Your Greatest Danger (RR)


by OPOVV, ©2015

Text from Obama’s Thanksgiving address equating Syrian refugees to the Mayflower Pilgrims

(Nov. 30, 2015) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Scheduled for this evening’s interview was a renowned global warming activist, but he couldn’t make it because — in his words — ‘If I go on your show lying through my teeth, my wife, kids and maybe even the dog will refuse to talk to me, so I have to decline. Sorry.’ That’s okay because, as you can see, we’re back on the street but at a new location.

“We’ve received a number of inquires about how we choose the locations of our on-the-street interviews, and it’s really very simple: we let the cameraman decide and his criterion is that it has to be close to a great burger joint. So here we are and here comes our first victim, I mean, interesting person to interview.

“Excuse me, Miss, Roving and crew about to ask you a question.”

“Not me, you don’t, and get that camera out of my face. I saw you aiming that camera at my legs as I was walking up the street, from way back down there as I rounded the corner. What are you, some kind of pervert?”

“No, no, he was just getting the focus correct, and checking the light and shadows.”

“That’s a bunch of horse hockey and you know it. I took film classes at UCLA, I’ll have you know, so I know you’re just trying to cover up for him. You’re probably in on it too, putting together a movie: ‘Our Town’s Most Sexiest and Desirable Single Women;’ am I right?”

“Well, not quite. I know you look younger than you really are, but your attitude gives you away as an ‘undesirable.’ Sorry, can’t use you for a ‘Calendar Girl,’ and you won’t be in our feature-length film that we’re not making.”

“Who you calling an ‘Old Lady?’”

“Look, answer me this: what, in your opinion, is your greatest threat? Global Warming or some burqa-clad Muslim woman screaming “Allahu Akbar!’ while she shoves a butcher knife in your back while you’re at the grocery store?”

“Neither. First, this ‘Global Warming’ is nothing but pun-intended ‘hot air.’ It’s meaningless except for a feeble excuse for shysters to steal money and get more control over our already over-controlled lives. Global Warming is hype.

“The second part, getting harmed, maimed or very possibly murdered by a Muslim living in the United States is a very real and present danger, which is why I go around armed. Our worthless politicians are no help. Why are we importing Muslims, and why aren’t we deporting them? The American people aren’t stupid, but our de facto president and the Administration sure are. But then that’s the way America is being destroyed, isn’t it? From within, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff wouldn’t know what the enemy looked like if their wives got stabbed in the back while shopping for Fruit Loops.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a job to get to.”

“Nice answer, but you’re not making the calendar. If 40-year-old women have no problem marrying 60-year-old men, why would anyone date someone your age, not to be rude or anything.”

“You’re hopeless. I wouldn’t even date you. Goodbye.”

“Thanks for watching, viewers. And that’s our show: Goodnight.”

“Great show, guys, let’s grab a burger. My treat.”

Semper Fi