“YOU’RE ACTING JUST LIKE CONGRESS”
by OPOVV, ©2018
(May 19, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another episode of ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the news show that reports the truth as we see it. Hello, my name is Roving and we encourage you to yell at the television set. I know I do on occasion: helps to relieve tension; at least that’s what Professor Zorkophsky tells us. Wait a minute; we’ve got to take a commercial break.”
“Time Has Come Today” (4:52)
“And speaking of the Professor, he’s here in our studio to help us understand exactly what the dog is conveying to the Vietnam Vet; isn’t that right, Professor?”
“Please, Roving, call me ‘Zork’; there’s no need to be so formal.”
“Very well, Zork. I understand that you have a number of questions that you’ve written down to submit to the Vietnam Vet to ask the dog; isn’t that correct?”
“Yes, that is quite correct. The first question is about these school shootings.”
“The dog says there are many battle zones, and that’s been a fact of life for millennia. You Americans celebrate the beginning of your school shootings at the time of the Columbine High School Massacre, in 1999. But, really now, school shootings have occurred in Israel more often than anywhere else, and school buses were also the target of choice for the crazy people, aka Muslims, in that part of the world.
“Schools are not known for security strongholds and, conversely, schools are known for being gun-free zones. My owner, the Vietnam Vet, has gone to various colleges and universities for more than ten years, all over America, and he has always carried a weapon of war (cry-sob; whine-whimper) concealed in his pocket.
“The solution as a DEFENSE against school shooters is simple, not controversial, completely logical, and not at all complicated: all teachers and support employees of a school must be armed. That means that the janitors and the librarian, the switchboard operator and the secretaries, the teachers and the deans, must all carry a weapon of war (cry-sob; whine-whimper).
“Look, it’s no big deal carrying a gun around. My owner has carried a gun ever since he was discharged from the military. As I said, it’s just no big deal, and for those who whine and cry about it, I wouldn’t suggest that you state your defeatist and reactive views in the proximity of my owner.”
“Excuse me, please, but we’ve got to take a commercial break.”
“Because” (2:24)
“You people are making a mountain out of absolutely nothing, is what you’re doing. Madam Shylock says you people are conjuring something out of nothing, so stop it. You’re acting just like Congress: do nothing but talk about it. ‘Committee’ this and ‘committee’ that; it’s really disgusting. Just do it. And if a teacher doesn’t want to get qualified and carry, then fire them: there’s no room for a conscientious objector in the classroom, today’s field of battle. Face it. Or don’t and continue to travel through life with one hand tied behind your back.
“I know what you’re all going to do: talk about it. You, Roving, and you, Zork, owe me an apology for wasting my time; shame on you. We’re out of here and on our way to the dog park. Good day to you.
“But before we take off, I’d like to know what’s wrong with you people. It’s been abut a year and a half and you haven’t deported one Muslim. What: you got blinders on? Don’t you people read history, or even the news? If us dogs can figure it out, why can’t you? How come you still have ONE illegal immigrant and ONE Muslim left in America?
“Muslims kill dogs, it’s what they do: fact of life. Muslims have a sick war against women, another fact of life. And you people go through your day completely oblivious of your impending doom; isn’t that right? Your Constitution is under attack and you don’t even know you’re at war to the death.
“Now I don’t think your president is stupid by any means, but, come on now, when are you going to start deporting your Muslims? What in the heck are you waiting for, more people to get run over? And as the Talking Dog says, you’re just wasting our time. Why don’t you do something? Arm the teachers. Bye.”
“Goodbye, you two. And off they go; made a good point, though, don’t you think? And so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Maybe we did waste the dog’s time. Heck, they’ve been talking about it forever, haven’t they? Let’s arm the teachers and get on with life. Burger time: my treat.”
“Get Ready” (2:57)