ARE WE ENCOURAGING CRIME AND ANARCHY?
by OPOVV, ©2017
(Oct. 12, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the news show that doesn’t shy away from the truth. Hello, I’m Roving and I’ll be your host for tonight’s program. By the way: there’s no ‘political correctness’ on ‘Pulse.’ With me on the phone from our nation’s capital is the perennial bestselling author and a consultant to our government, Professor Zorkophsky, who, by the way, just gave a recent talk to a gathering of law enforcement individuals about BLM: Black Lives Matter.
“Hello, Professor. Can you hear me okay? But first, a commercial break.” “Just To Be With You” (2:25)
“Please call me ‘Zork.’ All my friends do, and I consider you and your wonderful crew friends of mine, including your receptionist. Your editor is a little tough, though. I can hear you just fine; can you hear me okay?”
“Yes, we can hear you five-by-five, Zork. So who did you give your talk to, or is that a little too hush-hush?
“I’m afraid it’s too hush-hush. Come to think of it, that’s the classification the government is giving it: it’s a ‘Hush-Hush’ classification.”
“You mean as in ‘Classified’ and ‘Top Secret?’ You’re claiming that there’s a real classification called ‘Hush-Hush?’”
“There’s even one called ‘Oops, Hillary’ and ‘Secret Locations of our Ambassadors’ (please access via “Oops, Hillary”).”
“Excuse us for this commercial.”
“Moon River” “2:44”
“It’s all quite amazing. So you gave a talk to law enforcement types about BLM. What was the basic gist of your talk?”
“I broke it down into two parts: PART I: The Crime; PART II: The Escape.
“PART I is about the meaning of words. An example would be, say, ‘homemade biscuits’: to some it would trigger a mouthwatering Pavlovian response, while for me it triggers an acid reflux emergency.
“Here’s another: ‘Liquor store’ for you and me means a place to purchase alcoholic beverages, while for others it gives the subconscious the order to ‘Rob This Store.’ Another would be ‘Drugstore’; to you and me it means a place in which to buy drugs while to others it triggers a response to steal drugs.”
“So what you’re saying is that those stores ought to rename themselves?”
“For sure. If you called a ‘Drugstore’ a ‘place in which to purchase various sundry items for contentment,’ the chances of its ever getting robbed reduce to .03%, down from 99.8%.”
“Utterly amazing. I guess we have the Teachers’ Union to thank for not teaching the inner-city kids and others how to read. So the really dumb ones are the Occupiers; Antifa; Obama, Sanders, and Hillary supporters and, it goes without saying, the BLM anti-American supporters demonstrating for re-education and concentration camps?”
“Correct. PART II should’ve been called ‘Attempted Escape.’ Here, let me explain. We send kids to school, where they’re taught, as soon as they hear a pistol go BANG!, to run like the dickens. We call them starter’s pistols, but that would be racist: in actuality they’re training pistols to teach them (after they rob a liquor or drug store) to run, as I said, like the ‘dickens.’”
“I’m speechless. So what you’re saying is that it’s not their fault? That we train them to rob and then run, and then run like the wind when they hear the starter’s gun? I must say, how was your speech received?”
“Standing ovation; what did you expect?”
“I suppose nothing less. It’s been entertaining and informative talking with you, Zork; thank you. And I see that our time is up and so, on behalf of the crew, allow me to wish each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“We Go Together” (2:57)