“AVOID IOWA”

by OPOVV, ©2016

(Feb. 3, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. As you can see, we’re back at our ‘out-of-the-office’ headquarters, about to find out what the pulse of the nation is.

“Excuse me, sir, Roving Reporter here with ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ Mind telling the viewers what’s on your mind?”

“Be glad to. Ever since my retirement, my wife and I have been living ‘off-the-grid,’ which is RV talk about having a motor home, full-time. We’re snowbirds, you know: north in the summer and down where it’s warmer in the winter, which means Florida.

“Fun traveling around and getting to learn about our country, but we won’t ever be going back to Iowa, I’ll tell you that.”

“Why is that?”

“Didn’t you see the stupid caucus results? Do you realize that thousands of Iowans voted for two candidates that aren’t even Constitutionally qualified?”

“Cruz and Rubio.”

“Right, so those votes were wasted; should’ve gone to Trump. Trump should’ve won by a landslide; that’s what should’ve happened. But then it’s really not that surprising, is it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you know that Iowa has the highest dropout rate of all the states? So if they’re not smart enough to finish high school, how can you expect them to know anything about the Constitution? You can’t, so we’ll be boycotting Iowa forever. And that’s my thought for the day.”

“What are you in town for? There’s no great National Park or anything like that here.”

“Well, good question, and it may sound a little bit crazy, but we travel around looking for the best burger place in the country. We thought we found one in Palm Beach, but some rich lady came along and hired the chef as her own, so we’re still looking. The new definition of ‘rich’: go to a restaurant, like the food and hire the cook.”

“Thanks for your comment, and looking for the world’s best burger isn’t a crazy idea at all. Here’s a young lady. Mind telling us what’s on your mind?”

“Not at all. Watch your show. I’ll tell you what’s on my mind: my father was in the military, and both my grandfathers and uncles were, too. They fought for the Constitution, which is supposed to be the law of our land, isn’t it? So how come our laws aren’t enforced? How come the DOJ acts like the biggest crooks in our country? The DOJ makes the mob sound like an organization of choir boys. Cruz and Rubio on the ballot, for shame. What are they trying to do, give Obama legitimacy? Fat chance. Oh, there’s my train. Bye.”

“Bye. And thanks for your comment. Well, there you have it. Seems the regular person on the street isn’t buying into the hype that our television stations are hyping-up by brain-dead pundits. That’s our show for tonight, and thank you for watching ‘The Pulse of the Nation.’ This is your Roving Reporter and crew wishing you a goodnight: Goodnight.”

“Anybody see where that RV guy was heading off to? He went in to our burger joint? No kidding? What do you say we join him? My treat.”

“Over here! Hey, Roving and crew, over here! Care to join me? Hey, I was thinking about what should’ve been my parting words.”

“And what would that have been? We’re off the air now.”

“Oh, sure; I know. I was thinking of renaming the state of Iowa ‘The Stupid State.’ How’s that?”

“Actually, I like it. It’s short, easy to remember; has a certain flare, as in ‘BEWARE! DANGER!’ and is spot-on. No doubt airlines, trains and buses will no longer fly over, go through or stop there in the future. Be like in that movie ‘Idiotocrazy.’

“Come to think of it, it’s like that now, isn’t it? Growing corn for fuel – ethanol – is crazy since it costs more to produce a gallon of it than it’s worth, or am I barking up the wrong tree?”

“No, you’re right on target. Take my advice: avoid Iowa.”

Semper Fi

OPOVV

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