by OPOVV, ©2017

(Aug. 13, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We just received a notice that we’re to zip on over to an undisclosed location with a meeting, and here I quote, with ‘a top aide of one of the top senators.’ Well, this should be interesting. We’re at the university, driving into the parking lot and just pulled in where we always park. And here’s our contact, I surmise.”

“Hello, Roving and crew. Glad you could make it on such short notice, but I’ve got to fly back this morning so I don’t have much time.”

“Excuse me, please, but let me get my intro out of the way: Hello, my name is Roving and I’ll be your host for this installment of ‘Pulse of the Nation’ (if I don’t do that my editor becomes unglued. I’ll dispense with the ‘Reading of the Letter’). So, what, you in disguise or something? It’s not raining but it is cloudy, yet you’re wearing a trench coat and sunglasses; what gives?”

“Remember the other week when the Senate was voting on the health care bill? Most of the television stations covered it live, the day that John McCain cast the last ballot.”

“Unfortunately, I do remember, and remember it very well, and do you know what I remember about it? The snail’s pace; no, the pace of moss growing would be more like it. I mean, how utterly slow can those old geezers be? Is that the pace of the Senate, for real?”

“No, no; of course not.”

“Thank God.”

“That was their full accelerated pace. That’s why their term of office is the longest: six years. They could’ve made it for life for all intents and purposes, but they figured it would be that anyway, I think.”

“I’m going to be sick. And when John McCain started to run his mouth, I thought – I honestly thought – that he was giving his farewell speech and I was yelling ‘Bye-bye, Johnny Boy!’ and jumping up and down and the dogs were barking and the cats were, well, the cats were sleeping, okay? But I was excited and then it turned out McCain wasn’t running his mouth for something: he was running his mouth FOR NOTHING.

“I was as happy as a kid seeing Santa and then, at the last minute, he yanks his retirement speech away and tells us he’s not gone yet. Talk about a bummer. And then he sabotages the country and Trump by not abolishing the greatest insurance industry scam for excessive profits ever shoved down the taxpayers’ throats: Obamacare, which they call ‘The Affordable Care Act,‘ which isn’t affordable: there’s no care if people can’t buy into it; and it’s just an ‘Act,’ as in a Broadway play: nothing but make-believe.

“And you know what the kicker is? Congress isn’t on Obamacare, are they? Why not? They voted for it. So that’s what you wanted to say to the folks out there in TV Land? That was it? Well, all right, then. See you around. Thanks for being on the show.

“It’s too late to make it back to our corner. We could read a letter; maybe drop in on Professor Zorkophsky; or maybe we can interview some of the students. Ask them about North Korea. Hey, here comes on now. Excuse me, please, care to be interviewed on ‘Pulse?’”

“Oh, you’re that TV guy. Sure; go ahead.”

“Okay; great. Where is North Korea and what to do about it?”

“I know it’s cold and they frack a lot.”

“Good answer. What’s your best guess on what number state North Korea is?”

“Maybe one of the newer ones. I wouldn’t know the number offhand.”

“Okay; thanks. Excuse me, please; Roving for ‘Pulse.’ What’s your take on North Korea?”

“Give them Guam if they want it.”

“For real?”

“That’s what Hillary would’ve done, our first woman president that never was because of the Russians, or was it the Ukrainians? Egyptians? Libyans? No. I’m going with the Russians because the people on The View’ do and they ought to know.”

“Good answer. And I’m sorry, but we’ve run out of time and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Another good show. Burger time: my treat.”

North to Alaska” 3:05


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