“A HELPING HAND”
by OPOVV, ©2019
(Apr. 24, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the show that just lays it out for everyone to see and judge for themselves, ‘The Pulse of the Nation.’ Hello, my name is Roving and I’ll be your host while we quiz our neighbors as to what makes sense to them these days. As you can see, we’re back on our corner, under the awning, across the street from the railroad station about to ask this young lady her pet peeve. Excuse me, Miss, Roving for ‘Pulse,’ the ever-popular news show.”
“Hello, Roving. I saw on the local news last night that the movie, ‘The Dandelion War,’ is to be filmed right here, in our own town. By the way, is it ‘War’ or ‘Wars’?”
“It’s ‘War.’ So, what’s your name and what do you think about the Democrats pushing for free college tuition?”
“My name is Liz. Now, to answer your question, not much, but then my daddy always said you get what you pay for, so if they pay nothing they get nothing. Besides, all the professors are likely to be flaming Socialists, so all they’ll teach our youngsters is a false sense of what is right and what has never worked: just look at Venezuela.”
“What percentage of our college professors is Democrat, do you know?”
“Yes: 90%, so the kids don’t have a chance to learn how to reason: they’ll react without reason; they’ll react to a stimulus however they’re taught to react, which will most likely be a mistake. And then when it’s all said and done — when they’re let loose in the real world — they’ll get eaten alive.”
“And then vote for more ‘free’ stuff.”
“That’s right, Roving, and when their taxes go through the roof they’ll finally realize that ‘free’ wasn’t ever ‘free.’”
“But by then it’ll be too late, when they finally realize they’ve been had, just as all the past lovers of Socialism finally realize after they killed their dog as their last meal.”
“Reality is a tough teacher, and Bernie Sanders is a complete fool for knowing better but he’s being dawdled over and loves it.”
“Isn’t that what they say, when you get older you go through a second childhood?”
“In Bernie’s case it’s more like a second babyhood.”
“Is this your train? See you around; thanks for talking with us. Let’s pause for a commercial.”
“Come And Go With Me” (2:40)
“And we’re back, but before we waylay the next person, we’ve been requested to make an announcement: the screening of ‘The Dandelion War’ will be held at Pastor Dunkin’s church on Hawthorn Street, eight sharp, next Saturday. Please call the station to reserve seating. Okay, now that’s out of the way, let’s waylay this young man. Excuse me, please, Roving for ‘Pulse.’”
“Oh, how you doin’?”
“Fine, just fine, thanks for asking; and yourself?”
“Not so good; actually, not so very good at all. Here’s what happened: I got injured at work, slipped and fell down some stairs and messed up my knee. I’m up here to see if an old acquaintance will give me a helping hand.”
“What about Workman’s Comp and all the other stuff?”
“To put it simply, my ex-boss lied; accused me of theft, so I’m really up the creek. You know what the crazy part is? If I would admit that I was a thief I could get some government handouts, but I’m not a crook; or if I would admit I’m a drug addict I’d get handouts. Another thing I’ve learned is that if I were an illegal immigrant and couldn’t speak English, I’d have my apartment paid for, Food Stamps and somewhere around $500/week cash money.”
“No lie?”
“But I’ve got three strikes against me: I’m a white male with a high school diploma, and to top it off I’m a Veteran with an Honorable Discharge.”
“That’s it? Only three strikes?”
“Oh, I almost forgot: I don’t drink or smoke and don’t do drugs, plus I have a college degree.”
“Well, all I’ve got to say is you are one sad case: no wonder no one wants to give you a helping hand. Just kidding; stick around for a burger. Let’s take a break and do one more.”
“I’ve Told Every Little Star” (2:20)
“And we’re back with the Republican Chairman of this neck of the woods, Miss M. Hello, and what would you like to say to our viewing audience?”
“Hang ‘em, hang ’em all. They used to, you know. Nowadays, nobody seems to have the gumption our forefathers had, which is really sad. The world, you know, hasn’t changed one iota in the last thousands of years, but we sure have. Why, even in World War II we hung traitors until they were dead, but nowadays we can’t even execute child-molesters, serial rapists and murderers; we even let felons vote. Mark my words: the forfeiture of inaction will produce a whirlwind of retribution that will destroy the very fabric of our Constitution, and when that day happens – and it will – it will be the death of a dream; the death of the beacon for freedom throughout the world; the end of reaching for the stars; and the end of women ever achieving the intellectual aspiration of the concept of intellectual equality. It will be the day when the Ten Commandments will be considered a subversive text; when statues of the past are destroyed; when art is labeled decadent; when truth is censored for being the truth; and for the criminals who aren’t exposed for being what – in truth – are.”
“Well, you certainly don’t mince words, do you, Miss M? How time flies, and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Another darn good show, except we didn’t hear one word about the Democrats beating a dead horse, did we? I don’t know about you, but the next time I hear Maxine Waters say ‘gasoline station’ or ‘impeach the president’ I may get mighty upset. Burger time: my treat.”
“Friendly Persuasion” (2:58)