JUST PAY EXTRA PROCESSING AND HANDLING*
by Thomas Pastore, ©2016
(Sep. 25, 2016) — The rumors, speculation, and gossip, if you will, say that Hillary “has a double,” someone who is there when Hillary just can’t seem to make it. When she is “sick,” America can rest assured that all is well, because Hillary (allegedly) has an “unsick” double. Neither rumored collapses, fainting, dehydration, or seizures can stop the Hillary, because she has been “double-ized” (as America will realize). Such are the rumors.
Imagine a campaign commercial or a PSA on modern satellites, cable or old-fashioned antennae of today’s sad messenger of education, formerly known as a television: How would they present it to America? Perhaps it would go like this:
Hello, America, I am running for President, not once, but as a double, in the same election. It has been long overdue that a woman serve in the same position that a man has held for far too long. Therefore, to make up for women’s lack of representation, I make America a double-offer!!! Yes, I said what no man can say….I will be Double-ized, (as you will realize). It doesn’t make a difference if I am capable or competent, because there will be two of me…Yes…Two (2) of me. How can America refuse such an offer and such a sacrifice from…not just one, but two of me….But wait!!!
This offer is limited and must be exercised no later than November 8, 2016. **No Photo ID required, nor proof of existence. Your vote will require paying extra Processing and Handling* should you wish my services twice over. No coupon necessary.
Your singular vote for me will count for both of us, except in Chicago, where you can vote early and vote often.
Yes, America, no longer will we have to have a candidate and/or “President” incapable of performing her duties. She will be “on the job” even when she isn’t on the job. Never will there be a “conflict of interest,” because it will always be the other one’s fault should any of her secrets be hacked. Consider…Hillary can be counting all that “Foundation money” while being President, but not really conflicting…just…counting!!
Transparency, an over-spoken but rarely implemented word in the present, “I’m-so-great” administration, will not even be considered as campaign fodder, as two (2) is always better than one (1), and it would be twice as hard to see through the ploys of two Hillarys, anyway. Why lie when it will always be the other’s fault?
No need for the FBI to pretend to investigate her, because they would concede from the beginning that they just don’t know which “Hillary” to investigate, even though there appears to be a need to investigate. The attorney general could meet Billy anywhere she wants, because all she has to declare is that the Hillary she was asked to prosecute is the “other” Hillary and not Billy’s Hillary. So no conflict there! After all, “What difference does it make?”
A large portion of America would agree and support the two-Hillarys concept, as they have been “dumbed-down” so much that the word “illegal” has been torn from their Common-Core dictionary. They may say that the other Hillary is “undocumented” but not illegal. Forget about their limited knowledge of America’s history and our foundational creation, as they wouldn’t even understand the Constitutional consequences this would create. They would think, “This is a good thing,” and after all, doesn’t Freedom in America mean that you can do or be anything you want, despite the consequences of your actions towards others? No need for responsibility!!
The one person who may actually need more time to accept the effects of this “Double-ized” creation would be Hillary herself. Somehow I suspect that even with a double standing next to her, Hillary could never break out of her mode of perpetual denial and lies. I wonder how long it would take before she would throw the double under the bus should the need arise? What about her personal staff? Would this require another Huma also? Perhaps a “Huma-Too“? We may need to add another wing to the White House!
Should one “Hillary” get caught violating the law, then the other Hillary can “put-the-fix” in with the varied agencies so neither Hillary gets in trouble. After all, time and experience have taught her well. America doesn’t mind. They worship those who can get away with crimes time after tim, decade after decade!!
Now it may be a little taxing and stressful on the Main Sleaze Media and their need for keeping up with two Hillarys, then rewriting their stories so as not to reveal any truths. After all, comparing notes on what Hillary #1 and what Hillary #2 may say requires extensive schooling in the degreed art of delivering nonsense to the masses. Let’s see…where can she find a network that edits tapes, omits phrases, deletes facts, creates false polls, ignores truths….oh, yeah, right here in America! It will be double the work for them, but such will be the sacrifices America will have to make to ensure the duplicity of two (2) Hillarys’ pre-written legacy.
Those in their full progressive mode may even consider that everyone should have a “double” so as to blame someone else for their faults and thus end responsibilities as we know them. Let’s not forget the possibility that if you blame the other of “you,” you may be charged with bullying oneself. Imagine….an America where everyone can do what he wants when he wants, with no rule of law to guide a delusional society. But be careful, of course! You should not want to upset one of the Doubles-in-Charge. The rules of a society never apply to those who make them! You may very well be stripped of your double.
The Legacy of Hillary may very well be already written, as will the double-down, destructive end-of-singular (one person/one vote) country called America!! You can decide this November.
**The Processing and Handling fee may be converted into a partial or total loss of Freedoms and Rights as some of us remember them. Those considerations will be left to those to whom you who have turned over your very existence. No COD’S accepted!!
Thomas Pastore, statistically a Vietnam Veteran/USMC, without a Country.