“A LITTLE MORE BACKBONE”
by OPOVV, ©2017
“Welcome to my emporium; this is the area where I conduct my séances and fortune-telling. Pardon me? Oh, yes, that’s the crystal ball but, I’m sorry, I never allow it be filmed so we’ll just leave it covered, if you don’t mind. No peeking. Thank you. Look, just leave it be. Enough of this! Out! All of you: out.
“Rude people. I’d put a hex on them but you never know. I’ve an ex-husband who said he never wanted me to contact him, ever, so I didn’t. So one day, years later, just out of curiosity, I looked him up to see if he was married and where he was living, so I paid $100 to get all of his current information sent to me.
“And guess what? The report said he was divorced and living in the same old town when I met him, so I wrote to him; sent old pictures and said a bunch of gushy stuff like, after all of these years, I still loved him and all the usual lovey-dovey hokey pokey. And I never heard a word back; not a peep. And then, about two months later, this on-the-Internet business sent me an email stating that the information that they sent me was in error: oops! He was married after all. Had I known I wouldn’t have made a complete fool out of myself.
“Don’t Let The Sun Catch You Crying” (2:34)
“I’m back, and look who just pulled up in his beautiful RV.”
“Bus conversion. I bought a used bus but didn’t know what to do with the seats so I started a home theater business; you know, make that third bedroom a dedicated Big Screen Room, or BSR. Made a killing and still have the business, although we’ve expanded to security and everything associated like electric driveway gates, cameras, safe rooms, the whole nine yards. We’re expanding to guns, specializing in self-defense.”
“No: guns are for taking out the bad guys. I used a gun in Vietnam that saved my life; I even named it. Tried to take it home; offered to buy it but I wasn’t allowed to. Wish I could’ve bought the M1 I had in Boot Camp.”
“You named your gun? Is that normal? By the way, what did you name your gun and what kind of gun was it?”
“Most guys named their guns ‘Betsy’; I named mine ‘Moose,’ in honor of ‘Bullwinkle’ of ‘Rocky and Bullwinkle’ fame. And it was a BAR, at least that’s what I called it, but it was really a .30-caliber Browning machine gun that weighed 31½ pounds, but you have to remember that in those days I was a lot younger and stronger, and for sure a lot dumber. I didn’t know until it was a little too late that there are two prime targets for the enemy to zero in on: a radio antenna and a machine gun. Anything else wasn’t too much of a threat since our guys couldn’t hit the side of a barn; all they knew how to do was spray. They only hit their targets through dumb luck.”
“What about you?”
“Since I carried my own ammo I made every shot count, that’s what.”
“So what are you up to, Chief?”
“Nothing except watching my money grow, thanks to Trump. Well, that’s not all the way true: I have to give credit to this show that said, in the summer of 2016: ‘Trump will win and the stock market would skyrocket,’ and he won and it has.”
“Any observations on your travels?”
“Matter of fact, there are. I just wish Americans had a little more backbone. I mean, they shouldn’t shop on Thanksgiving, right? Stay home; relax; walk the dog, but stay out of stores: no stores. And no excuses, and the same goes for the NFL. No going to the games and no watching the games. Since we know what they think about America, the heck with them. The New American: stay home with the family on Thanksgiving and turn the idiot box O-F-F. And I’m off to meet with people who will try and put the squeeze on the head RINO, McConnell, to resign, and stay resigned.”
“Thanks for your visit and good luck on kicking McConnell out of the Swamp. And it’s time for me to sign off, so I’ll say, as Roving does, to wish everyone a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Hey, Chief, stick around and have a burger: my treat.”
“Gentle On My Mind” (2:55)