by OPOVV, ©2017
(Aug. 27, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the ever-popular info-show that lays it all out for all to see. Hello, my name is Roving, and I’ll be your host for this evening’s program. Glad you could join us. And here we are, back on our corner under the awning across the street, kitty-corner from the railroad station about to waylay somebody just like you, blissfully going about their day and ask them what’s bugging them. Excuse me, sir, Roving for ‘Pulse.’ Care to be interviewed on television?”
“Oh, hello, Roving and crew. Sure, I’ll be on the show; watch you all the time. So what’s the question of the day?”
“An easy one: what’s your main bug?”
“My main bug is the Navy wrecking our ships. We build big, beautiful warships so sailors can go out on the ocean and go around in circles, but with the caveat that they don’t wreck them or get people injured and killed. And I have a theory about that, if you’d like to hear it.”
“By all means; go ahead and tell us.”
“My theory is that these captains grew up in Charlotte, NC.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Because people in Charlotte run red lights, is what, and here comes my train. They’re really lousy drivers; that’s all there is to it. Bye.”
“So long. I’m told I better read a letter or I’ll be in trouble. For those who aren’t familiar with this segment of the show, it seems our producer likes me to read a letter or two, so here goes:
Dear Mr. Roving Reporter:
Is ‘Roving’ your real name? And is ‘Reporter’ your real last name?
PS: Did you notice I didn’t mention the Talking Dog?
Thank you for your inquiring letter. No, my real first name is not ‘Roving.’ We use that because we travel to wherever the news is, either in the company van or else we fly, usually in the publisher’s private jet whenever it’s not being rented out.
Interlude: “Glory Train” 2:42
“Okay; back on track. Excuse me, Miss, care to be interviewed on ‘Pulse?’”
“Oh, you’re that Mr. Roving guy; didn’t you just say the other day about having all the other characters on? Where are they?”
“In transit. Did you happen to catch the president’s speech the other night, and if you did, what did you think of it?”
“I did and I thought it was great and then I tuned in to CNN, just for kicks, mind you, and they sure didn’t hear the same speech I heard, that I can tell you. Remember when he was talking about Charlottesville? And you know what? Trump mentioned everything that they said he didn’t mention. Talk about ‘fake news.’
“And I’ve got one other pet peeve: they call Trump a racist but they never, as in NEVER, cite one little instance where he was a racist, or a Nazi, or a hate-monger. They just spew words, and most of them don’t even know the definitions of the words they’re spewing. Why, they call everyone else a Fascist, not realizing that they’re the ones promoting Big Government and all of its shortcoming as something desirable, as if it’s a worthwhile goal, of all things.
“Look: Socialism doesn’t work; it’s never worked; and it never will work because it’s not a sustainable economic model. If you don’t believe me, just look at Europe collapsing, what happened to Germany at the end of World War II, and how Venezuela is imploding. Bernie Sanders is selling a dream, that’s all. It’s not reality: it’s just smoke and mirrors, empty promises, and outright lies. And that’s my train. See you around.”
“Time for one more? You, sir; care to be on ‘Pulse?’”
“Here comes my train: make it fast.”
“Okay; will do. What’s the thing that’s bugging you these days?”
“I’ll tell you, and quick, too. What, the United States Army is going to have ‘Peace Talks’ with the Taliban in Afghanistan? Funny. Reminds me of the Taliban in Northern Pakistan: they were attacking the citizens, so the government said, ‘We’ll give you $10 million if you stay north of a certain road.’ The Taliban agreed, took the money, and the next day attacked a police station on the other side of the road. Funny. Got to run.”
“Hey, good answer. Thanks for talking with us. Molly, our sound-boom operator, is making ‘wrap-it-up’ motions and so, on behalf of the crew, I’d like to wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Another stellar show. Whoever heard of negotiating with Muslims, eh? Burger time: my treat.”
Sharon Rondeau has operated The Post & Email since April 2010, focusing on the Obama birth certificate investigation and other government corruption news. She has reported prolifically on constitutional violations within Tennessee’s prison and judicial systems.