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by OPOVV, ©2019

Image credit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8T9JJi6kqrc

(Aug. 22, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ a place where truth is not a stranger. Hello, I’m Roving, as in Roving Reporter (RR), and I’ll be your host as I conduct on-the-street interviews of our neighbors as they make their way to the big city. As you can see, we’re back on our corner, under the awning, across the street from the railroad depot. You are all invited to come on down and get on TV, but not if you’re from Iowa.

“The thing about Iowans is that you don’t graduate from high school; you take drugs and a heck of a lot of you voted for Obama, Hillary and suffer from Trump Derangement Syndrome. You’re just too much for me to take, is what it is. Now I know that some of you have brains and love America but, I’m sorry, I just don’t have the gumption to weed you out from your idiot neighbors: I just lack the patience to have to deal with idiots, is what it is.

“Like now, in Iowa today. Let me ask you this: why would there be even ONE person in Iowa who would support any of the Democratic candidates? Why, look at them: losers, one and all. Would you invite any one of them over for a backyard BBQ? Not me, and if one did happen to step foot on my property, I’d have them arrested for trespassing. Now, what do you say we get on with the job? Oh, one more thing: our secretary, Cheryl, was let go yesterday; seems she was cheating on her husband so he left her. The thinking of management is that if she is untrustworthy to her husband, how can her coworkers expect her to be trustworthy, or, for that matter, any of our clients? Excuse me, Miss, Roving for ‘Pulse.’”

“Yes, we know who you are; why, you’ve taken over this corner for the past five years or so. Used to get you on cable, but can’t find you now. Read you in The P&E; it’s good, but it’s just not the same. Look, my name is Cindy and what’s the question of the day?”

“The question of the day, Cindy, is when do you think the mainstream media will report the truth?”

“About what?”

“How about anything?”

“I guess never, or until they go out of business. I believe at one point one of the millennials or an Obot will read a book. I don’t know what kind of book; maybe one of the Harvard Classics and learn how to think for themselves, instead of some Democratic Strategist Nitwit do it for them. It doesn’t say a whole lot about FOX for hiring Donna Brazile. Anyway, I believe at some point people will realize that there’s no free ride, not unless you want to go through life accepting handouts and crumbs.”


“Free college and student debt paid. Right; ever give a moment’s thought about the quality of education? Nothing but Ward Churchill‘s and Elizabeth Warren‘s indoctrinating brain-dead students on the advantages of watching a country implode, such as Venezuela.”

“Mind if we ask what you do for a living?”

“Not at all: I run a dating service; I find likely mates for women looking for a husband.”

“That seems to be the flavor of the day; I mean, it’s a popular business. Are you successful at it? What’s you success percentage?”

“Well, I’ve been in business for 20 years and my success rate is 98%.”

“Why, that’s amazing! What’s you secret? You must be doing something right to have such a success rate.”

“Well, as I said, I’ve been doing this for 20 years and I’m been thinking about retiring so it doesn’t make much difference if I spill the beans.”

“No, it doesn’t. So, what’s your secret?”

“First I just deal with people in this area, okay? And then I have them meet at a nice Italian restaurant, not downtown – next town over.”

“So far, so good.”

“But while the man is going in to meet his date, I intercept him and give him a task to do. Across the street is a laundromat and I give him some story about some ridiculous made-up emergency but, wait, if you do this for me  — here, take this card — it’s good for one free meal with unlimited wine orders; it has a Michelin three-star rating and you doing me this favor is worth it to me. Bye.”

“And, so now what?”

“So all they have to do is to go across the street and take out a fitted queen sheet set from the dryer and fold it, put it in the box marked with a heart, and take it to the restaurant.”

“That’s it?”

“No, that is not it. Here’s the kicker: the laundromat is a prop: it’s actually my office. On one wall I have a two-way mirror, and while the man is trying to fold a queen-size fitted sheet, his date and I are on the other side of the mirror watching him.”

“And he hasn’t a clue?”

“Nope; so we just sit and watch him fold the sheet set, and the ones that really mess it up, well, he gets a cell phone call from his date stating that ‘mother had a stroke and she must go to her now; sorry; maybe some other time.’”

“And the ones that fold the fitted sheet set correctly?”

“His date will be waiting for him across the street.”

“No way; the things we learn interviewing our neighbors. Anything else you care to share?”

“Needless to say, we screen out Democrats as soon as possible. You see, Muslims honor-kill and, thank you very much, but I don’t want my clients murdered. Oh, look, here comes my train. One last comment: it says as plain as day that Muslim men have the green light to rape any woman who is not a believer or, for that matter, even rape Muslim women because they get away with it, and have been getting away with it for 1,400 years.”

“Yes, I’ve read about the Muslim Rape Gangs in Europe. I know women who were raped and they never get over it, even forty years later: an ongoing nightmare that never ends.”

“Yes, but according to Muslims it’s no big deal, although it destroys people’s lives. Look, these women who get raped by Muslims, or anyone else, it’s the closest thing to murder: it destroys their lives. But these Muslim young men are let go, like the whole thing was nothing more serious than a parking ticket. To talk turkey, straight turkeyAmerica is next on the list. My train is leaving and so am I. Bye.”

“And thank you for talking with us, Cindy. My, my, the things we learn. Well, it’s that time when we say, ‘So long,’ but before we do it would be wise to pay attention to what our judicial system is letting go, no pun intended. And so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

A Fistful of Dollars” (4:46)


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