“PERPETUALLY WRONG”
by OPOVV, ©2019
(Dec. 17, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ where we’re broadcasting from Huntsville, Alabama, meeting with a whistleblower. Excuse me, mind putting that down and stop blowing it?”
“Look, Mr. Roving, you’re the one who came to me; you knew I was a whistleblower, so don’t act so highfalutin.”
“Okay, okay. So, what’s your name and what have you got for us?”
“My name is ‘Calamity Jane’ and I got the scoop of the century.”
“But you’re a guy; how come you didn’t want to be Daniel Boone or Wild Bill Hickok?”
“Because if I had a girl’s name they would be looking for a girl, that’s why.”
“Who do you think is looking for you?”
“They are, that’s who.”
“Who do you think ‘they’ are?”
“If I told you you wouldn’t believe me.”
“Okay, how about telling us what you think you know.”
“It’s not what I think; it’s what what.”
“Spill it.”
“Trump is colluding with the Martians.”
“You mean there’s people from Mars?”
“And I’ve got the proof.”
“Then let’s see it. That’s it? A dog-eared copy of H.G. Wells’s ‘The War of the Worlds?’ That’s it?”
“Ha-ha; looks as if the joke’s on you, Mr. Roving. This copy is a blueprint of our future. Listen: Trump’s hotels are just shells hiding the Martian Destroying Machines. Let me ask you this, Mr. Roving: have you ever stayed in a Trump hotel? I didn’t think so. I rest my case.”
“So you asked us to come down here, all this way, to hear about Trump’s hotels?”
“Well, believe what you want, but I’ve got the proof, so there. And I’m calling Adam Schiff as soon as this interview is over, believe you me. Trump colluded and I’ve got the proof. Just look around you; just look at Trump hotels all around the world and tell me I’m nuts.”
“Okay, you’re nuts; go blow your whistle. Gee whiz, where in the world do these people come from? So he’s going to call Adam Schiff; no doubt we’ll be hearing about the Martians really soon, headlining on Rachel Maddow, Morning Joe* and CNN. This is your Roving Reporter, on behalf of the crew, wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“What a nut; Martians and Trump hotels. What will it be next? Burger time: my treat.”
[*Rachael Maddow, Morning Joe: Hey, guys, how does it feel to be perpetually wrong?]
“In The Year 2525” (3:20)