“EVERYBODY HAS THE ABILITY TO CONTRIBUTE”
by OPOVV, ©2017
(Feb. 24, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the most-watched news show in its time slot. I’m Roving Reporter and I’ll be your host for this evening’s show. As you can see, we’re back on our favorite corner across from the railroad station. It’s good to be home after visiting Madam Shylock. What we do is…”
“Hey, Roving! Welcome home! So what’s the news?”
“Oh, thanks. You just interrupted my introduction, you know.”
“Waste of time. We all know who you are, and those who don’t can figure it out quick enough. What we all want to know is what happened with Madam Shylock?”
“Madam Shylock?”
“And the talking dog. What did the dog tell you after she had her fortune read?”
“What, are you nuts? Has everyone gone psycho? What happened, you all got sprinkled with fairy dust? Look, the dog doesn’t talk; it’s just a dog that howls and barks.”
“But you said so yourself.”
“What did I say?”
“You said you never heard the dog talk, isn’t that right?”
“And?”
“So, there you are. So what’s the question of the day?”
“I’m almost afraid to ask: should we resurrect the Draft?”
“Yes.”
“Could you, maybe, if it’s not too much trouble, elaborate a little bit?
“No can do: got to catch this train. Bye.”
“And off he goes. I’m asking for a raise. Who’s next in line? Hello, and you are?”
“My name is Lorey and I’m a Democrat: I voted for Hillary. I teach yoga and one of my students is from Saudi Arabia and I asked to her to go to lunch with me. After she received permission from her husband, we went out but she felt uncomfortable because I was afraid we’d be beheaded.”
“Wait. You were afraid? Beheaded by whom? Who were you afraid of?”
“Americans.”
“No, no, no. You got it all backwards: it’s not the Americans who do the beheadings, it’s the Muslims; maybe her husband.”
“No; he’s peaceful, misunderstood and moderate.”
“’Moderate’? As in ‘halfway to Jihad?’ Look, you’re either-or: there’s no in-between. There’s no halfway Muslim.”
“You don’t know anything. So you went to colleges and universities for over 15 years; you’re still not so smart. I happen to listen to PBS and CNN everyday, so there. And you said once you used to listen to PBS, too.”
“That’s right: I listened to Karl Hass’s program ‘Adventures in Good Music’ every day on my lunch break for over 20 years on PBS and I feel bad about it.”
“Why would you feel bad about it?”
“Because I never thanked him. I could’ve sent him a thank-you card; I thought about it, but never did and he died without knowing how much he meant to me. And you know what? I’ve learned that a lot of our fellow citizens did the same: mostly construction and factory workers; blue collar: maybe not college grads but knowledgeable and appreciators of the best music in the world. Listened to Heifetz play Bruch’s Concerto No. 1 ‘Scottish Fantasy-2 (Allegro)’ lately? Or any number of the great classics? But I’m getting off track. What about bringing back the Draft?”
“No way. I don’t believe in war.”
“Oh, boy. Okay, next, please: on your way, Lorey. Pardon me? Have an interview with the talking dog? I’ll surely look into it. Off you go now: catch that train. And you are?”
“Doug; my name is Doug.”
“Well, Doug, should we bring the Draft back?”
“Why not? Men and women: everybody has the ability to contribute. And for those on welfare? Bring back the WPA while you’re at it. It’s not complicated in the least, now, is it? Everybody should contribute some time in making our country great again, and there’s no better place to start than in the United States Military.”
“You wouldn’t be a Veteran by any chance, would you?”
“Battle of Chu Lai in ’65, young man. And here’s my train. Off to the Science and Industry Museum today. See you.”
“Thanks for talking with us. I’m getting the wrap-it-up signal from our sound-boom girl so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show, except for the ‘Out-to-Lunch’ crowd. No way: I will not interview a dog on live TV*. What, my crew has gone bananas? Let’s get out of here. What do you say we grab a burger: my treat.”
[To my loyal viewers: Look, my publisher/editor/boss is pressuring me to have that interview with the talking dog. Dogs don’t talk, okay? So I told my boss I’ll meet her halfway: send us back down to Florida for another interview with Madam Shylock and play it by ear, and she bought it. Either we’ll be down there this weekend or sometime next week. Stay tuned.]
“We Gotta Get Out of This Place”