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“WORKING FOR A LIVING”
by OPOVV, ©2015
(Nov. 16, 2015) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another exciting episode of ‘The Pulse of the Nation.’ As you can see, we’re standing under the awning of the burger joint on 2nd Avenue. Wait! Here’s twins.
“Excuse me, please, but mind if I ask you a question?”
“Or two. Sure, ask away.”
“What are you guys up to today? Just a curious question on behalf of our loyal audience. You’re twins, aren’t you?”
“Wow, a student of observation. Yes, we’re twins, have been all our life. Bobby here just took the entrance exam for an Amtrak driver, and I took the test for Border Patrol.”
“Why, that’s interesting, two guys willing to work for a living rather than lie back, steal and deal drugs while collecting a welfare check. Okay, Bobby, how was your Amtrak exam?”
“Piece of pie. One question: ‘Have you ever taken a corner too fast and sideswiped parked cars?’ The possible answers ranged from 0-10. I answered ‘4’ and was hired on the spot.”
“You mean that was it, just that one question?”
“Just that one. Tommy here had a more difficult time of it. Tell him, Tommy.”
“We recognized you from across the street and that’s why we crossed over. Our mother watches your show religiously.”
“Oh, don’t worry: we know how unglued you become when people say ‘Hi, mom,’ so we won’t say it.”
“I had two questions. The first was, ‘Do you support the Constitution or the president?’ and the second was, ‘There is a grand opening of a doughnut shop at the same time as a raid on a house on the border suspected of having a tunnel into Mexico. What do you do?’ I answered ‘the president’ and ‘Grand Opening’ and was sent to a room where I was asked one more question: ‘If you suspect an Islamic terrorist is about to target a mall, do you call it in or do you consider yourself an Islamophobe?’ I answered ‘Islamophobe’ and was hired.
“We’re on our way to getting our security clearance badges; see, we have a frequent shopper card and a post card of the Liberty Bell.”
“No kidding? What kind of clearance?”
“The same one Hillary had.”
“And that’s the proof that they asked you to bring in for a security clearance?”
“You bet. $40 an hour to start, plus they gave us two weeks’ pay up-front. After we are issued our security badges we pick up our uniforms. Hey, we got to get going. Nice talking to you. Hi, mom!”
“Thanks. Well, that’s it for tonight. Hope you enjoyed the show. Look, I know it wasn’t as riveting as usual, but it was rather informative. This is Roving and crew saying goodnight: Goodnight.”
“I don’t know about you guys, but I need a burger. Join me? My treat.”