“HE FOLDED”
by OPOVV, ©2018
(Mar. 25, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the ever-popular info-news show where we find out what’s bugging our neighbors. Hello, my name is Roving and I waylay people out here on the street going about their business. Ah, here comes one now. Excuse me, sir, Roving for ‘Pulse.’”
“Oh, hey, how you doing? Name’s Ted; pleased to meet you. Dog and I watch, or we used to, but for some reason we can’t seem to find any listing for ‘Pulse’ anymore; why is that?”
“Search me. No, really, contract problems: they expect me to work for free. So you’re Ted, how do you do? I mean, what are you up to on this fine day, besides the cold, the wind and the snow?”
“I’m on my way to join the protest, the protest about Trump becoming a Swamp Rat.”
“Trump’s a Swamp Rat?”
“Talk is cheap, son. You’re judged by not what you say, but by what you do. Trump kept on saying, ‘Never again,’ but you know what that sounds like?”
“No, what does it sound like?”
“Okay, I’ll tell you, and all you viewers out there in Television Land – I always wanted to say that: ‘Hello, boys and girls, out there in Television Land’ — it sounds like someone having his or her last drink: ‘After tonight, I’m quitting drinking. Hey, bartender, another round, if you would be so kind, please’; or someone saying, ‘I’m quitting smoking after I finish this pack’; ‘Last beer after I finish this six-pack’; and the ever-popular, ‘No, thanks, I’m trying to lose weight but I will have seconds; wouldn’t want to appear rude, you know? Does anyone want that last slice of pizza? No? Don’t mind if I do.’ Understand?”
“But Trump even went one step beyond, didn’t he?”
“You telling me? ‘I’ll never beat you again, Honey, trust me; I swear I won’t; last time; I’ll never do it again.’ Made me sick, and that’s why I say he’s a full-fledged Swamp Rat.”
“What’s next?”
“The Democrats will take over the Senate and the House and impeach the president.”
“On what grounds?”
“Well, they’ll try, okay? Like them: no backbone. People with no backbone used to be called ‘yellow,’ but I wouldn’t say that about Trump. I will say he disappointed; that I will say. How do you think America got in so much debt? You know our National Debt is a few miles beyond the Oort Cloud? And why do you suppose that is? Because our politicians see no downside in passing the buck: let the next generation fix the problem. Now, I ask you, how grown-up and mature does that sound? And if you were in business, you’d go broke signing a trillion-dollar ‘omnibus’ as Trump did. He folded. He couldn’t stand up to McCain and Ryan; Schumer and Pelosi. Trump caved, pure and simple.
“Look, in a perfect world people would stand up for what’s right; at least they used to. Our kids learn computer skills, but the price paid is they don’t know how to get along with one another. Kids don’t read anymore or know how to say ‘thank you’ and ‘pardon me’; they imagine they’re ‘owed.’ It’s all about getting dissed: allow me to suggest Boot Camp?
“Look, we got into the problems we face because the preceding do-nothings did what’s expedient rather than what’s best for America. We have an illegal immigrant problem because it was considered too hard to do the right thing for our country: deport the bums. Heck, why did our country bother with World War II: we’re giving away the farm, you know that? Look at Europe, Sweden, Germany, France, England: nothing but Muslims and Sharia Law. Why don’t we just give up? Our brain-dead students want to give them our guns*; sure, give them our guns and let’s run to the showers, and then the ovens.”
“If you don’t mind my saying so, you sound bitter.”
“I had faith in doing what’s right; now I believe Hillary and Kerry and all the rest had it right all along: take whatever you can get while you can get it: ‘The New American Way: become a Bureaucrat and Steal from Your Neighbors and Yourself, even though it doesn’t make a lick of sense. Goodbye, Constitution; goodbye, America. We don’t even have the guts to execute the worse of the worst we’ve locked up down in GITMO, now, do we?”
“No, we don’t. Now why do you think that’s the case?”
“Well, gee whiz, we wouldn’t want to upset the Muslims, now, would we? We wouldn’t want to offend them, either, I’m sure. No, our last chance; America’s last chance can’t even say that Islam is the scourge of the world, can he? And he won’t; he won’t because he caved, which makes him a Swamp Rat. And don’t get me started on the United Nations, or I’ll be here forever ranting my life away. You know what? My ex-wife, the one who cheated — committed adultery — used to say if I wasn’t complaining I wasn’t happy, so I guess I’m happy. Have a nice day; I’m out of here.”
“Thanks for talking with us. And I think maybe we’ll join you in your protest. Oh, almost forgot, thanks for watching and have a good night: Goodnight.
“Let’s go — you know, a great writer would inject some profound philosophical advice or comment at this point, something along the lines of a good deed has a rippling effect on the world, but then the writer would probably also have to say when a person messes up it can affect a lot more people a lot faster: $500,000,000 for Planned Parenthood, as an example — but first let’s hop in here for a burger: my treat.”
[*give them our guns: Nazi Repression of Firearm Owners.]
“Ava Maria” (2:51)