When is a Traitor Treated Like One? (RR)


by OPOVV, ©2020

Image:  Wikipedia, public domain

(Jan. 7, 2020) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to our little corner on our planet where we ambush commuters on their way to the big city and ask them what’s on their minds. You’re watching ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the ever-popular show where we try and find out what’s bugging our neighbors, and here comes one now. Excuse me, sir, mind answering a few questions? Roving here for ‘Pulse.’”

“Heard you got cancelled.”

“Only from satellite. We’re on cable now.”

“Don’t have cable; have satellite. Used to watch you with my dog.  My train will be here any minute.”

“Certainly you’ve time for one question?”

“No, I don’t think so; it would be like taking a multiple-choice test. Like you ask me how I’m doing: ‘A’ for fine; ‘B’ for not so fine. Well, I’m fine but my bank account has the flu, and if I didn’t know any better I’d say it was on its last legs. And then there’s the car’s check-engine light, so if you asked the car how it’s doing it might say the tires are new but it’s got the flu and maybe it’s on its last legs, too. Look, I’m really depressed; maybe I’ll go home and do what the English do: go have myself a lie-down. Bye.”

“Bye. And off he goes, the other way; too bad. Oh, wait. You’re back.”

“I’d just like to say they used to execute arsonists, remember? If someone died in a fire that was set deliberately, then the arsonist was charged with first-degree murder, and that’s all I wanted to say.”

“What brought that on?”

“Those fires in Australia, that’s what. Imagine killing all those cute little koala bears and all the millions of other living things? Trouble is, there are just too many stupid people that we allow to breed like rats, and I’m not going to say another word. It’s obvious who I’m talking about and if it isn’t, it certainly isn’t my fault.”

“And off he goes, again. I say it’s time for a break.”

By the Time I Get to Phoenix” (2:40)

Photo: Wikipedia, public domain

“And we’re back with Connie who said something about John Kerry being a traitor way back in 1971. Would you care to repeat what you just told me?”

“No way. First, you can’t say those words on television and second, if my mother heard me she’d wash my mouth out with soap. I’ll say that once upon a time we used to shoot traitors, didn’t we?”

“Used to.”

“Look, I know that the FBI is a worthless organization, but when someone threatens the president aren’t they supposed to be arrested and thrown in jail?”

“Maybe the Secret Service ought to take over, or the US Marshals’ Service.”

“Remember Kathy Griffin holding Trump’s head? How come she’s not locked up? Or Robert De Nero: how come he’s not in a cage for saying the things about Trump that make me ashamed to be an American — I mean, by allowing people to say stuff against our president and get away with it?”

“Well, we used to, and just a few years ago, if Kathy Griffin had held up Obama’s head they would have arrested her in a New York minute; goes for all the other Hollywood nuts, too.”

“Well, I don’t like it. And look at that mental wacko Pelosi; give me a break. She’s lost her mind, hasn’t she? I visited San Francisco years ago and it was totally beautiful; I wouldn’t go there now and this is supposed to be the United States? Just look what they’ve done; it’s terrible. Pelosi coddles the lazy bums and she’s one too, if you ask me. Bye.”

“Bye. Let’s pause for a commercial.”

Big Yellow Taxi” (3:45)

“And we’re back with Van who works for the county, isn’t that correct?”

“Yes, but we don’t use the word ‘work.’ Instead we use the word ‘participate.’”

“What do you participate in for the county?”

“I’m in charge of airport security.”

“So how did you qualify for such an important job?”

“I retired from the Air Force where I was in procurement.”

“I see. So have you participated in anything important at the airport?”

“Look, our participation requires us to ignore all alarms and protocol: it’s as simple as that. And I must say that we participate for eight hard participation hours per day; you’ve no idea.”

“I didn’t, but I’m beginning to. Anything to add?”

“Well, I think I’d like to say that I’m proud to continue serving the public.”

“I bet. Well, thank you for telling us the truth, at least. Now I’d like to say one thing and then we’ll be done. These fires in Australia are just like many fires in the United States: they were set overwhelmingly on purpose by a particular group of people who have no respect for anything, least of which is life: they worship death, for God’s sake. And now, on behalf of our crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[*fires: remember this: the results of clear cutting is the same as a fire, if not worse.]

Long Tall Texan” (3:22)


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