Wokestan Newspeak

by Joseph DeMaio, ©2021 

(Jul. 30, 2021) — Seriously?  Attorney General Merrick (“Thank-the-Lord-and-Mitch-McConnell-he’s-not-a-Supreme-Court-Justice”) Garland and the Goofball-in-Chief, both marinating in the swamp now called Washington, District of Wokestan, have agreed with one of their minions that the “Executive Office for Immigration Review” (“EOIR”) within the Department of “Justice” [sic] can no longer refer to illegal aliens as…, illegal aliens.

Specifically, in a July 23, 2021 “Policy Memorandum” labeled “Terminology,” the Acting Director of the office, one Jean King, who answers to Garland, has articulated the hyper-woke if not outright Orwellian “Newspeak” rule that the term “illegal alien” – heretofore meaning a foreigner not lawfully present in this country – can no longer be used in EOIR decisions or by EOIR staff in both “internal and external communications.”  

Mind you, federal law – 8 U.S.C. § 1101(a)(3) – defines the term as “any person not a citizen or national of the United States.”  That impediment aside, Jean (“Newspeak”) King decrees that use of the word at EOIR is now forbidden, with only minor exceptions.

This presumably means that if an EOIR staffer blunders and uses the prohibited term, some sort of censure or disciplinary action will ensue.  Perhaps a public, verbal flogging…, or maybe a regular, garden-variety flogging in the lunchroom to serve as an example to other personnel.  Woe be unto the secretary, the janitor or even the attorney who wanders from the prescribed lexicon and utters a blasphemy on a cell phone or worse, creates a digital paper trail with an email or text containing a proscribed “pejorative.”

Sooooo…, whereas the term “alien” was once allowed (never mind the adjective modifier “illegal”), the mandated Wokestan Newspeak-approved terms, among others, are “noncitizen” and “non-U.S. citizen.”  In addition, the prior terms “undocumented alien” or “illegal alien” must now be replaced with “undocumented noncitizen,” “undocumented non-U.S. citizen” or “undocumented individual.” And those who were once an “unaccompanied alien child” must now be referred to as an “unaccompanied noncitizen child,” an “unaccompanied non-U.S. citizen child” or simply a “UC.” 

Bear in mind, of course, that the case-law decisions and federal statutes regarding these “individuals” are littered throughout with thousands of references to “aliens,” “illegal aliens” and, when referencing certain criminal aliens, “felons.” 

That’s right, Virginia, any alien who once crosses the border in violation of U.S. law (8 U.S.C. § 1325) can be fined and jailed for 6 months.  If such person crosses the border unlawfully a second time, and for every time thereafter, it is a felony subjecting the illegal alien to a fine and imprisonment for up to 2 years.  Oh, yes, and rumor has it that Senator Biden voted for that law before becoming the Goofball at 1600.  No matter: like so many other things – including his train of thought – he’s likely completely forgotten about it.  And even if reminded of it, he doesn’t care.  But rest assured, he will always remember dressing down Corn Pop!

Fear not, faithful P&E readers, the Policy Memo addresses the pesky issue of laws using the term “alien” thusly: “The only exception to the change in terminology outlined below [in a chart embedded in the memo] is when quoting a statute, regulation, legal opinion, court order, or settlement agreement.”  The memo also declares that it “does not require replacement of, or result in invalidation of, existing regulations, decisions, policy memoranda, or forms.” (Emphasis added) 

Thus, EOIR Form I-589 relating to applications for amnesty and blocking of removals, which uses the term “alien” eight (8) times and the term “A-number,” an abbreviation for the alien number assigned, ten (10) times, can remain unchanged.  Similarly, the EOIR Form 33-BIA change of alien’s address form uses the term “alien” four (4) times.  More examples exist, but the point is clear: EOIR forms can still use prohibited words, but EOIR personnel cannot.  Yet another example of the portmanteau “stupocrisy”: the blending of woke “stupidity” with the mother’s milk of leftists, “hypocrisy.”

