by OPOVV, ©2016

(Feb. 19, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to yet another exciting episode of ‘The Pulse of the Nation.’ For those of you who aren’t familiar with our format, we basically waylay unsuspecting people – people like you and me; everyday folk – and ask them what’s going on with their lives: their take on world events. Once in a while we get a call from a viewer who has something unique and interesting to witness first-hand, but mostly we’re to be found under the awning across the street from the railroad station, which is where we are now.

“Recently we were honored at the ‘Gala Awards Event of the Year,’ and even though we didn’t win, the exposure got us a cable deal so you don’t have to read a transcript of the show, which is what this is.

“And so, here we are, watching a young couple approach. Excuse me, Roving here for a question for you.”

“We on TV? We are? Oh, this is exciting. We watch you every night. Our dog especially likes you. She really enjoyed the episode at the zoo.”

“Thank you. And now the question of the day is: What is your brain used for?”

“Oh, that’s easy: to be able to survive. Why, if we didn’t have a brain, we would allow Muslims to just walk into our country and kill us, just like those animals did on 9-11, Fort Hood and that young married couple in San Bernardino, who murdered their friends who gave them a wedding party, that’s why.”

“Wow, I’m impressed. Mind if I ask you what you two do for a living?”

“Not at all. My wife’s a secretary and I’m in construction.”

“Well, thank you very much. Have a nice day. Ah, here comes another young couple. Excuse me, your Roving Reporter here to ask you a question.”

“We know who you are. You’re on TV. Okay, what’s the question?”

“You look like students. Am I correct?”

“We go to the university.”

“May I ask who’s paying for your education, if you don’t mind?”

“Not at all. It’s free these days, as if you didn’t know.”

“How’s that? Don’t people work their way through school anymore, like I did?”

“No way. You get a loan and don’t pay it back. Everybody does it. Look, the government is giving away free college to immigrants, so why not us, see? Besides, by the time we graduate, there’ll be ‘Debt Forgiveness,’ so there.”

“Don’t you mean ‘illegal immigrants’? You said ‘immigrants.’”

“Same thing, old man. Man, are you ever behind the times. How about that question?”

“Good luck: What is your brain used for?”

“Ha! That’s easy: it’s to scam the system. Like my uncle had a job and he got hurt and couldn’t work, so they fired him and he couldn’t get another job because he couldn’t work, see? He tried to get help from the government but since he wasn’t a druggie and was college-educated, plus he was a Vietnam Vet, he was denied. He joked that he was living in his car because he had three strikes against him:  he was a white high school graduate who spoke English and a Vet. So he lived in his car. He collected Food Stamps that he sold for 50 cents on the dollar so he could buy gas and cat food — he picked up strays along the way – and day-old bread for himself. So you just heard about a true slice of Americana. That’s my answer.”

“Thank you. As they say, ‘The truth will set you free.’ No, I believe you. Many a person has said to us that an illegal immigrant gets treated better than a homeless Vet; you’re not the first. Bye.”


“Hey! I know you; you’re that ‘burger guy’! How you doing?”

“Waylaying people. How ‘bout you?”

“Sure. What’s the question?”

“The question for the day is: What is your brain used for?”

“That depends on who’s using it, I suppose. Most people don’t use their brains; they just go through life ‘by rote,’ meaning all they do is react and never act. Very few leaders; lots of followers. Take the number of Americans who’ve accepted the hocus-pocus that Islam has become a ‘hijacked peaceful religion’ where – in truth — Islam is neither peaceful nor a religion: Islam is nothing but a political movement that feeds on the torture and the murders of anything it touches, from animals to kids and women; and then there’s the Infidels: the people who don’t buy into the lies, deceits and the horror of it all: the ‘Unbelievers,’ as they’re called.

“You want to see the true face of Islam, just do a little research on that Beslan school massacre. Why, just last week a 15-year-old boy was beheaded  – IN IRAQ — for ‘listening to Western music’. No musical instruments allowed. No marching bands. No laughter; just beatings and murders; ‘honor killings,’ and there’s no redress; no ‘Constitution’ and no appeals; no help; no second opinion: just headless dead bodies decorating the landscape in your hometown, coming sooner than you can possibly imagine if you stupid people don’t start using the brain the Good Lord gave you. I’m on my way. Bye.”

“Great answer. Thank you. Well, you heard it loud and clear: allowing Muslims in our country is nuts. What do you say we start using that brain that we were born with and start to deport the Muslims along with our illegal immigrants?

“The sound-boom girl is signaling me that our time is up, so this is your Roving Reporter – on behalf of the crew – saying thank-you for watching and to have a goodnight: Goodnight.”

“Great show, guys. What say we grab a burger: usual place, usual seats. My treat.”

Semper Fi


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