From: Chris Cirino
Date: March 15, 2022 at 1:28:00 PM EDT
Cc: firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com
Subject: The Queen Of Word Salad
Good day Deano,
I hope today finds you well at your desk as the Executive Editor of the iconic New York Times. Well, Joey has sure been in the spotlight lately, with his lightning fast, decisive decision making, and leadership skills. Is there anything this man can’t do? I do have one question though Deano. Why his name, Joey Robinette Biden, is rarely seen on your front page? I mean with all he has accomplished, I would think you would have his name splashed all across your tabloid……..very odd. As a matter of fact, you usually have numerous articles daily, still referring to elected President Trump, and again, rarely anything about the current installed resident at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. It is like you are almost, almost mind you, trying to intentionally keep his name out of your headlines. Why would that be? Ah well, enough about Joey Bidenflation. I’d like to focus today on his fantastic choice that has been installed as VP, the highly charismatic and more than competent Kamala Harris. Of course, we’ll also cover the opinions of those right wing zealots attacking just about every move she makes.
Joey’s Go to Gal
With the situation growing ever worse in the Ukraine, Joey has decided to pull out the big guns. You guessed it Deano, it’s Heels Up Harris to the rescue. Of course, Little Joey would normally handle these things himself, but with all the long weekends at one of his Delaware estates, it presents a scheduling conflict. We were hoping he would be around this weekend, but reportedly he is entered in a soapbox derby with the other neighborhood children. No need to worry though, Kalamity is on the case.
She was the obvious choice, after her rousing success at our own southern border. It seems though, Conservatives are disgusted with her incompetence and inability to grasp the seriousness of anything she is assigned to. They say her gift of double talk aka, word salad, is becoming legendary. I, like you Deano, don’t see it, but let’s take a look anyway.
Conservatives point out that Kalamity has this uncanny ability to say the wrong thing, or use jumbled nonsense, or laugh ridiculously at the most inappropriate times. Of course she does have her shining moments though. When she implied that her present boss Joey, was a racist and sexual predator, during the Democratic primary debates. This all went away though, as soon as Joey tapped Heels Up to be his running mate, due to her gender and skin pigmentation………I mean her qualifications. Let’s take a look at some of the miscues, the radical right speaks of.
The Border Debacle
When questioned on the tarmac early in the Harris-Biden administration, she was asked, do you plan on visiting the southern border (you know, to investigate the disaster their administration created, since she was appointed border czar)?
Her reply was, “not today,” followed by a ridiculous sophomoric laughing fit. I think this is when she first instilled in us, great confidence. What do you think Deano?
In the same vein, she was asked later on by legendary interviewer Lester Holt, if she intended to visit the border, seeing as though she has never been there?
Once again, Willie Brown’s former girlfriend said, “well, I’ve never been to Europe either, (insert inappropriate laughter), and I mean, I don’t understand the point you’re making !” Wasn’t she a former Senator Deano? To me it seems like a pretty straightforward question.Ah, it must be that President Trump is a racist!
Next on the hit parade Deano, is when Kalamity was asked by interviewer Craig Melvin, “if the administration was planning on changing course on Covid?” This of course, was after the Liar-in-Chief said, he would stop the virus dead in it’s tracks. Well, we now know that this was just Joey and his pathological lying, and pie in the sky empty campaign promises. But, Kalamity put us at ease with this statement.
“It is time to do what we have been doing, and that time is every day. Every day, is time for us to agree that there are things and tools that are available to us to slow this thing down.”
Who in their right mind can argue with this logic? It’s so, so reassuring. What don’t you understand, you right wing lunatics?
Off To Europe
Recently ole Kalamity has headed across the pond to quell the uneasiness and hostility in Ukraine. What an absolute perfect selection she is to get the job done.
While in Poland, the installed VP was asked a direct question in regards to the issue between the United States and Poland, to supply Ukraine with MIG fighter jets. Well, as usual, Kalamity was direct and got right to the point. She said, “the United States and Poland are united in what we have done and what we are prepared to help Ukraine and the Ukraine people. Full stop.” But Kamala, you never answered the question in regards to the jets…………well then, obviously President Trump is a racist!
Conservatives then said, leave it up to this diplomatic genius to one up that exchange. While at the presser with Polish President Duda, she was asked about what the United States was going to do to aid the approximately 1,500,000 Ukraine refugees. Well, after a few moments of helplessly looking at Duda to answer the question for her, she replied “a friend in need, is a friend indeed”, before breaking into what they call her signature, moronic, ill timed laughter once again. They question if the installed VP is on some undisclosed medication, perhaps Xanax or crack?
One More Time : What was that again?
This one refers to when Joey Obiden originally was standing firm on not cutting off the oil imports from Russia. Until off course, the polls showed a majority of Americans were outraged over helping Putin fund his war. Well, Joey (always of man of principle), said, on second thought we’re not going to accept anymore of Putin’s oil. Bravo Joey, Bravo. But, before Joey had made this miraculous transformation, Kalamity was asked why we were STILL buying Putin’s oil.
Again, she rose to the occasion and said, “Understanding that right now the issue of energy, our allies have stood firm and unified in a way that many of the pundits didn’t predict would happen, to ensure we are unified in our approach to this issue.” Fantastic, just fantastic……..but again, WHY are we still buying Putin’s oil?
Conservatives say her oratory skills are right up there with brain dead Brandon’s and Chardonnay Pelosi’s denture rattling diatribes. They say, she reminds people of children who have to reach a minimum word requirement on a book report: just incorporating a number of words, but not actually saying anything. While she was once just a national embarrassment, she is now on the world stage making a fool of herself and more importantly our country. Again Deano, I didn’t see any mention of this in your award winning tabloid? Must be some of that right wing propaganda you are always talking about. Just like Trump’s Russian collusion and the Steele dossier………oops, I forgot we are not supposed to talk about that anymore. Hey, old sport, did you have to return those Pulitzer’s, for those fabricated stories?
BLM and Fraudci
Is it true that “Dr.” Fraudci is now possibly holed up with BLM? Possibly at one of former BLM co-founder Patrisse Cullors numerous residences? It seems both BLM and “Dr.” Fraudci have literally disappeared. I was shocked that there was no presence to support the obviously railroaded Jussie Smollett. No riots, fires, looting……simply amazing. I wonder if President Trump were still in office, if they would be more prevalent………just wondering? Ah well, I just hope the good “Doctor” gets back in time for the midterms. We simply can’t risk voting in person. Remember, follow the science…..unless of course, the polls change.
Keep up the journalistic integrity over there at the Old Gray Lady, Deano. Your unbiased, apolitical viewpoints are legendary. I bet you are counting the days till retirement buddy, so you can head out to your highly non-diverse affluent enclave in Larchmont, California. I wonder if struggling minorities know about your multiple residences, sort of like Barack Hussein’s multiple seaside estates? Talk to you soon champ.