From: Chris Cirino
Date: March 3, 2022 at 6:55:35 AM EST
Cc: firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com
Subject: Don’t Worry, Joey Says We’re Doing Great!
Good day Deano,
You must be beaming with great pride at your desk as Executive Editor of the iconic New York Times. The reason of course, is due to the outstanding performance the other night by Joey. Boy did he knock it out of the park or what Deano? We’ll have to touch on some of the highlights. It will be tough to pick just a few though, as he has accomplished so much in such a short time. Well Deano, those on the right are picking apart Joey’s fable. As usual they are backing their claims up with facts. Why do they always have to rain on Joey’s parade!
Living in an Alternate Universe
Yep Deano, that is what the radical right says, that little Joey Talibiden is living in an alternate universe. They ask if his handlers bumped up his medication too much, because he was more delusional than usual……which I thought was impossible. They question whether it is his diminished mental acuity, or just his sociopathic personality traits listed below:
-not being able to accept responsibility (Afghanistan, southern border, rampant inflation, surge in violent crime, etc)
-always placing blame on others (Republicans, Covid, non-vaccinated people, oil companies, the meat packing industry….and of course, President Trump)
-lack of empathy (for the law abiding, taxpaying American citizens, especially those in border states)
– arrogance (silence, smiling, picking teeth, condescending comments at press conferences)
-deceitfulness (habitual lying, far too numerous to list, see his many flip flopping comments on fracking during his “Presidential” run, as a reference)
-irritability (legitimate questions from reporters, “dumb son of a b****h”), amongst others.
Well what do you know Deano, we may in fact have the best of both worlds: a man with deep rooted sociopathic behavioral traits, that are just much more prevalent and harder to conceal now, due to his declining mental state. See, win, win!
What did he Say?
Well Joey’s comments on the Ukraine almost sounded like a victory speech. It was awe inspiring when he said, “Putin may circle Kyiv with tanks, but he’ll never gain the hearts and souls of the Iranian people.” Evidently, Iranians are now living in the Ukraine, or Putin is invading the wrong country. Care to weigh in on this one Deano, as there was no mention of this in your fine tabloid.
He Mentions the Police, Border and Jobs, but not Afghanistan
Surprisingly though, Joey Bidenflation uttered words he seldom mentions…..funding of the police, and problems at the southern border. Joey says, “we have to fund the police, not defund the police.” Then before Sandy Cortez could jump to her feet he said, “fund them with training and resources they need to protect our communities.” You know, maybe more sensitivity training to talk to perpetrators in a more civil and respectable tone (a top priority) – as they are flinging someone in front of a subway train, or mowing down adults and children alike in a Christmas parade, or smashing in high end jewelry store displays; this done evidently to feed their babies according to Ms. Cortez. There was however, no mention of the ridiculous progressive revolving door of justice for serial criminals. Absurd policies of Georgie Soros sponsored District Attorney’s in crime ridden liberal cities with no bail implemented for serious crimes. Not a word.
He is now saying the problems at the border need to be addressed. Really, why so soon Joey? Yep, for the first time I can remember Joey Talibiden is acknowledging a problem at the border. No easy task for an individual possessing sociopathic personality traits, Deano. Conservatives point to the power of the polls, in regards to Joey’s change of heart. Yep, that is what a 37% approval rating will do. Remember, we didn’t hear a peep from Joey and Kalamity during the endless summer of love riots……until polls reflected poorly on their stance. Ah that Joey, murder, mayhem, destruction, looting of Local, State, and Federal property draws no condemnation. But get some bad polling numbers and he is all over it. That must be why the Pope told him he is a good Christian (according to Joey, that is), always doing the right thing. Heels Up Harris gets a pass, she was busy raising bail money for said criminals rioting.