Interestingly, King’s proclamation is based on the Goofball’s Feb. 2, 2021 Executive Order 14012 entitled “Restoring Faith in Our Legal Immigration Systems and Strengthening Integration and Inclusion Efforts for New Americans.”  Say what…, “New Americans?”  Illegal aliens by the hundreds and sometimes thousands, many wheezing and coughing through their pandemic and other afflictions, unlawfully – which is to say… “illegally” – cross over the nation’s southern border daily, and the Goof still has the huevos to call them “New Americans?” 

Adding insult to injury, the Goofball welcomes them with open arms, disperses them throughout the nation free of charge while seeking ways to shower them with undeserved benefits bankrolled by true Americans decimated by current federal policies, all the while knowing full well that the vast majority of them will never appear again for their “amnesty” hearings.  As long as they get state driver’s licenses and are automatically registered to vote under “motor-voter” laws, that is all that matters.  Stupocrisy on steroids.

Moreover, under EO 14012, the Goof has directed the Secretary of State, the Attorney General and the Secretary of Homeland Security to “identify barriers that impede access to immigration benefits, and fair, efficient adjudications of these benefits…” and submit plans to “substantially reduce current naturalization processing times….” 

But the cherry on top is the Goofball’s creation from whole cloth of something called the “Interagency Working Group on Promoting Naturalization” which would include the proposing of a “strategy… outlining steps the Federal Government should take to promote naturalization, including the potential development of a public awareness campaign.”  Perhaps such a “public awareness campaign” could be orchestrated through leftist PR operatives like Fusion GPS, which succeeded in peddling the Clinton “Trump colluded with Putin” false narrative.

Really?  Each hour of every day, week and month, the Goof proudly and brazenly violates his oath of office to “take care that the laws be faithfully executed,” as mandated – not “suggested” – by Art. 2, § 3 of the Constitution.  And yet he has the gall to sign an executive order – the contents of which he likely has not the foggiest glimmer of an understanding – calling these illegal aliens “New Americans.”  Memo to the Goofball and his marionette-string commanders: the “laws” to which that directive in the Constitution refers include 8 U.S.C. § 1325. 

Unquestionably, this constitutes an impeachable offense.  But with the Wretch from San Crapcisco preoccupied and obsessed with fining and arresting members of the House if they are caught by her Capitol Police hall monitors not wearing a useless face diaper, the likelihood of her waddling a true bill of impeachment over to the Senate anytime soon would seem to be… remote.  Pelosi’s juvenile and fantasy-based masking antics remind one again of the high school Q and A: Q: why does a dog lick itself?  A: because it can.

Let us cut to the chase here: the Goof is doing everything his marionette masters are dictating to facilitate, expedite and propagandize the conversion of millions of illegal aliens into U.S. citizens before the 2022 election.  That election, of course, will not only be a referendum on the first half of his first term (if he lasts in office that long), but also will likely herald the end of the reign of the worst Speaker of the House in the history of the Republic. 

At least the Goof is going through the charade of a process to expedite naturalization: the Gray Trollop sees no need for that and now advocates the immediate lifting of state and federal restrictions on the right to vote by non-citizens.  No time to waste.  November 2022 is but 16 months away. 

When the SUC (Second Usurper-in-Chief, Barack Hussein Obama, Jr.) said his goal was to fundamentally transform America, he was not kidding.  And it appears that he remains on task via a Goof as to whom he has warned: “Don’t underestimate Joe’s ability to [f#@!] things up.”  True.  So true.

Finally, returning to text and the “terminology” protocols of the Newspeak diktats now infecting the EOIR in the District of Wokestan, the current Acting Director of the office – Jean King – has a major problem.  Specifically, she must either resign by sundown or be fired at dawn. 

Specifically, the Newspeak rules metastasizing in the District cannot…, must not…, recognize or allow a person whose surname screams of misogynistic, masculine royalty preside over or supervise other federal employees, particularly female employees.  Oh, the horror…, the humanity…, the hypocrisy. 

If ever a word existed in the English language to be more loathed and despised than the word “king” under Wokestan Newspeak, it has not yet been revealed to your humble servant.  The only principled alternative to resignation or dismissal would be for Ms. King to petition an Article III judicial court for a name change. 

Stated otherwise: off with her surname!  Wait…, my bad: “surname” sounds like a word utilizing another forbidden term, “sir,” so she – or is her preferred pronoun “xe” – should change her “last” name.  That’s better…, no?