WHO FUNDS THE “GOVERNMENT TREE?”
by OPOVV, ©2020
(Jun. 8, 2020) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. And here we are, back on our corner, under the awning across the street from the railroad station looking to ambush anybody for an impromptu street interview.”
“Now?”
“My name is Roving, as in Roving Reporter (RR), and I am the host of this award winning show.”
“Now?”
“Oh, what a surprise; will you look: our first interviewee of the day.”
“My name is Fred and I’m a county employee, Parks Department. Did I say that right? It was just like we rehearsed, wasn’t it?”
“Fred, here, is a comedian, asking ‘now’ and making jokes about rehearsing. So, you’re a county employee?”
“I’m not a comedian, although I’ve heard my wife tell my mother-in-law that she married a joke. Does that count?”
“Yes, Fred, I’m afraid it does. So, this your train? See you around.”
“It could be my train but whoever gets to the time clock – the place where we punch-in – first does all the cards so no one is ever late, so there’s no hurry.”
“I think there is, Fred, so run along and pretend that you’re paying yourself to put in a full day’s work.”
“I don’t work a full day in a week. No, I want to stick around and be interviewed, just as we practiced.”
“I’m sorry, but we have to break for a commercial now.”
“One Love” (5:29)
“And we’re back. Fred had to leave. And who are you?”
“My name is Roberta and I used to watch you on TV, but now I read the transcripts in The P&E. The show isn’t nearly as funny when you read it; did you know that?”
“Not a clue. Let me ask you your take on this BLM farce.”
“What it is: the sub-standard public/government education system is coming back to bite us, is what is happening.”
“How so?”
“They hear all their lives that it’s not their fault they can’t speak proper English, so they can’t compete for the economic advantages this country has to offer unless, of course, they just deal with like-educated people. So they end up talking the language of the drug-hip-hop culture where envy is a shared emotional trait that they enjoy in ‘group wallowing.’”
“Did you say ‘group wallow’? What does that mean? Wait; let’s throw in this short commercial.”
“Bach – Minuet in G Major” (1:40)
“Listen to Morning Joe or CNN, any mainstream media, and that’s what they hear all day long, words like disenfranchised and reparations. And they’re told that they can’t make it in life unless they pay more taxes so they get more Welfare.”
“But they don’t pay taxes, I mean, if they’re on Welfare.”
“And that’s one of the words the disenfranchised don’t quite comprehend, the word ‘taxes’; they think taxes is ‘government money,’ as if it grows on some government tree that’s to be found somewhere in Washington, DC.”
“What do they think this money tree looks like?”
“Picture Dr. Seuss‘s impression of a money tree and you’ll get the picture. And here’s my train. Bye.”
“And there she goes. Let’s break for a commercial.”
“Love Is Here To Stay” (2:46)
“Excuse me, mind having a quick interview? Roving here for ‘Pulse.’”
“Oh, so you’re that Roving guy? Not much of a TV camera, is it? And what’s that squirrel doing above my head*?”
“It’s flying; it’s a Flying Squirrel.”
“A squirrel with wings?”
“Yes, a feathered tree rat.”
“Oh, so you’re one of those.”
“That’s right so don’t mention ‘The War’ and ‘Vietnam’ and that the smell in the city was exhaust fumes whereas the smell in the country was barnyard, to put it politely.”
“You call yourself polite?”
“My ex-wife’s parents thought I was polite, and I was: I never told them their daughter was an adulteress.”
“I bet you wanted to, didn’t you?”
“You bet. So, what’s your take on this BLM movement?”
“May I speak plainly?”
“Go for it.”
“Think ‘Edsel‘.”
“The car?”
“The failed car.”
“Well, the car was okay but the marketing sure as heck failed.”
“Just like BLM: guess what? ALL lives matter, an idea that they can’t seem to grasp; Mahatma Gandhi could, so could Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.”
“But they can’t? Why do you think that is?”
“Because if they share they won’t be able to ‘group wallow,’ a time-out that they all enjoy so much.”
“A ‘time-out’?”
“For self-pity: woe to those who fail to blame ‘the system,’ ‘the Man,’ and their own laziness to take advantage of all the good books our public library system has to offer. Not all, mind you. I could go on but this is my train. Bye.”
“Thanks for talking with us. And that’ll do it for us and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*above my head: actually it’s the furry microphone windscreen cover.]
“Loch Lomond” (1:59)