“STAY SAFE”
by OPOVV, ©2019
(Apr. 1, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the entertaining information show that’s sure to keep your attention. Roving here, back on our corner, waiting to waylay unsuspecting commuters on their way to the big city, and here comes one now. Excuse me, Miss, care to be interviewed on live TV?”
“What TV? Are you for real or what?”
“See the camera? Roving here for ‘Pulse,’ the most popular show in its time slot. We do impromptu street interviews, so how about telling us your name and what bugs you the most these days.”
“Okay, I’ll play along. My name is Anita and I’m off to a couple of towns down the line to visit a friend. And, let’s see, I’d have to say my pet peeve is the Democrats beating a dead horse. I mean, the Russian collusion-delusion is dead, and when Trump gave the speech in Michigan the other night he buried it. It’s over, and I say it’s about time.”
“I think that most of America agrees with you.”
“And Trump’s first Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, sure turned out to be a little rat, didn’t he? And this Russian hoax; I bet Mueller knew it was a hoax by the first week, and yet he dragged it out and would’ve dragged it out another two years, until after the 2020 election, if the new AG, Barr, didn’t step in and say enough is enough. I mean, what did they expect to get out of the lie anyway? I mean, come on, now; I never believed a word of it in the first place. Think about it for a half a sec: had the Russians a choice between Trump or Hillary to be the president, they sure as heck wouldn’t pick Trump. And here’s my train. Bye.”
“See you around. And it’s time for us to take a short break.”
“Susie Q” (4:36)
“And look who just came around the corner pushing his blackboard on wheels: it’s our favorite General. Top of the mornin’ to you, Sir.”
“Come to attention, soldier, whenever you address a superior officer. You know, don’t you, you’re out of uniform? I’m sorry, but I’ll have to write you up. A couple of weeks in the stockade will do you a lot of good, but even better would be to send you to Portsmouth Naval Prison where the Marines will individually look after you.”
“Sorry to inform the General, but that prison is closed.”
“Never correct a General, son; it just doesn’t pay.”
“Aye-aye, Sir. May I ask the General why he has his blackboard covered with a sheet?”
“If you aim the camera across the street I’ll remove the cover and reveal this…”
“Why, it’s a detailed diagram of the whole Russian Collusion Hoax. It’s absolutely beautiful; it’s a work of art; and you have every color under the rainbow. What’s this in the center? Why, it’s a box with Barry Soetoro’s name, and next to his name is a list. Let’s see: fake Social Security Number; fake Selective Service number; a list of offshore bank accounts; the Muslim Brotherhood connection; the Tehran connection; and billions sent to Iran, a country that wants us dead. This is great; what are you going to do with it?”
“It’s the basis for a collaboration with our good friend Zork, who has connections with Hollywood.”
“You’re writing a screenplay together?”
“A movie in 3-D. We’ll even have fake Muslims attack the theaters with fake suicide bombs and have fake Imams proclaiming that Islam is peaceful and misunderstood. Excuse me, but I have an appointment to keep. Get a uniform, soldier.”
“And the same to you, General. Next, please, after this short break.”
“Time of the Season” (3:35)
“Roving here for ‘Pulse.’”
“Hello, Roving, sorry to make this short – here’s my train – but I just want to say – to remind your viewers – that Muslims don’t believe in vaccinations, so if any of you have kids in school – or even if you see a Muslim in the grocery store – give them a wide berth, at the least.”
“If that’s the minimum, what’s the maximum?”
“Deport; don’t allow them in in the first place.”
“And there he goes. And here we goes for another commercial.”
“Sally, Go Around the Roses” (3:10)
“Well, we’ve got time for one more interview, but first I’d just like to remind our viewers that the illegal immigrants can leave by the same door they came through; nothing is stopping them from doing the right thing. Think about it: they come to a country that they admire because it’s a nation of laws and they break the laws by coming in, and if that’s the way they think, then they’re worse off than I thought. It’s self-defeating, is what it is. Excuse me; care to be interviewed? Roving here for ‘Pulse,’ the exciting TV show.”
“Now how, exactly, exciting can it be, standing on a corner, across the street from a railroad depot?”
“By the things people say, that’s what. So let’s try you on for size: what’s your name, what do you do and where are you off to?”
“Name is Robert, but you can call me ‘Bob.’”
“Okay, Bob, so where are you off to on this fine day?”
“I’m off to have my fortune read, if you have to know.”
“Here’s what I think: as long as I’m not being shot at, everything in the world is fine. So, tell me, why are you having your fortune read?”
“Because the little lady told me to, that’s why. You think I believe in this hocus-pocus stuff? Well, I don’t, but she said go to the next town over where there’s a fortune-teller near the railroad station.”
“So, just curious, but is there a specific question you want answered?”
“Yes, matter of fact, there is: where should we go on vacation, is what my wife wants to know.”
“Why doesn’t she go herself, I mean, why does she think she needs a fortune-teller to tell her where to go?”
“I’m not sure how to say this except she’s bonkers, but I mean she’s ‘bonkers’ in a nice sort of way, in case she sees or reads the transcript of the show in the future.”
“I understand. So, where do you want to go?”
“It’s not so much as ‘where’; it’s more of a ‘not where.’ We’re not going to any Muslim country, which leaves Sweden off the list; we’re not going to any Socialist country, which leaves Venezuela off the list; and we’re not going to anyplace where Muslim immigration is unabated, which leaves very few choices, and my wife thinks the fortune-teller may hold the answer.”
“What about vacationing right here in the USA? Aren’t we good enough? What happened to us? Well, we certainly wish you luck and a pleasant vacation, wherever it may be; stay safe. And with that, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Fortune Teller” (2:48)