“YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF LIARS”
by OPOVV, ©2015
(Dec. 19, 2015) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to yet another chapter of ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ We’re here at the nation’s capital to interview a number of our public servants, and our first guest is perhaps the most well-known of the lot, one that requires no introduction. Thank you for being on our show.”
“Glad to be on your award-winning show, Roving. By the way, what was that award that you won?”
“Well, uh, we haven’t really actually won any awards, at least not yet. But we’re trying our best to bring to the public the very best product possible. We’ve been the top-rated show in our time slot for over six months in a row.”
“Excellent, son. Spoken as a true politician. The work, the effort that you and your crew expend is nothing short of admirable. Quality product: that’s what you bring to the airways of today here in this great country of ours. Keep up the good work, Roving and crew. America’s proud of you. You know, it’s folks like you who keep the pioneering spirit alive: willing to sacrifice for the good of the many.
“You’re here to inquire about the latest bill to pass committee, I know you are. Yes, even though this bill has been on the table ever since I arrived here in Washington some three decades ago, it has been revised once again until this time we’re ready to bring it to the floor, a proud moment in our nation’s history, and I’m so glad you’re here – along with your viewers – to share this momentous moment with us. It’s something all true Americans can be proud of, and I don’t say that lightly.”
“Uh, excuse me, but may I ask a question?”
“Never interrupt me while I’m campaigning, son, for my words carry the weight of all the people who ever cast their well-deserved vote for me: people, working people like you out there in television land who yearn for the Truth, just for once, emerging from the seat of government, from common folk just like me. Why, when I was in high school I worked as a busboy at a restaurant in town one summer, so I know what it is to live on minimum wage, let me tell you.”
“You were 16 and living at home.”
“Son, don’t make me call security. As I was saying – before someone interrupted me – was that I’m one of you; a lowly, forgotten, passed-over individual who is, nevertheless, a proud Patriot of our country. Why, I know many people who served with honor and distinction in our military. My grandfather served in the Army, that forever-proud organization which stormed the beaches of Normandy on that fateful day that saved mankind from the slavery and horrors of Nazi Germany. Oh, the unimaginable destruction, but our fighting men and women persevered and won the war: the Greatest Generation that we honor ’til this day. God Bless America!
“Now I know there’ll be a few distractions out there, mostly from the far right. Some say that the eligibility issue of Obama is not dead but alive and well. People who want to discredit our president for being an illegal immigrant, a fraud, a Muslim, America’s Number One enemy; people who, even at this late hour, still carry signs and put up posters saying ‘WHERE’S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?’ These are the destroyers; these are the people who want to overturn Obamacare. These are the people who are the enemies of the State.”
“But he never did show his Birth Certificate.”
“Call security. Will someone call security? Son, you’ve interrupted a sitting representative of the American people for the last time. You’ll be charged – all of you, cameraman and sound lady alike — by the DOJ itself for terrorist activities. How dare you presume to know better than one of the elites here in Washington? One of the privileged class: One who shares off-shore accounts with the likes of the Clintons, Bushes and Obamas, let alone the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court? The Vatican Slush Fund account is just the tip of the Federal Reserve bribery iceberg: those who keep the Fed from being audited get rewarded, and we’re not talking just six figures, mind you.”
“Arrest us, are you out of your mind? We’re live, on national TV. You spend 30 years of the taxpayers’ money on a bill that, how does it read, ‘Criminals shall register all weapons’? That’s equally as insane as Obamacare, you flaming idiot. And if anyone in our country ever thought we had a two-party system, what about those 2014 elections that promised to, ‘Once elected, the first thing we’ll do is repeal Obamacare?’ You’re all a bunch of liars. Nineteen trillion in debt: you all deserve to be tarred and feathered. This interview, such as it was, is over.
“Well, folks, if there’s one thing you got to say about our show, it’s entertaining. That’s it, so on behalf of the crew I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.”
“Come on, crew, we’re out of here. And you, Mr. Big Shot, doing everything under the sun to abolish the Second Amendment by any underhanded methods that you can come up with, are not invited. The first of any of our guests not to be invited to one of our after-interview rituals. Put that one on your headstone. Let’s get out of here and grab a burger. My treat.”