From: Chris Cirino
Date: March 24, 2022 at 11:08:04 AM EDT
Cc: email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com
Good day Deano,
I hope today finds you well at your desk, as the Executive Editor of the iconic New York Times. It seems your tabloid itself has been very much in the news as of late. Those radical right wingers are at it again, questioning your tabloid’s veracity and dedication to journalistic integrity—the nerve Deano! Well let’s put together some facts and let the public judge for themselves, shall we old sport?
Well is seems Joey Robinette’s prodigal son, Hunter (former energy expert, now famous artist), is back in the news again. When will these right wing lunatics stop their relentless assault on the Biden crime family, um, I mean Biden family? I thought that we had solved the issue of Hunter’s laptop during the Presidential installation of 2020.
Remember Deano—when about a month before the installation, the New York Post reported that Hunter’s laptop was discovered in a Delaware repair shop, with some very incriminating emails on it. This was verified, in part by interviewing recipients of emails, from said laptop. Some of the evidence even pointed to the angelic, morally uncompromised, Joey Robinette (aka, the Big Guy, Mr. 10%).
The New York Times to the Rescue
Thank goodness, a legitimate trustworthy news outlet such as The NY Times was able to squash this hyped-up propaganda immediately. I believe the ‘go to’ battle cry at the time was, “Russian disinformation.” Together with the aid of such other credible stalwart outlets like: CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, NBC, The Washington Post—as well as social media icons Twitter and Facebook, you were able to slam that door shut. In addition, we had unbiased celebrities and talk show hosts; and of course with credible political powerhouses like Chardonnay Pelosi and Adam Schiff, we were able to silence this vile propaganda. Of course, let’s not forget those 50 “intelligence officials,” who concurred wholeheartedly. The FBI too, who has had said laptop in their possession for years now. Calm down Conservatives, the Gestapo, I mean FBI have their hands full, you know, investigating Joey’s daughter’s diary. These investigations take time unless of course……….. it involves the “insurrection”. Then the FBI perform with lightning fast efficiency. Conservatives see it a very different way Deano, let’s look at it from their viewpoint.
“The news that is fit to print”………..Sometimes!
Conservatives point out that you, Dean Baquet, recently ran an article in The Old Gray Lady in regards to this matter. It seems now, 17 months after that original story ran, you are NOW corroborating this New York Post article. Even in this article, you waited until the 24th paragraph to mention these facts (must have been an oversight by your editing department). Have you taken leave of your senses, Deano old boy? Have you drank the proverbial right wing Kool-Aid? Why the admission of this evidence now?
Conservatives say that there is no reason to withhold the truth anymore. No reason to omit, lie, or censor factual information— the mentally addled, corrupt puppet Joey Talibiden has been installed. That it was a concerted effort by tabloids such as yours, that omitted or better yet, “fact-checked,” these incriminating emails. They refer to you and your ilk as journalistic disgraces, who long ago sold your souls and integrity to become a political arm/hack of the Democratic/Progressive Party. They add, this combined with your blatantly deceitful arrogance and hubris, has done irreparable harm to the core of honest, unbiased journalism. With your printing or omission of your vile, fictional tripe, I say bravo, Deano!
So, I guess you ruffled a few Conservative feathers Deano. I’m with you buddy, the end justifies the means, as far as I’m concerned. The main objective of course, was to block elected President Trump from being legitimately re-elected; partly, by hiding any incriminating criminal evidence against the Houseplant-in-Chief, and his corrupt family. So what if some fraud had to be committed to secure the vote……no harm, no foul, right Deano? So what if you had to run a little interference (many say, a lot), to get the job done. It’s all good. President Trump is a racist!
Is Joey Gonna have to Take a Dive?
I understand there is another train of thought here champ. A few unnamed sources (WAPO trick I picked up), feel Joey Bidenflation has worn out his welcome with his puppet masters. You know, those behind the scenes, who are hard at work destroying this great country while using the Vegetable-in-Chief as a mouthpiece – a very bad one at that, they add. They are saying, he is in the process of being Cuomo’d.
From what I understand, these powers that be are not happy with little Joey’s, in-the-toilet poll numbers, and his never ending slew of screw-ups. Sources say, Deano, your admission to the authenticity of Hunter’s (famous artist) laptop, is proof that Joey may be being set up to step down. Of course, I know your honesty and professionalism are pure as the driven snow, but the timing does seem a bit peculiar champ, I mean 17 MONTHS?
Moral Compass Gone Astray Deano?
Unnamed source’s say Conservatives want to know how you push out this blatant partisan nonsense, day in and day out. They are curious how people like you, or the Minister of Propaganda, Jen Goebbels Psaki do this everyday and then go home to your families?
They wonder if you guys teach the golden rule at home for you children: tell the truth, be responsible for your actions, own up to your mistakes, treat others the way you would like to be treated? Do you then, turn that switch off in your heads once you get in the car and head out to work? Or do you teach your kids to lie, deflect, and connive from the time they start to talk? Do Peppermint Patti Psaki’s kids run to the door when Mom comes home and ask, “what lies did you tell today Mommy?” It takes a certain type of person to pull that off……..you should be proud! President Trump is a racist!
I see Andy boy may be throwing his hat in the political ring again. He shouldn’t let all those nursing home deaths and sexual harassment issues get in the way. As Andy said, “what can I say, I’m Italian.” Word is he will be handing out cannoli’s at polling places. I see Comptroller Thomas DiNapoli, reported that ole Andy severely under reported the number of nursing home deaths. Funny though Deano, people were screaming for these numbers for months while Andy was still governor, and Tommy D. remained silent. Then Andy starts hinting he may venture back into politics and …………voila, Tommy had those numbers likkity split. Remarkable! Who says Tommy DiNapoli isn’t on the up and up! Will The Times, as usual be endorsing ole Romeo Cuomo?
It is good to see our fearless leader Joey Talibiden, heading overseas to meet with NATO leaders. I’m sure he will be setting policy and showing who is in charge over there. In the meantime, it is nice to see the other world leaders leading Joey around by the arm—pointing in the direction of the bathroom—wiping the spittle off his chin after his juice box and mac and cheese lunch, and waiting with him until “Dr.” Jill picks him up.
Reportedly, Heels Up Harris was originally supposed to be representing us over there in Brussels. I was shocked that she was shelved, seeing as she did so well last time she was abroad. When asked to comment on this Kalamity said, “we have to go, in order to go, I will go, to go where they go, we have to make sure we go, ultimately we will go, in order to go. Thank you, no more questions.”
That’s it for today Deano. Keep up the great work at The Old Gray Lady. With all the madness going around, we can always count on The Times…….for entertainment, if nothing else. Remember this, when you get home to tell the family all the lies, I mean reporting you oversaw today as the Executive Editor of the New York Times. Well done Dean Baquet, we’ll done.