“MEGAPHONES AND BULLHORNS”

by OPOVV, ©2018

(Mar. 17, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the breaking news segment of ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the info-news show that gets it right more often than not. Hello, my name is Roving and I’ll be your host for the show that’s sure to get your attention. As you can see, we’re back on our regular beat – the corner across from the railroad station – and with me is Jim Laffer, who is – in his words – an ‘extraordinaire’ entrepreneur. Did I say that right?”

“You sure did, Roving; couldn’t have said it better myself.”

“Thanks. So you’re all excited about McCabe getting the boot; why is that?”

“Why am I excited? Because just last week I was awarded, by the Department of Forests & Bleachers, the exclusive rights to set up viewing stands at the entrances of any federal prison I choose.”

“Forgive me if I sound confused – actually I’m confused as all get-out – but I’ve a couple of questions, first of which is about some department of, what did you say, ‘Forests and Bleachers’? Did I get that right? What’s that all about?”

“Well, it’s really pretty straightforward: you see, at the end of the Civil War, back in 1865, the public was starved for some wholesome entertainment, and the best entertainment was the bad guys being marched off to prison, the ones who didn’t follow the Rules of Engagement.”

“You mean like Quantrill’s Raiders?”

“That’s right. Really, now, the bleachers were there also to view the public hangings, but since we hide executions from the public these days, the next best thing is to watch the bad guys being marched into prison. Now that’s what I call entertainment.”

“Go on.”

“So I figure that maybe some indictments will come down the pike, and then all of those bums who broke the law (trying to overthrow the election and President Trump) will go to jail.”

“And you’ll have the monopoly on selling the tickets for people to wave goodbye as the prison gates close, is that it?”

“And to be able to catcall*. I’ll rent megaphones and bullhorns, of course; I also got the mercs.”

“And ‘mercs’ are?”

“Merchandise, you know: T-shirts; CDs, and I’ve a percentage of the concession stands, too.”

“Got it; but what’s on the CDs?”

“Sorry: DVDs: you know, news footage and them on television professing their innocence, like Hillary and her 30,000 destroyed emails; BleachBit and all the other stuff: It adds up, you know.”

“I’m sure it does. So let me see if I’ve got this right: there’s an area in front of the federal penitentiary gates that are, what, owned by the Forest Service?”

“You’ve got it.”

“And the Forest Service leases?”

“That’s right: the Forest Service leases the permits to erect bleachers to sell the seats to people who want to wave goodbye to McCabe or Lois Lerner; maybe Loretta Lynch and Eric Holder; and maybe – the BIG PAYDAY – if and when Obama and Hillary wave goodbye to freedom as they’re escorted behind bars. I’ll make a lot of money if and when that happens.”

“Well, now, Jim, I hope you succeed beyond your wildest expectations. You know, if you or I broke half the laws Obama and Hillary did, we’d have already spent a year in prison. Thanks for joining us.

“Well, another informative and entertaining show and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Another great show. Burger time: my treat.”

[*catcall: yelling epitaphs to those being removed from civilized society.]

Folsom Prison Blues” (2:48)

OPOVV

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