“MAKES YOU WONDER”
by OPOVV, ©2020
(Feb. 3, 2020) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to a corner on the planet, across the street from a train station, to find out what’s bugging our neighbors. Hello, my name is Roving, your favorite and beloved reporter on the go, suffering inclement weather for your viewing pleasure, reminiscent of a reporter hanging on to a palm tree in the middle of a hurricane where, whether we admit it or not, we’re waiting in anticipation for some object to hit him or her, right there on camera for, you guessed it, bragging rights: ‘Did you see that?’ Now it’s time we get to work and interview this gentleman who is going — where are you going?”
“I’m going to have breakfast, is where I’m going. My wife said she wanted to try something new, so I hightailed it down here to have some good food.”
“You don’t like your wife’s cooking?”
“I’ll just say one thing and let you decide: my wife’s idea of a gourmet meal is a stick of melted butter, add a teaspoon of salt and serve over cold asparagus.”
“Does she have a non-gourmet menu?”
“Undercooked eggs garnished with a stick of melted butter and a teaspoon of salt.”
“Stick around and join us for burgers at the end of the show: my treat. Let’s break for these important messages.”
“Jambalaya” (2:06)
“Excuse me, Roving; pick me.”
“Okay; you want to say ‘Hi, Mom’ or something?”
“No, but I do want to thank you on you ‘elder’ series.”
“Well, thank you. You got something to say about how the elderly are treated or something?”
“Well, yes, I do. My mother just passed last August, and your series got me to thinking that I never got my mother’s purse, wallet and credit cards. I mean, no matter how prepared you think you are, you’re not. So what happens to them, I mean, the credit cards and all the other stuff she kept close to her?”
“Your guess is as good as mine, but those items definitely should have been returned to you; that much is clear. As her daughter, you’re at the head of the line for everything, unless it states differently in the will; did it?”
“The will stated that a sister got the jewelry, but that was all it said.”
“Nothing about the credit cards or bank accounts?”
“No.”
“Did you go to the police?”
“Yes, I did, but they said they couldn’t do anything.”
“Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?”
“And none of it’s good, even if it’s just plain laziness.”
“This your train? Bye. Let’s break for a commercial.”
“Caledonia” (4:17)
“Excuse me, Miss, care to be interviewed on live TV?”
“You’re that Trump-lover, aren’t you? I don’t think so. You know that Obama was the greatest president this country ever had?”
“If you’re referring to the most people a president forced to collect Food Stamps, then I agree with you; if you’re referring to a president who hated Israel the most, then I agree with you; and if you’re referring to a de facto president who hated the USA and loved Iran, then you hit the nail on the head.”
“See what I mean?”
“I’m sorry, but when a commercial I don’t like pops up, I vote by changing the channel, which is what we’re doing right now.”
“Easy” (4:13)
“My producer just informed me that I was rude to the Obot; too bad: they can dish it out with no problem but they sure as heck can’t take it. Excuse me, sir, care to be interviewed on live TV?”
“Sure thing, Sonny Boy; not doing much today anyway, so what you got for me?”
“What’s your name and what’s bugging you these days?”
“My name is Pat and what bugs me is the Nashville police put the wrong guy in jail* and they even had his fingerprints: it seems the holidays got in the way and the police couldn’t be bothered with giving a hoot. And another thing: I’ve been hearing stories about corruption in the assisted living sector of our economy, and the more I talk to my friends, it seems many of them have a story to tell, usually about theft. You know what I think?”
“Not yet.”
“I think that there is just as much of a correlation between the NRC (Nuclear Regulatory Commission) and the nuclear power industry as there is between the assisted living industry and the state government overseers, including the police who have been warned off; that’s what I think. Oh, I don’t mean in actual written instructions, but rather in the guise of status quo behavior, if you get what I mean.”
“We get exactly what you mean. Matter-of-fact, we have a private detective snooping around who has the ability to sniff out corruption pretty good, so as soon as we get his report we’ll broadcast it, along with dates and names.”
“I like that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m on my way to the Art Institute to admire some of Renoir’s paintings. See you around, Roving.”
“Have a good one, Pat. And that’ll do it for now and so, on behalf of the crew and, pardon me, but what is your name? Sam? Then the crew and Sam and I will be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*Police put the wrong guy in jail: used to be, the vast majority of our police were military veterans, people who took the Oath to the Constitution and were taught not to follow illegal orders, like from some stupid and dangerous mayor, like in any of our “sanctuary cities.” One can’t but help wonder if any of the police who had a hand in not giving a hoot in this matter were veterans or, for that matter, voted for Trump.]
“Wagon Wheel” (5:46)