“READY FOR ANYTHING”
by OPOVV, ©2017
Navy destroyer(Nov. 21, 2017) — ACT I
The curtain rises as the house lights dim to the tune of the “Victory at Sea” (0.57) theme. The stage is lit by one spotlight on the fantail of a US NAVY destroyer where a group of sailors are lounging; some are sitting, some are leaning against the lifelines. It is a dark moonless night with few stars.
“This is nuts, I tell you. Will somebody please tell me what in the heck we’re doing out here? We’re sitting ducks.”
“No, we’re not. First of all, sitting ducks sit and we’re not sitting; we’re doing, I’d say, 5-6 knots.”
“Then they can smell us.”
“Wrong again. There’s a storm brewing to the west; big front passing through so the wind is off-shore, which means our smoke is being blown out to sea. And before you get your third strike: they can’t see us; we’re invisible (being Navy Grey), so what’s your beef?”
“What are we doing here? It seems to me that we could be steaming around in circles in Lake Michigan and be home every night, or at least on-shore where the natives aren’t trying to kill us; spending our hard-earned American dollars drinking American beer in an American bar.”
“Count me in.”
“Me, too.”
“What do you say we take a vote to steam up the St. Lawrence Seaway and buy some beer? We’ll all sign a piece of paper and present it to the Captain.”
“I think it’s a great idea.”
“Me, too.”
The curtain lowers to the tune of “Nocturne op. 9 No. 2” (4:29). When the music ends the curtain rises to start:
ACT II
The stage is set as the bridge of the destroyer that is manned while at sea. The messenger hands the Captain a piece of paper.
“What’s this supposed to be?”
“I, I don’t know, sir. It was just laying on the pile of messages that came in last night, sir.”
‘Very well; go on about your duties. Boats, would you please ask the XO to join me on the bridge?”
“No need, Captain, here he is.”
“Here, read this and tell me what you make of it.”
“It seems to me, Captain, that the men think we’re wasting our time out here patrolling.”
“Is that so? Steady on your heading, sailor.”
“Aye, aye, sir: steady on 340, sir.”
“Very well. Now, it says here they like the idea of steaming in circles in Lake Michigan and having ice-cold American beer every night. You know what, I like the sound of it myself. What do you say we send this letter on up the chain of command and see what comes down the pike, hey?”
“Well, maybe we ought to keep it in-house; keep it to ourselves, maybe like, sir.”
“Excellent idea, XO. We’ll keep it to ourselves. But I think it’s still a pretty good idea, just the same. Let’s not summarily dismiss this, okay? You know I was stationed at Great Lakes for a year? Yes, I was. Best duty in the Navy, I always said: home every night and weekends free.”
“Yes, sir; I’m sure it was nice.”
“You know, about that question, ‘What are we doing out here?’”
“Yes?”
“I mean, what’s the point unless they know we’re out here, see what I mean? What do you say we blow something up, give the men something to do.”
“Yes, sir, I think that’s a great idea. What do you want to blow up?”
“Well, something big, for sure. Maybe a bridge.”
“What about a mosque?”
“Why not? They’ve destroyed just about every church and synagogue in the Middle East; I say let’s do it and call it payback. You can’t reason with them; maybe they’ll understand wrath from the skies in the guise of retribution.”
“Retribution?”
“Another name for a cruise missile.”
Curtain lowers as a video is played: “Soldiers Coming Home” (10:16) and as the video ends the curtain rises for:
ACT III
The stage is set as the foyer of the Pearly Gates, which is painted on the backdrop, top right, where a long white staircase climbs up into the fluffy-white clouds. All of the characters of the play are to be seen, wandering around and looking up to the Pearly Gates.
“What the heck happened? What is this place? Where’s our ship?”
“While we were invisible, either we hit a mine or were attacked, but the result is that we got blown out of the water.”
“The ship is sunk?”
“And so are we.”
“You mean we’re sunk?”
“The last straw. Men, listen up: I’m sorry to report to you that we’re in Davey Jones’ Locker. We let our guard down and for this I apologize, even though we were following the Rules of Engagement set forth by the Pentagon.
“In a few minutes we’ll start up those stairs where our souls will be weighed to see if we spend the rest of eternity in Heaven or in what could easily pass for an Islamic Sharia-controlled Caliphate.
“Meanwhile, while we wait, they’ve provided a video for us to watch, supposedly to ease our minds. At the end of the video the curtain will close on us.”
Video: “In The Arms Of An Angel” (4:46)
The End
[One of those flags could’ve been for me: I was taken unaware by two guys, and before I knew it I had a knife at my throat. It is absolutely amazing how fast and strong one can be in times of dire straits. The thing about Bruce Lee he was apparently that way all of the time: 100% on guard and ready for anything.]
Quirky