Another issue the radical right had with our installed POTUS address, was job creation. It seems Joey was very proud of the fact that he created the most jobs in history last year. Bravo Joey. Conservatives say, what he failed to mention was that the United States was basically shut down for the year prior to that; and most of these jobs are people coming back to work. Minor details, nothing to see here, move along.
Finally, we have the omission of the Afghanistan withdrawal and deaths of 13 military personnel. Yes Deano, not a word mentioned, which I find very odd. Wasn’t it Joey himself who called the withdrawal a “extraordinary success?” Well as usual, the Minister of Propaganda, Jenny Goebbels Psaki cleared it all up. Doing her usual next day clean up duty she said, “it was a matter of time constraints, there were so many topics to cover and we simply didn’t have the time.” No time to mention 13 dead American soldiers Jenny? Absolutely disgraceful. No comment from Moe, Larry and Curly; also known as Blinken, Austin and Milley, on the matter. Liberals gave Talibiden a pass though, as it must be extremely humiliating to have the most botched military exercise attached to your name.
Problems? Don’t Worry Joey is on the Case
Conservatives say the bottom line is Joey just used some word salad, to hit on key issues concerning Americans. He never described any definitive plans, just a lot of lip service, as though he is actually concerned and addressing these issues (insert laughter). You can’t blame most Americans for not recognizing some of this issues earlier, which now is being reflected in his dismal polls. Conservatives point out how it was a concerted effort by “news” outlets such as your NY Times to give miniscule or more often, zero coverage to these issues. In conjunction with CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, NBC, WAPO, and social media darlings, Twitter and Facebook who use censorship to control opposing views……..very Facist-Nazi like, don’t you think Deano. President Trump is a racist!
What’s with Nancy?
I think it is safe to say Deano, that the biggest cheerleader by far was the even keeled Chardonnay Pelosi. She seemed star-struck on Bidenflation’s every word. But of course our Conservatives friends ……..as well as Independents and even some Democrats want to know, what time did Ole Chardonnay start her happy hour? Wow! They compared her to a teenage girl in the front row of a Beatles concert. Reportedly members had one foot towards the exit, as they were scared Chardonnay would throw her panties at Joey. I know, I know, it gives you the willies, right Deano. They point out her mystical dance and hand rubbing while Talibiden was discussing soldiers dying from inhaling toxic fumes from fire pits. It was very Charlie Mansion cult like. Perhaps, the old girl should have stopped after the 5th martini, before attending.
Many are starting to wonder Deano: where is the distinguished “Dr.” Fraudci? How are we supposed to know if we need, no mask, 1 mask, 2 masks, 1 shot, 2 shots, a booster shot, an additional booster shot, masks needed indoors and outdoors, only indoors, children are highly unsusceptible, children as young as 2 need shots and masks? What is a layman to do Deano without guidance from this medical expert?
Conservatives are pointing out, the masks, shots, social distancing, mandates (unconstitutional ones), didn’t solve the plandemic…….Putin did. This catastrophic plandemic has magically disappeared from the headlines. Ah, those darn polls again! They say Fraudci has served his purpose, just like Andy Cuomo, and he is no longer needed. But don’t count him out just yet Deano: if Lying Biden’s poll numbers keep dropping like a rock, don’t be surprised if a super variant comes into the picture over the summer.
Finally some good news on the home front. It seems the $500,000 (taxpayer funded) wall being built around Talibiden’s beach estate is near completion. Who says Joey doesn’t want to build a wall, radical right!
Ah yes, so much accomplished in only 14 short months. Just imagine where we will be in another 2 3/4 years, when our installed commander will be 82…..that should be interesting. We will still be here……….. right, Deano?
That Pesky Inflation
Let me run Deano, I’ve got to hit the bank for my home equity loan, it seems we need groceries and have to fill up the cars. Keep up the always objective and apolitical reporting over there at The Old Gray Lady. Hey Deano, I bet the Pope would call you a good Catholic too, your honesty and integrity is right up there with Joey’s.
From: Chris Cirino