by Roving Reporter, ©2021

(Apr. 28, 2021) — “Magic Carpet Ride” (2:34)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ’The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Hello, I’m your Roving Reporter (RR), broadcasting for the last time from the streets of Atlanta at three o’clock in the morning. We’ll keep our current studio, but our editor wants us to hit the road and get those human-interest stories that we all enjoy so much. Meanwhile, as long as we’re out on the sidewalk in front of the studio, we might as well waylay someone. Oh, look, here comes a street sweeper; what do you say we get his attention and stop him?”

“What do you think you’re doing, stopping a street sweeper? Is this a holdup or something? I don’t have any money: I’m married.”

“No, nothing like that. I’m Roving for ‘Pulse,’ the popular information show, just to ask you a few questions if you’ve got the time.”

“What are you, a comedian or something? I work for the city, for cryin’ out loud; my whole job is a perpetual break. Of course I got the time.”

“Then who steers this machine?”

“Here’s a news flash for you: it steers itself. Ever wonder where those self-driving machines were tested, and all that software? You’re looking at it.”

“No way.”

“Yes way. Here, let me show you. This big box in the back is really an RV camper with all the amenities: kitchen, full bath with whirlpool, couch that makes into a bed, big-screen TV.”

“Well, I’ll be darned.”

“Pretty neat; just don’t tell anyone. The only reason I saw you was to stop and walk my dog at the park up ahead.”

“And I thought I’ve seen it all. Mind if I ask you a few questions?”

“Not at all, as long as it doesn’t have anything to do with politics.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because no one gets it, or so few get it to not make any difference.”

“How do you mean?”

“Look, the Deep State, the Commies, have 70-some years invested in taking over our country, so what makes you think they’re going to hand it all back just because the election was proven to be a fraud?”

“Never gave it much thought.”

“The only thing they understand is violence; that’s the whole nine yards, that and money. Heck, they control the cops, the cops who all took the Oath to uphold the Constitution. Let me ask you a question.”

“Ask away.”

“Portland, Oregon.”

“Okay. What of it?”

“Chicago, Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York City. Those cops all took the Oath to uphold the Constitution, and look what the people got for it: riots, looting, arson, right there on TV. That’s right, and the cops just standing around watching their city burn. We all watched while the nitwit mayor of Baltimore told the bums to vent, or some such stupid statement. You know it says in the Bible ‘Thou shalt not steal’? I guess the bums didn’t read that part.”

“Protest” in Portland, OR July 22, 2020 (Wikimedia Commons, cc by 2.0

“Not if they drank the Kool-Aid dished out by the Deep State: Affirmative Action; the University of Michigan; the Fake News; The View; Rachel Maddow.”

“I was beginning to worry about you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to take Fluffy for a walk. Nice to have talked to you, Roving.”

“Likewise; bye. Let’s take a commercial break.”

Expressway to Your Heart” (2:21)

“With the things I’ve learned doing this show, I could write a book. The streets are pretty empty; what do you say we buzz out to the airport? That’ll require another commercial. Look, for those of you who aren’t familiar with how we operate, you can’t really expect us to play the real commercial and not get paid for it, so Molly, our secretary, substitutes songs that she picks out to fill in the time, okay?”

Time of the Season” (3:33)

“And we’re back, but this time here at the airport? Pardon me? Move along? Why, officer, we just got here. Look, I’m Roving, of ‘Pulse’ fame, and all we want to do is interview someone. How about you? You’re not doing much; there’s no big crowd, is there?”

“No loitering.”

“How can we be loitering if we’re working?”

“Well, move along.”

“You know, I worked at an airport once – West Palm Beach. This was a couple of years before 9-11. The security was a joke because the guy in charge, some Air Force Colonel, was a joke. I took it seriously, but no one else did. The caliber of people working there was at the bottom of the barrel: education, zero; brains, zero; work ethic, zero; honesty, zero. I got out of there.”

“Oaky, okay: I get it. Go ahead with your interview.”

“What do you do here?”

“Not much. You see, the whole point of being a police officer is to follow the orders of the mayor and get home safe every night. Now, don’t get me wrong; there are some great dedicated men and women wearing the blue, but not me. I’m not sticking my neck out for nobody.”

“How long have you been on the force?”

“Fifteen years, and if I can stay here at the airport, on the night shift, I’ll make it to twenty and then I’m out.”

“You picking up any money on the side? You know, drugs?”

“Why, sure enough, be a fool not to have your hand out and your mouth shut. If I don’t do it someone else will, is how I figure it.”

“You probably figure it right. You get flights from all over the world here, don’t you? Europe, Asia, South America, all over.”

“That’s true, but I make the most money on arrivals from Chicago and Los Angeles. Los Angeles welcomes the Chinese while Chicago welcomes the rest of the world, although New York is still the heroin capitol.”

“So you’re the drug expert?”

“Have to be on your toes; why, they could sneak in a hundred pounds of coke and wouldn’t pay me a dime if they thought they could get away with it, the crooks. This is my curb: nothing crosses it without my cut. Now I’m not greedy; all I want is an honest payoff.”

“Well, I must say, it’s refreshing to meet such an upstanding and honest cop these days. What about the illegal immigrants?”

“A paperwork nightmare that I don’t want any part of, so I ignore them. We have a special taxi stand for those people, drivers who speak Spanish. There are very few cabbies that speak English, here in Atlanta, you know.”

“Where are you going to retire to?”

“East Coast cops retire in the Fort Lauderdale area; all us others go to Naples or St. Pete.”

“House or condo?”

“Have a house now so it’ll be a condo. I like neighbors who keep their mouths shut. You don’t have a high regard for cops, do you?”

NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio

“On the contrary, I have an immense appreciation of those who stand in the way of complete anarchy, but that difference is disappearing pretty darn fast, especially since the illegals know they can commit atrocities here and all that happens to them is they get sent back home – travel expense – only to come back and do it all over again. It seems to me that the good cops are the ones that are getting out now, before it gets any worse, before mayors like Bill de Blasio and his wife get any more disjointed.”

“Well, you’re probably right about that. Look, a plane from Chicago is about to arrive so I have to make sure everything goes smoothly. Nice to have talked with you.”

“You, too.”

“I’d like to say one more thing, if I may?”

“By all means.”

‘We had a lot of illegal votes here in Georgia, and I just want to say that the Mob, Syndicate, Cartel – call it what you will – does not like change, and this Socialism is too much change, and Trump is too much, too. I don’t know what the answer is; even though the Deep State lost the election, but because the Supreme Court, the Pentagon and, most notably, Vice President Pence, accepted the illegal votes as legal, well, bottom line, Biden is the head of the government of the United States, although he should not be.”

“That is very true.”

“And because they took over the government by deception, cheating and fraud, with lots and lots of hands in the cookie jar, they’re not going to just walk away from it, are they?”

“I wouldn’t think so.”

“Look, all I’m saying is that they’re going to fight to keep the power, and not just with words, but with bullets as well, which is what the BLM and ANTIFA are for: the Shock Troops. Violence: it’s the only thing they understand.”

“Thanks for the warning. And now it’s time for me to wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Great show. Burger time: my treat.”

Love Can Make You Happy” (3:21)

Roving Reporter

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