“SAVED BY A GENERAL”
by OPOVV, ©2018
(Dec. 18, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the show that will blow your socks off; then again, maybe not. Here’s the way it is: this Mueller so-called Russian investigation is over and it’s about time someone informed Mueller. Here, allow me to be the first 100% legal American citizen telling Mueller to ‘Get another life.’ Let’s all get on the bandwagon and everybody tell Mueller to ‘Take a hike, maybe lobby for China to get out of Tibet’ and try to live the twilight years of his life doing something positive for the world.
“Hello, my name is Roving and I’ll be your host for this episode of ‘Pulse of the Nation’ where, as you can see, we’re back on our corner, under the awning, across the street from the railroad depot about to waylay this young lady heading for the train. Excuse me, Miss, care to be interviewed on live TV?”
“If I could I would but that’s my train.”
“The one that’s pulling out?”
“Yes, the one that’s pulling out.”
“So there goes your train. So, how about telling us your name and what you’re up to today?”
“So you interview captive audiences? My name is Andrea and I work with the Federal Prison System; actually I’m a lawyer trying to do the best for our federal lockups here in Illinois.”
“So how do you ‘do your best,’ as you said?”
“Why, it’s been afterburners lit since the former FBI director gave Classified Information to The New York Times, so we knew it would just be a matter of time before he was arrested, tried and sentenced to one of our federal country clubs. And here’s another train.”
“Wait, at least finish what you were saying.”
“Look, we need James Comey to play right forward for our basketball team, okay? So we’ve been working our tails off to get Comey to be sent to us, and not someplace else which may not need a 6’8” forward. Now I must run.
“Care to elaborate a tad more? Like what’s the big deal?”
“The ‘big deal,’ as you say, is the championship; what else?”
“Championship?”
“Look, I’ll lay it out for you: the facility which wins the championship gets to divide the yearly bonus for all the lockups. Bye.”
“Makes sense. You know, I’ve often wondered about the criteria of how federal employees qualify for a bonus, and now we know. Let’s take a commercial break at this time.”
“VENUS” (2:20)
“And we’re back. The weather turned cold and the wind picked up and there’s no one in sight so I’ll just take a minute to wish you all a Merry Christmas. And you know that it takes a few other people to bring ‘Pulse’ to the people, people who we hope judge others by the content of their character and not by some ridiculous standard that has no meaning. I guess what I’m trying to say is we don’t care who you are compared to what you are, as long as you put the Constitution at least equal to the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule.
“Since there’s still no one coming this way that we can waylay and interview, it’s really too bad that this OPOVV character wasn’t elected in 2012. He ran on the platform of kicking each and every illegal immigrant and Muslim out of our country, and then move on up to Canada and do the same for them, and on over to Europe and get rid of their Muslims and the EU. Oh, will you look at that: it’s the General pushing his easel board down the sidewalk heading our way. Top of the mornin’ to you, General.”
“Oh, hello, Roving; I was afraid I wouldn’t make it in time. By the way, aren’t you supposed to come to attention when addressing a superior officer? I think so; here, let me check my pocket UCMJ and see what Article 89 has to say about your disrespect. Wait one. Oh, you’re out, are you?”
“Yes, sir, I’m out: Good Conduct and an Honorable Discharge, I’m proud to say.”
“You took The Oath, didn’t you? You had to, just like we all did. Well, now, your Oath didn’t expire, now did it?”
“Okay, General, if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll salute you. Here goes: hand salute.”
“You’re out of uniform, soldier.”
“Sailor.”
“Look, son, I don’t want to come off as a hard case, but there are rules and regulations if we’re going to run like a well-oiled machine.”
“Look, General, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but if the premise is false so is the conclusion.”
“Say what?”
“If the Rules of Engagement are wrong, and if someone does something right*, then the right thing becomes wrong, and we can’t be having that.”
“Orders are orders, sailor.”
“Good, law-abiding and legal orders that make perfect sense are orders: anything else is unlawful. You order me to throw the baby in the air and catch it with the end of my bayonet, I’d have to decline; respectfully, of course.”
“If I give an order it’s understood it’s a lawful order: by definition, any order I give is lawful.”
“No, Sir, it is not an ‘automatic’ lawful order: it is my Constitutional right to decipher your order and decide whether it’s lawful or not. That’s the way it is, General. Look, I don’t know exactly how the ROE’s have changed since Trump, but under Obama if our troops were fired upon and the raghead ran into a mosque, we weren’t allowed to go in and kill him or call a bunker buster to rain upon him.
“If we were fired upon from a cemetery we weren’t allowed to return fire. If we were fired upon in a private dwelling we weren’t allowed to run a tank over it. So General Flynn had a problem with Obama; we all did.
“In Vietnam we weren’t allowed to bomb the flatcars that had SAM’s on them, out in the open, uncovered. If the VC ran across the DMZ or over into Cambodia or Laos, we couldn’t chase them. How about, just for once in my lifetime, have the Rules of Engagement to read thusly: win at any cost and then get back home.”
“Just curious, do you think General Michael Flynn had any reservations about Muslims in the Army, let alone in our country?”
“I can’t say, but what I can say is that he has a brain, he’s a patriot and he can certainly figure it out, just as we all have, or those with an ounce of common sense.”
“Well, General, you saved the day because I haven’t seen one other person around after you, so thanks for stopping by. And I’m afraid it’s time for me, on behalf of the crew and the General, here, to wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Saved by a General; imagine that? Burger time: my treat.”
[*someone does something right: killing a Muslim bomb maker.]
“Shotgun” (3:23)