, all those minor details.  Is that what they teach in those Ivy League schools, deflection, omission and when that fails, just lie about the news?   Very impressive.  What is the Old Gray Lady’s mantra again…..oh yeah, “All the News That’s Fit to Print.”  Now, that’s comedic gold right there, absolutely hilarious!

Sincerely,
Chris Cirino

P.S.  Who the hell names their kid Robinette?




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