From: Chris Cirino
Date: September 23, 2021 at 9:40:03 AM EDT
Cc: email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, Aidan Gardiner <firstname.lastname@example.org>, email@example.com
Subject: Joey’s Beach Getaway
Good day Deano,
I hope today finds you well, over there as the Executive Editor at the NYTimes. Well it has been another banner week or so for the Harris/Biden administration. The hits just keep on coming for what is being called, possibly, the greatest installed Presidency in history. I ask, is there anything this guy Joey touches—that doesn’t turn to gold? Today we will examine the radical right perspective as they try and drag down Joey’s stellar job performance.
JOEY’S BEACH GETAWAY
So, after tackling crisis after crisis, Joey headed over to his beach house in Delaware for a well deserved long weekend. After all, it has been a good week or so since his last long weekend. It was such a joy to see Joey out biking with the radiant “Dr” Jill Biden, aka Hunter’s babysitter. It was a nice job by the press corps to zoom in on Joey, this way you couldn’t see the training wheels on his bike. They say by next summer these may come off. Bravo Joey, bravo, well done. Afterwards, I understand Joey glued some sea shells to some oak tag and the “Dr” hung it on the beach estates refrigerator. Meanwhile………..
This much deserved getaway, not to be confused with the previous weeks getaway was the result of all the pressure from all his military blunders, sorry I mean decisions.
Well nobody tells Joey what to do, I think we all know that by now, so he made some command decisions. Joey’s had the military conduct a drone air strike on a known ISIS-K operative….a direct hit with pinpoint accuracy. This of course was in retaliation (diversionary tactic ) for the loss of our 13 heroic troops killed as a result of Joey’s concise, expert, decision making…or grossly, grossly inept decision making, depending on who you’re talking to. General Woke Milley declared this a “Righteous strike,” as well as General (shoot first, ask questions later) McKenzie claiming it a “success.” News outlets such as your always apolitical NY Times we’re singing it’s praises, as retaliation for our sacrificed service members.
Here’s the rub though Deano, the drone killed 10 innocent civilians, including 7 children. It seems General Woke Milley is now calling this, “a horrible tragedy of war, it is heart wrenching.” General Kenny McKenzie, calling it a “tragic mistake.” Even Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin chimed in saying also, “it was a tragic mistake.” Old Lloyd was supposed to appear before the Senate a couple of weeks ago with that other superstar of the Harris administration Secretary of State Tony “I don’t recall” Blinkin. It seems old Lloyd had a scheduling conflict and couldn’t make it that week…..these things happen during Congressional hearings, I guess. Sources say he was immersed in one of Hunter’s art shows and was doing some heavy bidding and couldn’t get away. Democratic Senator Menendez exclaimed that he would have Lloyd subpoenaed! But alas, that never materialized, perhaps the Senator got a call from the big guy, or maybe he got involved in a bidding war with Old Lloyd over one of Hunter’s masterpieces. President Trump is a racist!
JOEY SHINES AT THE UNITED NATIONS
You know Deano, I can’t tell you the sense of pride I feel watching Joey Talibiden up at the mic wooing the general assembly. Him calling for the “relentless diplomacy,” was simply awe-inspiring. What a long way he has come since former Prime Minister Tony Blair branded Joey an imbecile. There was no mention of France or allies deserted in Afghanistan though. He also said America is back to the negotiating table…he forgot to mention that he is negotiating with the Taliban. As Jen Goebbels Psaki has stated, “the Taliban (extreme terrorist organization) is working in a very professional manner……” you know, like trying to get our U.S. citizens home, before they start to hunt them down, which is very nice of them. Maybe he should take a page out of Barack Hussein’s playbook and start sending plane loads of money over there, like old Barack did with Iran. I tried to reach out to Barack, but he is busy planning his next birthday party at the vineyard, (no mask required.)
PRESS CONFERENCE CONFUSION
Well, Joe sat down with Boris Johnson of the UK for a bit to take questions from reporters, after their stimulating exchange of ideals. After speaking, Boris asked if they could take a couple of questions to which Joey replied, “good luck.” I mean is he installed Presidential material, or what? He is just so professional and diplomatic! Boris chuckled, and then took a series of questions. Here is the confusing part Deano, it seems Joey didn’t take any questions at all, which is so very unlike him. When Boris was wrapping up his last question, Joey’s handlers started SCREAMING, “it’s over, everybody out.” Boris seemed a bit confused to this new protocol for the newly installed puppet, sorry I mean President. Little Red Lying Hood Psaki said, Boris sabotaged Joey by taking questions, as he wasn’t prepared with a list of questions and prepared answers. Silly Boris, wasn’t he briefed by Joey’s handlers, I mean staff.
May I suggest, that they start playing heavy metal music at full volume, as soon as reporters start to ask questions. You know, so there is no chance Joey will start to answer any questions what so ever. Then Joey could just pop up and run to the back door, then someone could announce Joey has left the building, just like Elvis. Maybe he could start doing his scripted remarks in sequin suits and a cape, like the King…to show his youth and virility.
