“THE GOOD GUYS”
by OPOVV, ©2016
(May 24, 2016) — “Good evening. Ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ We’re back in the city after a trip to the Pentagon, where we were introduced to the shadowy world of defense contractors and how the so-called ‘change orders’ are used to double, and often times quadruple or more, the original contract price.
“But that’s for another show. Tonight we’re back on our favorite corner across the street from the railroad depot about to waylay citizens just like you.
“Excuse me, sir, Roving and crew for ‘Pulse of the Nation.’”
“I know who you guys are; wife watches your show. Me? I read the paper. But go ahead: ask me anything. I think up television commercials. My latest is one of selling vacuum cleaners.”
“No kidding? Okay, what are you working on now?”
“Picture this: a close-up of a cut-away of a carpet: side view. There’s background music; maybe “At the Hop” by Danny and the Juniors. Then, through the wonder of time-lapse photography, a flea crawls down one of the naps of the carpet and lays her eggs. A little later, the egg maybe almost hatches; then there’s the sound of a vacuum cleaner approaching. The mother and father fleas freak out and hold on for dear life and then – all of a sudden – WHISH! GONE FOREVER! The vacuum cleaner works! No live fleas and no egg-fleas! Gone!”
“Now that’s one vacuum cleaner commercial I’d like to see. A ‘Real-World’ television commercial. You could have centipede communities and other critters.”
“That you can. But we’ve one problem: PETA. Seems like they have a chapter that’s made of ‘Flea Circus’ aficionados.”
“No kidding?”
“That’s the whistle for my train. See you.”
“Let’s talk more about the ‘Flea Circus.’”
“Gotta run. Think ‘Pentagon.’”
‘Excuse me, lady, Roving here.”
“Hi. My cat and I watch your show every night.”
“Thank you. Here’s the question: What do you think about the latest polls showing Trump ahead of Hillary?”
“I believed them when Hillary was ahead of Trump; now I’m not so sure.”
“On your way, and thank you for talking with us. Next. Hello, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation.’”
“Hello yourself. Ask away.”
“By any chance, are you a Veteran?”
“You bet your, well, yes, I am, as a matter of fact.”
“What’s your take on these Veterans protesting in front of Trump’s place in New York City?”
“Oh, boy; I promised my wife that I’d try and not to get upset today or to become emotional; make that ‘too emotional’; not to become wired; to become unglued; too ‘lose it’; to go bonkers; and maybe go all the way-postal. Not me. Not today. So maybe you better ask me another question.”
“No, I think you ought to answer the original question for our viewers. You’re a Veteran, right?”
“True, but I don’t have to like it. And I don’t want to hear any ‘Thank you for your service.’ What a bunch of tripe. I didn’t put my, eh, life on the line for anyone specifically, but I sure did for our Constitution, and the Constitution doesn’t speak. Am I making myself clear? My VA shrink said I ramble. What do you think? Honest answer.”
“No, no, you’re fine. Really fine. Now getting back to my question: what’s your take on those protesters?”
“Look, Mr. Roving, or whatever your name is, don’t push it. I think you’re pushing it. But for the sake of your viewers out there, and my wife who, by the way, watches your show religiously, as I said, with the cat, and likes it, I’ll answer: ‘These so-called Veteran protesters out in front of Trump’s place are the lowest form of life to be found. They have absolutely no comprehension of how the world works.’”
“And how’s that? How does, as you say, ‘the world work?’”
“Simple: you have the good guys vs. the bad guys. The good guys take out the bad guys. End of story. Listen and pay attention: we’re the good guys; we don’t blow up ancient artifacts; we don’t saw people in half; we don’t behead those who don’t agree with us; and we don’t murder people who want to become a Christian, Jew or Buddhist, okay? We’re the good guys, understand? And if anyone has a problem with that accurate assessment, as those stupid protesters in front of Trump’s place in New York City obviously do, they’re lucky, and I do mean lucky, as in REAL lucky. I’m not there just walking my dog by them. I mean it. And that’s all I’ve got to say on the subject.
“Those losers you see out there: they were part of Obama’s military, understand? Not part of the real military, clear? Alright. Now, if you’ll excuse me and my dog, I’ll continue to have a nice, calm and serene day. May God bless you. Have a Blessed Day. Peace, Brother. I’m okay. Peace Out.”
“Eh, well, thank you, I think. I’d say someone just spoke his mind. Whew. And our time is up. Thank you for watching our show and so, on behalf of my cameraman and sound-boom girl, I’ll be saying good night: Goodnight.”
“Gee, whiz, that guy was freaking or what? If ever we deserved a well-earned burger and shake, now’s the time. My treat.”