“WHO’S LOONY?”
by OPOVV, ©2019
(Jan. 25, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the ever-popular info show that entertains as well as keeps our inquisitive viewers’ attention span engaged. Hello, I’m Roving and I’ll be your host, and, as you can see, we’re broadcasting from Professor Zorkophsky’s office here at the university, where we’ve been invited to the birth of one of his best-selling books. So, Professor, are you going to show us how it all comes together?”
“Yes, actually I am, but before we go any farther, please address me as ‘Zork’ since there’s no need to be so formal right here in my office.”
“Okay, Zork, let’s get started. What comes first?”
“First is the idea of what you want to explain. If you’re writing about how to plant an Iris, for instance, you must first explain what an Iris is. Today we’re going to explain why the Left-Wing Loonies are loony, so, to start, we must explain what a loony is; you follow?”
“Yes, I follow. Please continue.”
“Okay, here’s the first sentence; the opening line: ‘The ducks were all in a row; there were ducks together and ducks off-the-wall.’ Pretty good, don’t you think?”
“You mean is it on par with ‘It was the best of times, it was the worse of times’?”
“Yes, exactly. Well, of course there’s more, but you get the idea, right?”
“Wrong. What’s this ‘duck business?’ Are they real ducks? So are there duck murderers lurking behind a blind of cattails waiting to ambush them out of the sky or while they nap on a pond?”
“Look, no one is going to kill any unsuspecting ducks, okay? Besides, these are figurative ducks.”
“Make-believe ducks: is that how you’re going to start your next million-dollar best-seller? I can’t wait to see how you’re going to explain who’s loony, you or the reader.”
“Funny. Anyone ever tell you you’re a funny guy? Okay, back to the beginning: I explain that today’s loony is someone who missed the protests of the 1960’s; maybe they weren’t even born, so every time they see a documentary of those times, everyone is as happy as a clam and not worried about the rent or anything else, for that matter. Besides, there’s always an entertaining soundtrack, maybe Hendrix played at a low-decibel level, a level, by the way, that renders ‘Red House’ into the category of elevator-and-grocery-store background music.”
“I get that part: they kill the music.”
“Not only do they kill the music; they kill the whole idea of the music.”
“So Bob Dylan had his protest songs [‘It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)‘ (7:28)] but the establishment allowed his songs to be played on the public airwaves because what did they have to worry about, right? As long as the money flows, right?”
“And Joan Baez thinking that she’s making the world, well, her world, a safer place. I guess she wasn’t breakfasting atop the Twin Towers on 9-11.”
“No, and I don’t suppose Nancy Pelosi or Chuck Schumer’s families were ever murdered by an illegal immigrant, either.”
“That’s right, but they were around back in the day of the protests: they harvest votes now.”
“’Harvest’? That seems rather callous, doesn’t it?”
“Not when you put yourself above your country. It’s like John McCain voting for Obamacare as his last vote, when for the prior nine years he was against it.”
“So that’s what your new book is going to be about, the Loonies and how they got that way?”
“Yes, but maybe write it as a musical; try something new; a new marketing gimmick. In a nutshell it’ll be about old people searching for a lost youth, and on the other side of the coin – or shell – it’ll be about the youngsters’ flawed belief that protesting and being against the powers that be may not necessarily be the wisest choice. It’s about the generation born between the first footprints on the moon and the lunar landscape that we saw after the Twin Towers collapse. When you think about it, the two camps need one another: the young see the adults proselyting Socialism, and the gullible have no respect for their elders unless they hear the word ‘free’ and the phrase ‘couch potato for life’: a match made in heaven if there ever was one.”
“Sounds like a sure thing; another best-seller. And so that’ll bring us to the conclusion of our show. Glad you could join us and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“So it’s a bunch of young people trying to live 40 years in the past and a bunch of old people giving the bird – duck? — to the USA in 2019; quite a combination, a sure recipe for disaster if I ever saw one. Hey, Zork: burger time: my treat.”
“Who Put the Bop in the Bop Shoo Bop” (2:44)