I figured he was covered with the cue cards provided to him when he sat down, you know telling him who the Prime Minister was and to say hello to him, to say excuse me, if he coughed, etc, etc. I also know, someone is at the kill switch, because his feed has been cut off mid sentence numerous times lately. I stand corrected, that is when he is conducting virtual meetings………with a mask on? Ya can’t be too careful, especially if you’re on camera trying to push a narrative to instill control. Couldn’t they fly in George Stephanopoulos to ask Joey his favorite ice cream flavor or color perhaps, you know to show his competence, and put us all at ease. He used to run up airplane stairs to prove his physical agility, but that didn’t go well, resulting in him crawling up the stairs on all fours.
CONSERVATIVES ARE LOST FOR WORDS
Even with all the great accomplishments of the Harris/Talibiden administration, the radical right is beside themselves. They are saying the United States has become the laughing stock to the entire world starting with the mentally addled, installed, puppet, masquerading as the President. This includes his equally inept, missing in action VP, Kalamity Harris, whose major contribution during all of these crises is performing a coin toss at a college footbal game……what an asset! Word is her pants suit and pumps were magnificent though. Or his cabinet of incompetents, and partners in utter mayhem, Schumer, Pelosi, Pocahontas Warren, Millionaire Sanders, Et al. They also mention the propaganda machines such as your NEW YORK TIMES, Deano, as well as WAPO,MSNBC, CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, who rarely mention a bad word about this train wreck of an administration. Too busy (wink, wink), working on Russian collusion hoaxes or tax returns, to pay any attention to the humanitarian disasters in Afghanistan or the Southern border, or rampant shooting in all major cities. Remember Deano, ignore, deflect, or when in doubt, blame President Trump. You know the drill buddy!
Conservatives cannot decide if it is possible to absolutely be this incompetent, or is it just a nefarious plan to bring down the once greatest country in the world, with of course, your help there Deano. Beijing Biden was touted as a moderate Democrat. I don’t know Deano, do his policies and decision making seem to be moderate? Conservatives are calling this Barack Hussein 3.0 on steroids, and then some more steroids, very Squad like. Speaking of the Squad I just love the bartender AOC, don’t you Deano? She recently proposed to empty out prisoners from Rikers Island, no questions asked, just release them. I mean what could wrong, simply brilliant. I see a future White House candidate there.
They point to the treasonous behavior of “General” Milley and his phone calls behind a sitting Presidents back to China. You know to give them a heads up if and when the POTUS planned to use military action. I mean with that thinking, Eisenhower should have called Hitler before D-Day or perhaps MacArthur giving the heads up to the Emperor of Japan before the Iwo Jima invasion. Resign, hell they say they should conduct a court martial, for committing treason. But hey, he has Joey’s full endorsement, even if old Joe does keep calling him General Patton. But look at the bright side, he has West Point teaching CRT……….priorities Deano, priorities.
HOLIDAYS WITH THE BIDEN’S
On a positive note Joey and “Dr” Jill received an early Christmas card from the Taliban. You know for the gift of over $85,000,000,000 worth of military equipment. I hope they pass that $3,500,000,000,000 “infrastructure” Build Back Better Reconciliation Plan….c’mon man we have to outfit more terrorist organizations and countries that hate us. Let’s go Conservatives, get with the program.
As a side note, Nancy may fly in on her broom for the Christmas holidays to the Biden estate or possibly beach compound. She’ll bring the gourmet ice cream, no doubt. No masks required obviously, unless of course cameras are around. Joey said he hopes the Easter bunny shows up for Christmas, and brings him a chocolate bunny.
VACCINE MANDATE………FOR SOME THAT IS
They point out Joey’s Federal mandate (diversionary tactic for botched drone strike), that companies with 100 employee’s or more must be vaccinated. Funny though, members of Congress, their staff, Federal judges and of all people, the USPS are exempt. I mean the Post Office comes into contact with people everyday, Deano old sport. Word is he may rescind that order for postal workers on 11/9/22. Odd date but that is just Joey being Joey, always transparent and striving for unity. President Trump is a racist!
THE NEW YORK TIMES (AND THEIR JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY)
Well, as usual, I can’t thank you enough Dean Baquet for your journalistic professionalism for printing all the news that is fit to print in The NY Times. Even if Conservatives call it a propaganda machine that acts as a political arm for this Socialist administration. They have compared you many, many times to the Communist publication Pravda! They also point out that comparison is somewhat unfair, as Pravda has much more integrity than the NYTimes. Good news is you are closing in on the National Inquirer for journalistic integrity. Keep up the good work, your family must be so proud. I think the owner of the Times, A.G. Slushyberger owes you a raise for all your unbiased, apolitical oversight on your reporters. Yep, a real shining example to our children on how to conduct yourself professionally with the utmost integrity.
HUNTER IS BACK IN THE NEWS
On a side note, maybe we can talk next week about Hunter’s laptop which is back in the News. It seems liberal outlets (thankfully, not yours Deano) are NOW saying this is legitimate and needs to be investigated. It is no longer being called Russian disinformation (I love that catch phrase). I guess it must be getting close to having Cackling Kamala installed. I just hope she doesn’t have a coin toss or in depth interview on The View planned for the installation date.