Protecting Joey

by Chris Cirino, ©2021

(May 31, 2021) — I am here to address the accusations being hurled by the Radical Right against the man currently occupying the White House, Joey Biden. 

For most of the five-or-so months since his election, I have been sending almost daily e-mails to a number of employees at that bastion of unbiased reporting, The New York Times. They include the Executive Editor, Dean Baquet, journalist/news assistant, Aidan Gardiner, and a number of low-to-mid-level customer-service people. 

On mostly a daily basis, I have been expressing my outrage to them regarding the egregiously biased rightwing propaganda that is being hawked to the public. While I can’t describe every grievance I express to them, here are some of the key issues.

THE BORDER

Call it a catastrophe, a crisis, a challenge, an inconvenience, it all gets so confusing. The Right calls it a catastrophe. Joey calls it a crisis. Joey’s Press Secretary Jen Psaki corrected Joey and called it a challenge. She said that he misspoke, which she has said quite often since she took the thankless role of interpreting, translating, generally figuring out what ole Joey actually said…or actually meant.

Personally, I call the border issue an inconvenience since I believe that Conservatives are blowing the entire issue way out of proportion. 

First, if this were really a newsworthy issue, then the Harris administration would lift the ban on news agencies and cameras it has imposed on any seekers of information. You know, the way it was during President Trump’s administration. 

Second, do you really think for a minute that if thousands of illegal aliens pouring over our southern border––perhaps hundreds or even thousands of them Covid-positive––was an important issue, that border Czar Kamala would not be down there 24/7, stopping the massive flow of Fentanyl destined to kill our children? Not to mention, criminal cartels with murder on their minds. 

Does anyone really think she would have time to jet to Chicago and visit bakeries or Atlanta to do those sincerely heartfelt interviews with CNN? Not a chance. She would be on our southern border front and center, like she was during the Trump Administration, being oh-so-critical of the children condemned to the cages that Obama instituted! Now, according to Ms. Border Czar, they are “holding facilities.” Anyway, President Trump is a racist. 

Joey sure tapped the right one to head up that project. She is cool under pressure, with that lilting innocent schoolgirl laughter––more than a dozen people have told me it resembles the neurological condition known as Tourette’s Syndrome. 

She also makes quite the fashion statement––those stiletto heels are the talk of the town. Of course the Right calls her grossly incompetent and overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the job and loathes  to take on any assignment dictated by Joey’s disastrous Executive Orders. But the Left, applauds.

I’m just glad that she and Joey were able to patch things up after the Democratic primary––you know, where she strongly insinuated he was a racist  and sexual predator. But that’s just Joey’s style. Let bygones be bygones, unless of course you are Rudy Giuliani that is.

PRIORITIES

Next the right attacked Joey as just a puppet for the socialist-left faction of his party, pointing to the Covid and Infrastructure bills as Democratic “wish lists.” Joey has already pointed out that at least 9 percent of the Covid bill and 25 percent of the infrastructure bills are going towards Covid and infrastructure. What are these unhinged Conservatives yelling about? Don’t they understand that studies about gender, daycare, homecare, climate change, affordable housing, child tax credits, museum restorations, et al, fall under these bills? They even knocked Nancy Pelosi’s underground bullet train project out of the Covid bill. What do these people want?

The right is claiming that our country has become a laughing stock due to this administration. Recently, Joey called Putin a killer during one of his grueling in-depth interviews with George Stephanopoulos. Man that guy is one tough interviewer, he really held Joey’s feet to the fire with his line of questioning. I just wish they would show Joey some courtesy and ask him some easier questions. You know, the way they treated President Trump. 

Well, back to Putin. The word is the Russian leader wanted to race Ole Joe up the stairs or, alternatively, do a live debate with him, but Joey was too busy with his non-stop schedule and heading up the Covid crisis and so had to decline. But Putin better watch his step…he certainly doesn’t want Joey taking him behind the gym and beating the hell out of him! 

Of course the right is saying this isn’t the reason at all that Joey declined Putin’s challenges. They point out that due to Joey’s limited cognitive ability, he can only do limited and very-scripted events.  Let’s not forget his cheat sheet with pictures of reporters, who he shouldn’t call upon.  They point out that his only press conferences involve him wearing an earpiece that some functionary speaks into, literally dictating what he says, as well as a Teleprompter with hugely enlarged words for him to read. But they didn’t count on him saying, “Salute Marine” when he passed by a uniformed serviceman on inauguration day. And President Trump is a racist!

