“AT SOME TIME THE PIPER MUST BE PAID”
by OPOVV, ©2018
(Jun. 6, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the one place where none of the leftwing hype is hyped. Hello, my name is Roving, as in Roving Reporter (RR), and I’ll be your host for this episode of ‘Pulse.’ As you can see, we’re back on our corner, under the awning, across the street from the railroad depot waylaying our neighbors to see what bugs them. Excuse me, sir, Roving here for ‘Pulse,’ the most exciting half-hour on TV.”
“Try adding the commercials, Roving, then your half-hour becomes an hour-long show.”
“Speaking of commercials…”
“Walkin’ After Midnight” (2:44)
“It’s out of our control. So, mind telling us your name and what’s bugging you these days?”
“Not at all, Roving: name is Brian and I’m a Canumberologist GS-11, which is a canine slumber specialist, government service employee pay grade 11.”
“Look, I’d say, ‘You’re kidding,’ but since you admitted that you work for the government, I won’t. I’m really kind of afraid to ask, but what do you do?”
“Well, I personally oversee the operation of the department so I don’t do much, really. I mean I used to, but since I got promoted I play minesweeper or nap. The department kind-of runs itself.”
“I take that, but what does the department do? By the way, how big is this department? But before you answer, let’s break for a commercial.”
“Lefty’s Gone” (3:15)
“Now to answer your question: ‘How big is the department?’ Second only to Defense; I’ve 210,000 people working for me, give or take. What we do is try and figure out why dogs sleep crosswise on a human bed and not the direction humans choose, the way you’re supposed to.”
“I don’t believe this.”
“Look, we work hard to figure it out because we think it’s worth studying. And, recently, we’ve included cats in our research, for your information, and we think that’s pretty darn important, too.”
“I didn’t mean to imply that it’s not. By the way, what’s the budget of your department?”
“No one knows, not even me. You see, it’s really a Black Op, or a Black Operation so no one knows anything.”
“Now that I believe. And there he goes, off to catch his train. Let’s break for a break.”
“Mama He’s Crazy” (3:07)
“And we’re back. With us now is the Vietnam Vet and the Talking Dog; how you two doin’?”
“The dog says we’re doin’ fine and thank you for having us on. Before we get to the statements, questions and answers, the dog can’t understand why Robert Mueller hasn’t been arrested and thrown in the general population of, let’s say, Angola or Raiford.
“Secondly, the dog says, since we haven’t watched an NFL game in the last three years and never will watch another one, the Eagles being uninvited to the White House is icing on the cake*. We applaud our president. If one has to articulate to stand for the National Anthem, it’s a pretty sad day in America.
“Now the talking dog wants to say a word or two about what the heck is wrong with you people. Your political correctness is misnamed; it should be called ‘National Suicide.’ And your media has no shame: they’re using a snot-nosed dolt named David Hogg to make a complete fool out of himself, driveling about weakening America so the Federal Reserve doesn’t get audited, pollution continues unabated, and the anti-this-and-that party can feel good about themselves by ignoring the simple fact that there’s no free ride anywhere, at anytime, no-how.”
“’No-how’? Where did that come from? Ask the Talking Dog a question.”
“So, like maybe I don’t know the answer, but what do you think of Representative Keith Ellison running for Attorney General in the State of Minnesota?”
“Let’s see if I’ve got this right: Ellison is really Hakim Muhammad who is a Muslim Brotherhood advocate, and as a member of that terrorist organization (whose goal is to shove Islam down our throats) as the Attorney General of Minnesota he’ll be in the catbird’s seat to introduce Sharia Law to the nonbelievers.”
“You really think so?”
“Since the followers of Islam don’t share our world views, yes.”
“Care to be a little more specific? What do you mean by ‘world views?’”
“I suppose I could start by the way they treat us dogs and all other living things; I could mention that they treat women as second-class citizens (at the best); that the Golden Rule is repulsive to them; that a lie doesn’t count as long as it suits their needs; that what they did at that school in Beslan, Chechen, was just another page in the 1,400-year chapter of ‘Feeding the Psychopathic-Sociopathic Serial Killers’; maybe mention that any depictions of the human form is forbidden, which would automatically render all paintings and sculptures of people obsolescent – goodbye, Mona Lisa and David; or maybe give a shout-out to the salient fact that it’s an impossibility for a Muslim to assimilate into the American mindset.”
“Is that all?”
“There’s always pushing the LGBT community off tall buildings or hanging them from streetlights.”
“Why is that?”
“It’s what Muslims do, and have been for the past 1,400 years.”
“But Obama’s a Muslim; heck, he and Valerie Jarrett had the Muslim Brotherhood in the White House every day. So why would the LBGT community support someone who wants to kill them?”
“Search me. Look, I’m just the messenger, that’s all; what you do with the information I share with you is up to you, and from the looks of things, it ain’t doing too good for your side.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Look: your economy is gangbusters, and it would’ve been a lot more if that Senator McCain would’ve voted what was best for our country rather than get back at Trump, but that’s not what’s really happening. You may not know it, but you’re at war, right now, as you’re hearing this or, if you’re reading a transcript of this show, to the death. All of this talk about anything else is just that: talk, talk to keep your attention diverted from the real wolf knocking at your door. Heck, forget the nose under the tent flap.
“And when you lose your country, when you’ve nothing to leave your children but a Third-World Cesspool, look to your ‘enlightened’ institutions of higher learning that taught the lie that Socialism was free for the taking, failing to inform the ignorant that’s there’s nothing for free: at some time the Piper must be paid.”
“So you’re not a Bernie Sanders fan?”
“Throw him out with the rest of the trash.”
“What about North Korea?”
“Trump said everything that he needed to say to the North Koreans: he did a flyby with a couple of B-1B s and B-52’s, which was pretty funny, actually, because the B-2’s, the stealth bombers, they couldn’t have seen anyway. I think that was the whole point of the exercise: we can see you but you can’t see us. We can strike anywhere at any time and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do about it. A rather un-subtle message to the Chinese at the same time.”
“Killing two birds with one stone?”
“Precisely.”
“What’s your take on the Navy in the waters around Korea?”
“Maybe they’ll finally learn that women aboard ships isn’t such a good idea after all.”
“Well, I see that our time is up and so, thank you Talking Dog, for taking the time off from your very valuable dog park time to tell us what we needed to know. We give Dennis Rodman thumbs-up for going to Singapore. And let’s bow our heads and give thanks to those brave men who stormed the beaches of Normandy on this date, 1944. And so, on behalf of the crew, this is Roving wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Great show. Hey, you two care to join us for burgers: my treat.”
[*icing on the cake: we applaud the SCOTUS ruling concerning the wedding cake baker.]
“You’re the One” (2:27)