AND ALTERNATIVES TO THE NFL
by OPOVV, ©2020
(Jan. 20, 2020) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the show that if you hear it here you don’t need to hear it anywhere else. I’m your Roving Reporter (RR), broadcasting from a sports bar in a downtown big city. The place is busy and all the TV’s are showing a soccer match between something United and some City. Excuse me, but how come you’re not watching an NFL playoff game?”
“Oh, look, everyone, it’s Roving from ‘Pulse.’ Welcome to our neck of the woods, Roving. We’re not your posh suburbanites but we know what’s going on just the same. This is my better half, Mary; I’m George. Mary, tell Roving why we’re not watching football anymore.”
“Because we’re patriots, that’s why. The last time anyone in this bar watched an NFL game was the day Kaepernick kneeled.”
“That’s right, and that sissy Rodger Goodell didn’t stand up for our flag, country and military but the owners did. Well, if they put profit before country then the heck with them. I haven’t watched the NFL in years and don’t miss it one bit.”
“And what about you?”
“Am I on TV?”
“That you are.”
“I feel the same way; all of us do. And the owner of this sports bar feels the same. We used to go to another sports bar but they had NFL games, so we figure if they don’t care; if they are willing to sell beer to a bunch of low-life dummies, well, I don’t want to spend my time with people I despise and I can’t say it any plainer than that.”
“You said it very well.”
“Hi, Roving and crew. Watch you on TV. So, what are you doing, slumming?”
“Not at all; just too darn cold to be standing on a corner; besides, no one would stop anyway, especially not with this wind. So no NFL for you, either?”
“Watch college football and we’re learning the rules of soccer. See that dude over there, the one with the turtleneck sweater? He’s from England and if you’ve any questions about the rules of the game, wait; he’s speaking.”
“That was a red card foul, which means that he got caught playing dirty; he might’ve injured the bloke. That’s right, ejected from the game. Off the field into the locker room; he’s not even allowed to come back to the stands.”
“See what I mean? I know the owner who says he pays him in drinks to tutor us and as long as he stays halfway coherent, he’s served.”
“So none of you will be watching the Super Bowl?”
“Excuse me, Roving, I’m Jim, the owner of this nice neighborhood establishment, but would you be so kind to leave and take your crew with you? I’m a veteran and many of my customers are, too, so we feel pretty strongly about the flag and paying respect to our National Anthem. You were told of our feelings when you first walked in, very plain and understood-like, but maybe you didn’t get the message: we don’t like that Kaepernick loser. In any other country he would’ve been, well, it would be nice if you would leave.”
“No problem; sorry for the misunderstanding on your part. You see, we support what you stand for; none of us has watched an NFL game for years and never plan to see one more commercial or one more game for the rest of our lives.”
“Oh, well, if you put it that way. Should we let Roving and crew stay? I’m leaving it up to you.”
“Well, I guess you’re staying after all. Come up to the bar and I’ll serve you myself; on the house.”
“Thanks. Let’s take a quick commercial break.”
“Like My Dog” (2:53)
“Now, George, you mind telling us what you do for a living?”
“Not at all.”
“Tell him, George.”
“Don’t be shy.”
“Okay, okay: I work for the county and just won the ‘Most Wins’ prize of the month.”
Sounds of cheers and clapping.
“Congratulations. What’s that all about?”
“You never heard of it? Why, it’s the most wins playing solitaire, that’s what. Usually it’s the driver’s license or parks people that take home the prize, but this time a county employee of the airport won.”
“What do you do at the airport?”
“Not much.”
“I gathered that. No, really, what is your job title?”
“My job title is ‘custodian,’ but I think I just changed to ‘Champ.’”
Sounds of ‘Hip-hip-hooray!’ are heard.
“And look, they just lifted George on some shoulders and are parading him around the bar while the customers, some pretty far gone, are cheering. ”
Look out for the fans!
“And that’ll do it for us, broadcasting from a sports bar in the city, a city of people who care and aren’t afraid to show it. I didn’t ask, but I don’t believe there’s a socialist in the crowd. And so, on behalf of the crew, this is your Roving Reporter, wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Flowers on the Wall” (2:21)