We even heard Joey saying to himself: “I’m gonna be in a lot of trouble for answering questions.” I mean who does Joey answer to? The right speculates it is “Dr.” Jill, Kamala, Nancy, Chuck, Susan Rice, or even Barack.  Who can forget him saying: “Don’t underestimate Joe’s ability to **** things up.” Seemed like a strange thing to say about your VP, but he was probably kidding,…. probably.

A PROBLEM WITH THE TRUTH

The onslaught against this man’s impeccable record never stops with the radical right. Here are just a few bits of their slanderous propaganda, or, as they call it, “Joe’s lies”:

Joe said he graduated law school at the top half of his class, and has three undergraduate degrees. The right says he graduated near the bottom of his class and graduated with two degrees, not three. And he was also caught cheating on school exams.

The right––as well as The Washington Post––claims that he plagiarized a paper in his first year of law school. Actually, Joey acknowledged this misdeed, and it was also the reason he had to drop out of the 1988 Presidential campaign. I mean, C’mon man, who hasn’t plagiarized or cheated to get through college and law school?

During the 2019 debate, Joe set the record straight when he said: “We don’t lock people in cages. We didn’t separate families. We didn’t do all those things….they did.”  So, there radical right––take that! No, we better scratch that one too. That picture the media were showing to accuse President Trump of caging children was taken in 2014, under Joey and Barack’s administration.

In a 2019 interview, when talking about the Iraq War, Joe said: “From the moment it started, I came out against the war.” Maybe we should skip this one too, as Joey voted wholeheartedly for the resolution to go to war.

Joe said there was no vaccine for Covid until he took office. Surprisingly though, Joey got his shots in December of 2020 and he didn’t take office until January 20, 2021. Hmmm.

Joe’s is outraged about the new Georgia voting laws, which he sees as racist. Referring to them as Jim Crow 2.0 or Jim Eagle 2.0….not too sure what he meant by this last one. He said it was wrong that people could not give out food and drinks while waiting on voting lines and claimed that was discrimination against minorities. That’s why whenever I vote, I stop for a hero or soda and then get in line, priorities!  It was a problem when The Washington Post gave Joey 4 Pinocchios for blatantly lying about the new voting requirements. But then WAPO said it would suspend fact checking on Joey after his first 100 days. Same as they did for President Trump, right?

MEDIA MUSH

A vast majority of media outlets––print, TV, radio, Internet––give either none or minuscule coverage to these undeniable facts about Joey. This is a form of ghosting. Of course, another example is the lack of coverage given to Andy Cuomo and the witch hunt conducted of the NY Governor by the radical right. 

Over 15,000 senior deaths, delaying the release of said information for months, a cover-up by his staff members, as well as nine or 10 or more accusations of sexual harassment or assault. Obviously these accusations can’t be true, as I haven’t heard a word from the #metoo movement about it in all these months.  Not to mention priority covid testing for family and friends.  As well as accusations of using government employees to work on his fictional book , on leadership during the pandemic.

But I digress. This neglect by the media is truly a perfect strategy for Joey and Andy alike. These outlets should be proud of the example they are setting for the children of this country and the world, quite frankly. Kudos to them for their unbiased, objective, non-political reporting. This rings especially true for The New York Times and CNN. 

In fact, many of these outlets have been praising the efforts of the Harris administration. Well, maybe not the border so much. But like I said earlier, even the border can’t be all that bad since there is hardly any coverage of it. Why feed into this propaganda narrative by the radical right. These right-wing news outlets just scream of hypocrisy and selective reporting. Just sickening. 

I would love to write more but there is a breaking story coming over the wire. It seems they have identified the second shooter in the Kennedy assassination on the grassy knoll. Unbelievably, it was President Trump. It never ends with this guy.

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Chris Cirino, 59, is a retired New York City fireman who has taken to satire to address the problems he sees in politics and government. Perhaps in a glimpse of things to come, he was named “class wit” in his Catholic elementary graduating class of 1975. Prior to joining the NYFD, he worked for Local Union #25 IBEW.