by Roving Reporter, ©2022

Red River” (1:30)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our guest today wishes to be referred to as ‘the average Patriot’; isn’t that correct? So you’re called ‘AP?’”

“Right as rain, Roving, but I pronounce it ‘Jim.’”

“I see, ah, so, Jim, I see that you put on concerts and parades.”

“No more concerts, not after what happened at the Manchester Arena in 2017. No, these days I just organize parades.”

“But not much money in parades, not compared to concerts, right?”

“Well, yes, but I made my money back in the day when the Departments of Homeland Security and State didn’t import Muslims by the planeload. Nowadays you have to be brain- dead not to realize that our government isn’t our government. Why Trump didn’t kick the Muslim Brotherhood and CAIR* out of our country we’ll never know, but this I’ll tell you: Trump’s picks of Department heads, specifically Defense and AG, were huge failures.”

“I’m sorry, we’re not allowed to criticize Trump on ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”

“Well, you have to admit his choices of Attorneys General, Sessions and Barr, were pretty darn bad. He could’ve had Rudy Giuliani or Sidney Powell, so there.”

“Criticism taken. So, getting back to the parade rout, what gives?”

“What gives is a ‘Patriot Parade’ to take place on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington where everyone will be required to have a rifle and a sidearm.”

“But isn’t our nation’s capital gun-free?”

‘Ever hear of the Second Amendment? Look, sorry to run but I’ve meetings to attend to. Thanks for having me.”

“And off he goes and so will we; be right back so don’t go anywhere because Professor Zorkophsky has some observations about the Communist takeover of Australia to share with us.”

My Rifle, My Pony and Me” (2:48)

“And we’re back with Professor Zorkophsky, a guest who we’re all familiar with, the author of numerous bestselling books, specifically the armchair psychoanalyst series for the armature shrink. What is happening in Australia is of grave concern for the rest of the world, because the United Nations is using Australia as the guinea pig for us all. Isn’t that the gist of it, Professor Zorkophsky?”

“Yes, but please address me as ‘Zork’ since I feel that it makes for a more relaxing atmosphere. But the Australian experiment has a drastic flaw that is currently overlooked, so I wouldn’t trust the results; I mean, the ‘Australian Model of a Communist Takeover’ is wrong, very wrong.”

“Gee, whiz, mind telling us why you’re so adamant about how wrong they are?”

“Not at all. First, they’re using the NAZI** playbook, but even the Gestapo had enough sense to confiscate all of the guns before they went door to door, at first at 3:00 in the morning, to anytime, night or day.”

“That’s right, isn’t it?”

“There’s more to it, so listen up: the more ridiculous, the more outlandish, the more unbelievable the story is, the more the Left will use it and run with it, and before you ask, the phrase ‘run-with-it’ means to repeat, ad nauseam, from the mountaintops, radio, newspaper, billboards and on the TV 24-7.”

“You mean like the word ‘insurrection?’”

“Precisely, especially when it isn’t applied to them. You see, Chief Justice Roberts was in on the scam when he gave the Oath to Obama on the Quran in the White House, and, Roberts again with yet another insurrectionist, ‘Let’s Go Brandon.

“I know you’d like to add something.”

“Mandates are unconstitutional, are we clear on that? The Department of Labor has no legal authority to dictate what you do out of the workplace or anything to do with your health, or to put it bluntly, COVID is NOT smallpox; are we perfectly clear on that? I sure as heck hope so.”

“Go on.”

“Being ‘woke’ is another name for lawlessness. It’s just another sorry excuse why Hillary or Lois Lerner isn’t in jail. Those race-baiters, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, keep on harping about equal justice under the law, but, at the same time endorse ‘Separate and Unequal’ when it should be ‘equal for all.’“

“Time for one more.”

“Because of our overreaction to the Chinese biological weapon called COVID-19, our children are becoming dumber by the day. As if the inner-city kids in Chicago haven’t been shortchanged enough, they put even more restrictions on their education, restrictions that the Left endorses but any rational person would be totally against.”

“One more.”

“Words such as ‘disenfranchised’ and ‘racist’ have become as meaningless as ‘Russian collusion’ and ‘left no one behind in Afghanistan.’ And no mail-in voting, okay? Vote in person early but no voting late. I would like to address the words ‘stupid’ and ‘ignorant,’ if I may?”

“Go for it.”

“Stupid is seeing the facts but ignoring them; ignorant is not seeing the facts. Stupid is believing that the earth is flat but refusing to see that famous photograph called ‘Earth Rise’; ignorant is refusing to be aware of the ‘Earth Rise’ photo.”

“So the words are similar?”

“Kissin’ cousins.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“Stupidity and ignorance is the definition of the TV show called ‘The View.’

“How resilient are the American people?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll tell you this: the American people are losing their patience. We don’t want sanctuary cities and district attorneys who coddle the criminals; we don’t want anchor babies and illegal immigrants; we don’t want even one Muslim; we don’t want even one so-called Chinese student; we don’t want any piece of America owned by a foreign national; we don’t want the teachers’ union; we don’t…”

“Hold it, hold it for just a minute.”

“I’m out of here anyway. By the way, why is Liz Cheney part of the Republican Party? Thanks for having me; too-da-loo.”

“Okay, see you next time. Very good and that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse’: goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[*CAIR: Here, I’ll make it simple for you: they’re here to kill us, get it?]
[**NAZI: The Jab.]

[Little People report: in hiding.]
[FYI: Being banned from Twitter is today’s BADGE OF HONOR.]
[I’ll once again believe in the American justice system when Hillary goes to jail.]

Let’s Chase Each Other Around the Room” (2:50)

Roving Reporter

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