Make This Your Next Target (RR)


by OPOVV, ©2017

(Apr. 2, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the ever-popular show that always gets the most viewers, thanks to you. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, we’re not on as much as we used to be due to a disagreement with the IRS.  It’s my contention that the burgers that I spring for at the end of the show is a business expense, and therein lies the problem. Okay, so as not to bore you with the details, let me say that if I pay for burgers in, let’s say, Casadaga, FL, I can write off the lunch but I can’t write off the lunch in our city.

“And that’s the introduction to where we’re broadcasting from: Madam Shylock’s Fortune-Telling Emporium, right in the smack center of the sleepy- hollow town of Casadaga. Hello, my name is Roving Reporter and I’ll be your host for tonight’s show. And look who just walked out the door: none other than the good madam herself, all attired in her iridescent shimmery robe and things stuck in her hair.  What the…? Is that a frog in your hair?”

“That so-called ‘frog’ just happens to be Mr. Henry who, you could say, is my next-door neighbor since he lives in the pond across the street. Mr. Henry and I go way back. He eats the mosquitoes at my back door and I give him safe shelter from his many predators.”

“Safe shelter being your hair?”

“Can’t get much safer than that.”

“Man, you just can’t make this stuff up, which is why the antics that go on in our nation’s capital are so entertaining, to say the least. Heck, it seems that every day there’s a slow-speed chase somewhere in Washington, isn’t there?

“We’ve been invited in and are sitting around the table as the crystal ball is being uncovered while the lights are dimmed. It is very quiet except for Mr. Henry’s croaking, and there he goes, jumping off onto the floor, hopping out of the room, presumably to the kitchen door, which is off to our left. Goodbye, nice to have met you.”

“Don’t wish to appear rude, but let’s see the money.”

“What do you say we run a tab?”

“What, you think I’m as gullible as the government? No, cash on the barrelhead. And it goes without saying that you get what you pay for. If I take the low bid, well, you take your chances, but then maybe with the high bid you get fleeced. That’s why Trump’s administration is made up of experienced business people rather than career dole-takers.”

“What are, what did you say, ‘dole-takers?’”

“Somebody who never worked in the private sector, which is somebody who could get fired at any minute; somebody whose job evaluation wasn’t a given, that sort of thing.”

“A Republic, madam, if you can keep it”

“Oh, right. Here’s five Ben Franklins to pay for the right answer, the answer that will INSURE – without a doubt – a ONCE-AND-FOR-ALL solution to a very grave recurring problem in our country.”

“Oh, my, now I am interested. Okay, deal. No hocus-pocus nonsense: just the straight skinny. Shoot.”

“Good. What’s the solution to all these crimes committed by these millions of illegal immigrants?”

“First to recognize and admit that somebody, anybody, in our country illegally is, by definition, breaking the law, and, I’m sorry to say, but anchor babies have to be included. You want to cry and whine about the anchor babies, then answer me this: was the mother of an anchor baby an illegal immigrant? Enough said, and if I have to explain it any further then you need to go back to first grade and start your educational process all over. I don’t have the time or the patience to teach you how to think, okay?

“Now to answer your question. You want to stop all this illegal mayhem, really? Then this is what you do, and this is just an example, you understand. You have to start with the judges and go from there. You start with a judge from the 9th Circuit Court, for instance, someone who publicly sides with allowing illegal immigrants in our country. Then you put a photograph of the judge’s husband, wife, daughter or grandchild on billboards across the country, along with the address where these innocent potential victims can be found, and then sit back and see how long it takes before each and every illegal is FOREVER banned from our shores.

“It’s a simple solution and a solution that will GUARANTEE the desired results: keep our citizens safe from crimes committed by illegal immigrants who, according to Jeb Bush, come here for ‘love,’ believe it or not. And our time is up.”

“Thank you for your honest and straightforward answer, and I’m truly sorry it has come down to this, but our judges and politicians seem to be immune to the suffering of the people. And speaking of time, we have to sign off and so, on behalf of the crew, I’d like to thank you for watching and to wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. What do you say we all grab a burger: my treat.”

If You’re Looking for Trouble


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